Meant to Be
by crazyforcullen
Summary: Bella and Edward were high school sweethearts. When Edward broke Bella's heart and married Jessica Stanley, Bella turned to her best friend and rock, Jacob Black. Can Edward and Bella find their way back to each other after so many years and changes?AH
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

_December 19, 2009_

Everything was happening so fast. Things seemed to be spinning out of control around me. I can't remember the names of most of the people hugging me or offering condolences. _Just keep smiling and saying thank you. This will all be over soon, and then I can go home and snuggle up with my babies soon enough._ _My babies… I have no idea what to do or say when those sad little eyes look at me asking for Daddy. Seth kind of understood that Daddy wasn't coming home, but Leah just kept asking, "where Daddy?" in her sweet little one-year old voice. _I kind of remember standing up and walking up to the podium to speak. I know that I told everyone how Jacob had been my best friend and my rock. I vaguely remembered talking about what a good dad he was, and how he meant so many things to so many people, but when little Seth stood up and said, "Don't cry Mommy, I'll take care of you." it hit me that Jacob was gone and never coming back. That's when I knew that I was going to have to toughen up and do whatever it took to take care of my sweet children.

The rest of the memorial passed quickly. When you have been teaching in a fairly small town for over ten years, you knew everyone. Jacob was a teacher and coach at Port Angelas High School, so it seemed like the entire town was there. He grew up on the La Push reservation right outside of Forks, Washington, so most of Forks was there as well. He was a well-love guy which meant there were so many people around that my head was spinning by the time Charlie drove us home. _I will get through this. I will not break down in front of all of these people._

Both kids were asleep in the back seat, so Charlie helped carry them inside and put them to bed. It didn't take long before I started reflecting on the fact that Seth was almost too heavy to carry by myself and that Jacob wasn't there to help with that anymore. It's not like I hadn't been thinking about what life would be like without Jacob for quite some time, but now it was real. _I guess you deserve this. You get what you ask for. _I really had to face how truly different my world was going to be.

Charlie walked in the kitchen after putting Seth in his own bed for the first time in two days. "I'm worried about you Bells." I don't know how you're going to be able to keep going on no food and very little sleep." I focused on the wine that I was pouring and wondered if I could even express what I was really feeling. I didn't want to have a lengthy conversation tonight, and my bed was calling to me. "I appreciate your concern Dad, but I will be fine. I just have a lot of stuff to sort through." I could tell by the look he was giving me that he wanted to talk some more and make sure that I wasn't about to break down, but I had to let Charlie know that right now I was not willing to discuss things. I had so many mixed emotions that I wasn't sure I wouldn't sound like a complete lunatic if I even tried to talk about Jacob.

"Sue Clearwater sure did look pretty in that dress she was wearing," I said as I smirked at him. Charlie blushed and smiled that sweet smile that only he could pull off. I had successfully changed the subject. For a while, at least. We talked about the people that were at the service for a few minutes, and Charlie offered to stay on the couch for the night in case I needed anything. It was the last thing that I wanted at the moment. "I think it's best if the kids and I have a day alone tomorrow. I'll call you tomorrow night." I felt guilty brushing him off like that, but I really just wanted to be left alone for a little while. Since Wednesday night, there had been a constant stream of people in and out of my house, and I was worn out. I put on one of Jacob's old t-shirts and crawled into bed. I laid there for a few minutes and had to push the thought of e-mailing _him_ out of my mind. Although I thought I would be awake all night thinking, sleep came immediately. For the first time since Wednesday night, there were no dreams, no kicks in the ribs, no nothing… Just silence. until I heard the blood curdling scream.


	2. The Last Time

_Chapter 1_

_May 7, 2011_

Shit! I thought as I went flying around the curve too fast and almost ran off the road. I had just dropped Seth and Leah off with Billy and Rebecca and I was so off schedule. I didn't know that Rebecca was going to be there or that she planned on going with Billy and the kids to Seattle to see their cousins. She was more chatty than usual this morning, which is saying a lot, but I couldn't stop her. She's been trying so hard to have a baby for so long, that I didn't have the heart to tell her I couldn't listen to her latest trial with IVF. I also didn't want to explain to them why I was in such a hurry. People, including Jacob's family, had been hounding me for some time to start dating again, but I just wasn't comfortable talking about it yet. Besides, was this a date?

I knew that my babies were in good hands with Grandpa Billy and Aunt Becca, but it was the first time I had been away from them overnight since Jacob died. I took a little longer than usual to say goodbye and made them promise to call me as soon as they got to Seattle. The trip from Forks back to Port Angeles was so familiar that I felt like I could have made it with my eyes closed. I let my mind wander to the last time I had seen him.

"_Oh my God! Bella, you have a note on your car from Edward!" My roommate, Rosalie, came flying through the dorm yelling. __I couldn't help it, my head snapped up from my Psychology book and I ran over to grab it from her. _

"_We'll talk about why you are taking notes off of my car later." I looked at her, "but did you read it?"_

"_Of course not Bella." she looked hurt. "I just saw the perfect handwriting on the front and knew that it must be from the elusive Edward that you try so damned hard not to talk about!"_

"_There's nothing to say!" I snatched the letter away from her and began reading:_

_B-_

_I was at UW tying up some loose ends. I couldn't remember which dorm you lived in, so I drove around the parking lot of all of them looking for your big ugly truck. I sat outside for a while hoping that I would get a chance to see you, but I had to get home. I've missed you. I know I shouldn't be here or writing you this letter, but I couldn't stop myself. Anyway, I will be in Forks for another week or so before I leave for Dartmouth. I would love to see you one more time before I go. Please call me._

_Love always, _

_E_

_My heart sank. He was really going that far away. I couldn't help but wonder if his leaving had something to do with me._

"_Oh my God, Bella, you're fucking killing me! What's it say?" Rosalie was staring at me with those huge blue eyes. I handed her the note and let her read it. "Are you gonna call him?"_

"_I don't know yet." I said, all the while knowing that was bullshit. Of course I would call him._

"_Bullshit! Of course you're going to call him." Rosalie knew me so well. It still surprised me that we had only known each other for a few months. We were as different as two people can be, but at times, it felt like we had been separated at birth. That is if you don't look at us. Rosalie is tall, leggy, and blonde. She's incredibly gorgeous and turns heads everywhere we go. I, on the other hand, am short and plain. I have always described myself as having shit-brown hair and eyes. I have never understood why this beautiful person would give me so much of her time and attention. Kind of like I never understood what Edward saw in me. Apparently, I was right with that one…_

_As predicted, I called him as soon as Rosalie left for her next class. His mother, Esme answered the phone. "Bella! I'm so happy to hear from you. How are you dear?"_

"_I'm good Mrs. Cullen. How are you?"_

"_Please call me Esme, or Mom. You will always be a part of this family." she continued talking for a few minutes, but I had no idea what she was saying. It felt like a knife was going straight through my heart. I knew I was still in pretty bad shape when that one little comment could totally throw my world into a tailspin. "Let me get Edward, dear. Hold on just a minute." _

"_Thank you Mrs… Esme." I said as she laid the phone down. Then I heard the most beautiful sound in the world._

"_Bella! I was afraid you wouldn't get the note." no affirmations of love, no telling me that he wanted to try again, but in my heart, I was sure that it was exactly what he wanted._

"_Technically, I didn't get the note. My roommate did." _

"_Oh. So do you think you could spare some time for an old friend in the next week? I can come to Seattle if that would make it easier." The words old friend breaking my heart just a little bit more. I knew that I should tell him no, but I couldn't get the right words out._

"_Actually, Charlie has some fishing tournament this weekend. He will be gone, and he's asked me to stay at his house and wait on some big package that he's expecting." I had actually told Charlie that I wasn't coming, but I was sure that he wouldn't be too upset that I changed my plans… As long as he didn't know Edward was involved. _

"_Great! So I'll come by Charlie's Friday evening. Around 5:00?" _

"_Sounds good. See you then." I was thinking to myself that it was going to be a long week._

"_And B… I really do miss you."_

_Trying to hold back the tears, I quietly said, "I miss you too. See you Friday."_

_The rest of the week seemed to take forever. I had two exams that week, thankfully, so at least I had something to do. On Thursday night, Rosalie asked me to go out with her and some friends, but I knew that I wouldn't be much fun, so I told her that I had to study some more. I knew the material forwards and backwards, but she didn't need to know that. As soon as she left, I took a pain killer that was left from when I had my wisdom teeth removed and went to sleep. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. _

_I flew through my exam and practically ran out of the class. I had packed my bag the night before and thrown it in the truck before I left for class. As I was walking to the parking lot to get my truck, my head started throbbing. The medicine that I had taken to help me sleep didn't seem to agree with me. I was afraid to take anything though, so I just got in the truck and headed to Forks. _

_I had planned to make it to Charlie's in time to take a hot shower and put on something a little nicer than the jeans and long sleeved tee that I had worn to class, but as I pulled onto my street, I saw the silver Volvo already sitting in my driveway. My stomach started doing crazy little flip flops and I forgot all about my headache for a few minutes. He was leaning against the side of his car with his Dartmouth hat on, and he was even more beautiful that I remembered him being. I practically jumped out of my car and flew into his waiting arms. Everything felt right in the world. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Then I remembered my headache and groaned._

"_What's wrong?" Edward looked me over appraisingly and didn't seem to like what he saw. Well if he would have been here at the right time, I could have made myself a little more presentable. _

"_I have a headache. I'll be fine though, I just need to get some Advil." Edward pulled my ponytail out and ran his fingers through my hair to rub my scalp. It felt like heaven._

"_What have you eaten today, B?" but I was having a hard time focusing on his words because his hands on me felt so damn good. He pulled my head back to make me look at him and asked again with a bit of a smirk on his face._

"_Um, I don't remember." Why does he always make me feel like a bumbling idiot?_

"_Let's get you some food and caffeine." You always get a headache when you don't eat enough or get your caffeine."_

_Edward grabbed my bag out of the back seat and headed to the house. He found the key in the same spot Charlie had been hiding it since before I was born and opened the door for us. I hadn't been home in a few months, but absolutely nothing had changed. I sat down at the table while Edward got me a Coke, some Advil, and a sandwich. He sat down and said, "Eat."_

_I devoured the sandwich, remembering that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday. Somehow he was always right… the headache started to go away. We talked about college and about the year he spent at UW before I got there. I asked about Carlisle and Esme, and I even asked how Emmett was doing (even though I knew that Emmett had never been my biggest fan). I couldn't bring myself to ask about the one person that I was most curious about… Jessica._

_I got up from the table to put my dishes in the sink, and Edward's arms wrapped around my waist. He kissed my head and asked if my headache was gone. I told him that it was getting better, and he grabbed my hand to pull me to the couch in the living room. Sitting with him on this couch brought back so many memories, some of which made me blush just thinking about. As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, Edward began to chuckle. _

_He turned me around so that my back was to him and laid me down in his lap. He started rubbing my hair and shoulders which felt so damned good. We didn't talk. I just lay there and enjoyed his hands being on me. Soon, his hands started rubbing my collarbone and upper arms. Without realizing it, I arched my back and moaned slightly. Edward smirked at me and dipped his hand into the top of my shirt. I looked up at his beautiful face to see sheer desire._

_I sat up and turned my body to give us both easier access. I pulled Edward's head to me and kissed the side of his mouth. He responded with a small groan and licked my bottom lip. I took his tongue into my mouth. My entire body was reacting to the kiss. His hands that had been tangled in my hair began to travel down my arms. He held my hands for a minute while we kissed, and then he began playing with the hem of my shirt. It was almost as if he were asking permission, so I took my hands out of his perfect hair long enough to reach down and pull my shirt off. I couldn't help but wish I would have had the time to change into the cute little bra and panty set that I had brought with me, but I didn't think about it for long. _

_Edward's thumb began stroking the underside of my breast through my bra. I arched into him and moved a hand under his shirt to rub his chest. "You feel so fucking good B."_

_I didn't think I could get any more turned on until he said that. I crawled into his lap straddling him and kissing him even harder. I pulled his shirt over his head and began kissing his shoulders and chest. Moving my way up his neck to his ears, I began thrusting my hips and rubbing against him. As I nibbled on his earlobe, Edward thrust his hips and I felt his erection straining against me. He reached behind me to unclasp my bra and pull it off. I straightened my back so that my breasts were close to his face. Edward took my right nipple into his mouth causing my whole body to react. I grabbed Edward's hair and rubbed my hips against him again causing him to groan. Edward's pants appeared to be making him uncomfortable, so I unbuttoned them freeing his enormous cock. I shifted my body so that I was able to completely release him and take him in my hand. _

Shit! Shit! Shit! I thought as I almost missed my turn and had to cut off another car to make it onto the highway. Serves me right for thinking about Edward that way. I need to be thinking more about the fact that I ran into him the next night at the movie theatre with that bitch, Jessica Stanley. _Remember Bella, he married her… not you._ I could tell myself repeatedly that he and Jessica were divorced and that he was coming to see me tonight, but none of that mattered anymore. I couldn't wait to see him tonight and let whatever happened happen, but I could NOT become emotionally involved with Edward Cullen again.

I pulled into my long driveway halfway expecting Edward to be waiting for me although he wasn't expected for about two hours. Thankfully he wasn't there yet, which gave me the time I needed to take that shower and put on that cute bra and panty set this time. _Hey, you never know…_ I also had to put the finishing touches on the Ziti and decide what to wear. It was unseasonably warm for May, so I thought I might even wear that little sun dress that I bought when I took the kids to Hawaii over winter break.

* * *

A/N - This is my first FanFic, so please feel free to review any constructive criticism you may have. I would love to hear from you!

What the hell happened at the movie theatre? How did Bella react???


	3. Coming Home

**Chapter 2**

**Jacob's life insurance policy combined with the wrongful death lawsuit winnings had left me with enough money to sell the old house and build exactly what I wanted. I thought it would be a good idea for the kids to have a change of scenery, so when I found the land overlooking the river, I jumped on it. My favorite part of the house was the fact that it was open and airy. Even in an area where the sun was rarely out for long periods of time, my house always felt sunny and cheerful to me. Because of the open floor plan, I was able to turn the radio on in the living room and listen to the music throughout most of the house. That's why I didn't hear the knock on the door.**

**I was in the kitchen checking on dinner when I felt his presence. He was standing in the doorway of the house looking at me with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. I was so taken aback by the fact that he still looked so good after all these years that I almost burned myself on the pan I was turning. "Fuck! You scared me!" I said as I closed the oven. My stomach was doing that silly little flip flop thing that it hadn't done since I was about seventeen years old, but I told myself it was just because he had scared the shit out of me. It was then that I noticed the flowers and wine in his hand. This night could be quite interesting after all.**

"**I'm sorry. I did knock. I guess you didn't hear me." There was no hint of true apology in his voice at all. I walked over to him slowly and took the flowers and wine from him to take back to the kitchen to put up. I laid them both down on the kitchen counter and turned to welcome him in, but he was standing right behind me with his arms out. Still don't know how he manages to move so quickly and so quietly. I had forgotten how much taller he was than me, and how good he smelled, and how good he looked, and how sexy his voice really was…**

_**Get a grip! Edward is here, and he's waiting for you to hug him. Haven't you been waiting on this for 15 years?**_** Leaning in to him, I sort of patted his arm. He was having none of that, and he wrapped me in a huge bear hug. It was the kind of hug that Emmett used to give me when he was trying to get on my nerves. Only with Edward, I didn't seem to mind feeling trapped. We stood in that embrace for a few minutes until it started becoming awkward. Edward broke the hold and told me that he really liked the place. I busied myself with putting the flowers in a vase and told him that once I was finished I would give him the tour. The ziti still had about 10 minutes before it was finished. **

**I was extremely proud of my new home and all that it represented for my family. I had bought the land and had it built to suit our needs. My children had been going to see a counselor for quite some time after the death of their father, and one thing the counselor told me was that I needed to separate from them a bit. They needed to know that I could be out of sight and still be there for them if they needed it. In our old house, all of the bedrooms had been right next to each other at the top of the stairs. Every night, both children would end up in the bed with me and I would get absolutely no sleep. I took the therapist's advice and had this house built with my bedroom on the other side of the house from the kids (the only steps led down to the basement, so that wasn't an issue). I found that with some distance in our nightly routine, my children handled separation in general much better. The bedrooms were only separated by the living room, kitchen and dining room, but it made so much difference in our lives that I don't know why we didn't move sooner. I shared all of this with Edward as I was giving the tour, and I noticed that every time I mentioned Jacob or Jacob's death, he would wince. It was something I vowed to think about later. **

**By the time I finished showing him the living area of the house, dinner was ready. It was a beautiful evening, so we decided to eat on the porch. As I was putting the finishing touches on the salad, Edward opened the bottle of wine and poured us both a glass. **_**And he brings good red wine… could it get any better!**_** We fixed our plates in comfortable silence and sat down at the table. "So Edward, how have you really been doing?" Edward and I had been sending e-mails back and forth for about 10 years. At times, I would get the impression that things were going really well for him, and at times his messages seemed cryptic and scarce. I was always truly interested in what was going on in his life, but I could never get him to share any personal information with me. I always just assumed that it was because he was afraid that I would become some crazy stalker-bitch. I was sure that he could read through what I was saying in my messages and figure out that I wasn't extremely happy. If he did get that picture, though, he never said anything about it.**

"**I'm doing great now B. I got so tired of moving around all the time and not knowing whether I was coming or going. I've taken a job in Port Angeles as a field supervisor, and I will be doing some traveling to Seattle for trainings. I will be house hunting this week if you know of anything." **

**My heart was pounding. Did he just say he was moving back? Since leaving for college, Edward had only come back a few times to visit his family. He and Jessica had been all over this country and others. I knew that Edward had been working for the government on an anti-terrorist project, but I had no idea what Jessica had done. I looked her up on the internet once, and I found out that she worked for the Department of the State. Other than that, I just knew she traveled a lot. "I didn't think you wanted to settle down." I said, not sure I wanted to hear his response. It would be much easier on me to just hook up with him randomly if I knew he wasn't going to be around very often. **

"**Things are always much easier to deal with if you don't take the time to stop and think about them."**

**Not sure that I wanted this conversation to continue, I got up to get the bottle of wine. I brought it back to the table, and Edward took it from me to refill our glasses. "So what about you, B? I know how hard things have been for you the last year and a half."**

"**Do you?"**

"**Well, I know what it's like to lose someone you love." **

**I really wasn't ready to hear him talk about Jessica, although I did want to know the story of their break up one day, so I told him about Seth and Leah. I told him how proud I have been of both of them for the way they take care of each other and me. I was pretty sure that Edward didn't really like children, so I didn't talk about mine for too long. I knew they would never meet anyway, so I thought it was a good idea to move on to a lighter subject. I asked about Esme's health. **

**When we were younger, Esme had been trying desperately to have a baby of her own. Edward and Emmett had been adopted by them when they were infants, but Carlisle and Esme always wanted more children around. She had been in an accident, which is how she met Carlisle, that apparently caused her to have significant difficulty carrying a baby to full term. She had miscarried several times while he and I were together, and I knew that it was causing her to have other health issues as well. **

"**Mom's doing great. She has been doing a lot of charity work and volunteering, and she and Dad are able to travel a lot now that he's semi-retired."**

**We talked some more about his family and finished dinner. There was a chill in the air which made me shiver, so I started to go inside to get a sweater. As I walked past Edward's chair, he reached out and grabbed around my waist pulling me into his lap. "I'll keep you warm." **

**The goose bumps that I had now had nothing to do with being cold. As I sat across his lap with my little dress on in 55 degree temperatures, I suddenly felt like my skin was on fire. How does he manage to do this to me so quickly? I had been with other men, and none of them ever made me feel this way. EVER. I decided to just enjoy the moment and put my head down on his shoulder. It felt so good to be held by him that I could have gone to sleep had my body not been reacting to EVERYTHING about him. "You still smell the same," he said as he brushed his nose against the top of my head.**

"**Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" **

"**It's a very good thing. I haven't been able to smell strawberry shampoo for the last fifteen years without missing you." **

**I turned my head to look at him, and he had a look of pure agony on his face. **

"**What's wrong?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.**

"**I just wish I could explain to you how much I have truly missed you," he said as he kissed my forehead, then my eyes, my nose, and finally my mouth. The kiss started slowly with small pecks on each corner. He kissed the center of my mouth and took my bottom lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth slightly to let his tongue dart in briefly. With that, a small moan escaped him, and I opened my mouth deeper. I moved my hands up to his face and into his hair. I had forgotten how good it felt to run my fingers through that sexy mane. I had completely forgotten that I was cold, as my entire body was now hot with desire. It felt as if we had never stopped being together. I still knew exactly what spots would drive him crazy. I slowly kissed my way around his jaw to his ear. As I nibbled on his earlobe, his hand found my breast. I could feel the heat through the fabric of the dress and bra that I was wearing. I arched my back willing my dress to come off so there was nothing between his hands and my body. As if he read my mind, he began unzipping the dress from the back. I slid my arms out of the straps and helped him free myself from the dress. I had decided on the baby blue lacy strapless bra that gave me some really nice cleavage. **

"**You are so fucking beautiful."**

**As Edward started to unclasp my bra, the phone rang. Shit! I jumped up explaining that it was probably Seth, and that I needed to answer it. As I ran into the kitchen to answer the phone, I was pulling my straps back up on my dress. Edward walked into the house from the porch just as I was getting the phone that I left on the kitchen counter.**

**Seth and I spoke for a few minutes about how things were going with Grandpa Billy and Aunt Becca in Seattle. He told me that he had ridden on a bus through the town and that they had been to visit their cousins in a weird-looking house. As we were talking, Edward came up behind me and zipped my dress **_**Is that it? Bummer!**_** I felt a trail of warmth where his fingers had touched my skin. He then kissed my shoulder and poured us both another glass of wine. He found another bottle to open out of the bar if we decided we wanted more. I sat at a bar stool and settled in. Seth had always been a talker, and I had learned that the more I tried to make him stop talking, the more he was going to talk. I let him finish telling me all about his cousins and how much fun they had, and then I told him that I missed him and couldn't wait to see him. He didn't have school on Monday because it was a teacher work day, so they wouldn't be home until late Monday afternoon. Leah got on the phone and began to ramble about the same things that Seth had just told me. She told me that her doll, Lily, got to play with new friends today and that she even took a bath. "Bye Bye Mommy, I luz you!" She said as she handed the phone over to Billy. I noticed that Edward was looking at pictures in the living room intently as Billy got on the phone. **

"**Hey Bells, we just wanted to check in. I'm sure you have a friend over, so I won't keep you long." **_**How the hell did Billy know that I had someone over. Does he know it's a man? Does he know about Edward? I wonder what Jake told him…**_

"**Thank you Billy. I appreciate you taking the kids, and I appreciate you calling. Please call me again tomorrow so that I can say good night."**

**I was a little sad as we hung up, so I just held the phone for a minute or two. **_**The kids are having fun. Be glad that they are finally able to go somewhere without being terrified to leave your side.**_** I didn't see Edward anymore, so I looked out on the back porch. He wasn't there, so I started wandering around the house wondering where he had gone. I found him staring at a family picture in the hallway outside of the kids' bedrooms. It was two pictures side by side: One of Jake and the kids, and one with me and the kids. It was very unusual to find a picture of all four of us together. I wondered if Edward had noticed that.**

"**I try to keep pictures of them with their daddy so they don't ever forget how much he loved them."**

"**They are beautiful kids. It's amazing to me how much Leah looks like you."**

**Of course I blushed when he said that, so I turned away. I walked over to the couch and sat down. When Edward sat down next to me, I wanted to pick up where we had left off. My body was still aching for him to touch me, so I reached across him for the glass of wine on the side table. In order to get it, I had to pretty much crawl across his lap and put my tits in his face. This got me the desired effect as Edward's lips came crashing down on mine as soon as I sat back in my seat. I put my wine down, and my hands were immediately in his hair and exploring his face, neck and shoulders. I kissed his neck and started unbuttoning the collar of his shirt. After about three buttons, I gave up and pulled his shirt up over his head. He was still so fucking beautiful. There was a small scar right under his chest. I asked him what happened, and he told me that he would have to save that story for another time. I leaned down and licked his scar, which made him moan again. I loved that sound and was determined to make him moan a lot tonight.**

**Edward pushed me back so I was laying on the couch with him on top of me. His tongue explored my mouth and neck. I slid my leg between his legs and began rubbing up against him causing another small moan. I could feel his erection against my leg, and it made me feel bold and powerful. I pushed his head down into my chest and arched my back. Edward turned me so that he could again unzip my dress and free me. This time, he was able to get the bra off without any distractions, and he began pinching my nipple. I arched my back again and bit his neck to show him how much he was turning me on. The dress was really getting in the way, and I wanted it to come off, but I no longer had the capacity to speak. I remembered what he could do with those hands and those fingers, and it's all I could think about.**

**His voice was thick with desire when he said, "I feel like a teenager again, making out on your dad's couch."**

**Finding my voice, I replied, "The biggest difference is that I can promise you no one will walk in on us, and I'm now allowed to have boys in my bedroom."**

**That was all the invitation Edward needed. Before I could blink, he was off the couch and pulling me with him into the bedroom. He walked behind me kissing my neck and shoulders the entire way and making sure that my dress was completely undone by the time I got close to the bed. I pushed Edward down onto the bed and stepped out of my dress as I walked in between his legs. He stared at me with sheer need, which I fucking loved. He held onto my waist and began kissing my stomach. I bent over a bit tangling my hands in his hair and thrusting my hips. His tongue dipped into the top of my adorable blue panties, and I gasped. He looked up at me with a small and began pulling me towards him. I put one knee on each side of his hips and began crawling up the bed, forcing him to lay down. I kissed Edward's head and worked my way down to his chest, spending a considerable amount of time with his mouth and incredible tongue. I took my time with each nipple causing multiple groans and continued my way down to his stomach. My hands slid down and undid the button on Edward's pants, but I was struggling with them a bit, so Edward just reached down and ripped the button off.**

**I had almost forgotten how big Edward was. I traced my finger up and down the length of him as I licked the tip **_**big moan!**_** I worked my fingers back to the top and took the length of him in my mouth. He tasted so fucking good that it almost did **_**me**_** in. I reached down to gently massage him, and he was thrusting into my mouth.**

"**Oh God, I'm gonna fucking cum!"**

**I began moving a little deeper hoping that he was enjoying this as much as I was, but he pulled on my head as if to pull me off. I looked at him questioningly, and he said that there was plenty of time for that, but he wanted to be inside me. Understanding that **_**and being a little thankful**_**, I crawled back up to him and kissed him again. He flipped me over onto my back and started trailing kisses up and down my body, leaving his warmth everywhere he touched. As he was licking my nipples, I moaned and arched my back. His hands went to where I had wanted them all evening.**

"**You're so wet! I need to feel you."**

**He slowly pulled my panties off trailing kisses everywhere he touched. I was on fucking fire. He kissed me from my ankles back up to where I needed him the most. Spreading my legs gently, he began kissing my inner thighs. It was my turn to moan.**

"**You like that?"**

"**Oh God yes!"**

"**How about this?"**

**Everything went blurry as he flicked his tongue out to torture my clit. I started thrusting my hips and I have no idea what words or sounds were coming out of my mouth. He slid one finger in me and I thought I would explode. With the next finger, I knew that I was close to losing it. The warmth of his breath when he said, "Fuck Bella, you taste so damn good," caused me to go off the edge. I could feel my toes curl and my body tighten around his fingers. My muscles were quivering, and I couldn't feel anything other than my incredibly powerful orgasm. **

**Edward was kissing his way back up my body and giving me a chance to recover. He kept his fingers in place letting me thrust against them as I came down. I kissed him hungrily tasting myself and getting incredibly turned on again. "Edward, please," I said quietly.**

**Edward pushed himself up on his hands and fit himself between my legs. He began rubbing himself slowly against my clit until I felt like I was going to go insane. I wrapped my legs around him pulling him into me. He moved slowly at first, which was pure torture. I took his nipple in my mouth and began biting it gently. He began groaning more loudly and more frequently as my hands, which were kneading his ass, started pushing him harder and faster. He lifted my right leg over his shoulder and began gently pinching my clit between his finger and thumb. I'm pretty sure that I screamed as I came again. I could feel Edward pulsing against my quivering body as he came too. **

"**Fuck, Bella!"**

**I just smiled at him. **_**Oh my God! That was un-fucking believable! We have tonight and most of the day tomorrow to get this out of our system.**_

"**I'm assuming that your staying here tonight, seeing as it's one in the morning and you drank several glasses of wine."**

"**I don't think I could move if I wanted to. Besides, I want to spend as much time with you as you will let me."**

_**Uh oh…**_


	4. A Place to Call Home

A/N - Sadly, these characters all belong to SM.

You guys rock! I love getting little messages that "Meant to Be" has been added to someone's favorite stories. I was afraid that if I started writing it, no one would like it.

Sorry that it's taken me so long to post. Christmas with toddlers has worn me out!

One more thing… If anyone knows anything about beta readers, please PM me. As of now, I'm going it alone because I don't know anything about FanFiction, and I don't know how to go about getting a beta.

Happy Reading…

Chapter 3

EPOV:

****

I rolled over expecting to find that perfect little body next to me as it had been all night. I had woken Bella up several times throughout the night to make love to her, and I imagined that she would have been pretty tired. I was a little surprised to find the other side of the incredibly comfortable bed to be empty.

Looking around the room, I noticed how much she had really changed since we were in high school. Gone were the traces of the sweet innocent Bella that used to have stuffed animals and posters hanging up on her walls. This room was decorated in earthy yellow and orange tones that reminded me of the sun. I wondered if it made her think about Phoenix, or if she just liked the colors. There were no pictures in the room with the exception of a school picture of Seth and a picture of Leah and a man that I assumed is Jacob's father, because it says "Grandpa" on the frame, and it sure as hell wasn't Charlie.

Slipping out of bed, I put my shorts on and went to the bathroom. Memories of that incredibly large shower and the night before came flooding back. When you think about it logically, one person shouldn't have a need for a bathroom this big. Not only is there a two-person shower, but there are two vanities and two walk-in closets as well. Not to mention the enormous Jacuzzi bathtub sitting in the middle of the room. I made a mental note to ask Bella about her need for accommodations for two. The shower was calling me, but I decided to look for Bella first.

I looked in the kitchen and out on the back porch where we had eaten dinner last night. I couldn't find her, so I was roaming through the rooms of the house. When you really look at it, the house is beautiful. The floors were all wood, but Bella had put bright rugs in each room to bring in some light and color. The living room furniture was formal but comfortable. She used the same earthy oranges and yellows for most of her walls and decorations, and she had rust colored leather furniture with red accents throughout. The kids' rooms had obviously been given a little leeway with the motif. Seth's room was covered with racing and matchbox cars. He had a racecar bed and books everywhere. I walked through the adjoining bathroom to find that Leah's room was covered in pink and brown polka dots. I mean, they were everywhere. Both children had several framed photos of their dad in their room, and they both had some sort of shadow box that was filled with mementos. I assumed they were things that would help them remember their father too.

Not finding her yet, I went back through the living room and kitchen to see if there was a room I had missed. I saw the door leading into the laundry room and figured there may be another porch or something on the side of the house that I didn't see last night. There was another door in the laundry room that opened to the basement steps. I remembered Bella telling me about the property being on a river, so I thought she may have gone out that way. I wasn't expecting to walk downstairs to what seemed like another entire house. There was another kitchen, a less formal living room, two more bedrooms, a gym and two more bathrooms downstairs. It gave me an idea, but I wasn't sure if Bella would go for it. It was something that I would need to approach very carefully.

I finally saw her sitting on a small couch in what looked to be a sun room. She looked so peaceful sitting on the couch with her coffee mug that I almost hated to interrupt her. …Almost.

****

BPOV:

*****

Considering the several times I had been woken up last night, it was the most sleep that I've had in several years. My body was not prepared for the barrage of activities it endured, but it certainly enjoyed all of it. In high school, Edward and I had healthy sexual appetites, but I felt like more than a sex-crazed teenager last night. Neither of us could get enough.

I was surprised when I woke up and the clock said it was 7:00. I never sleep that late anymore. But since I figured I really didn't haven anything that had to be done or anywhere that I had to be, I decided to enjoy my morning.

Edward was sleeping so soundly that I hated to wake him. _Although I really wouldn't mind sharing the shower again_! I moved around a bit hoping that it would make him stir, but it didn't. I moved loudly into the bathroom and stepped into the shower. My goal was to get him to join me again, but after being in there for about 15 minutes, I realized it wasn't going to happen. I put my fluffy bathrobe and socks on, brushed my hair and went to make coffee.

It was a rare sunny morning in Port Angeles, and the reflection of the sun over the river almost made you think summer was actually settling in. I decided to take my coffee down to the sunroom where it was warm enough to pretend it was hot outside.

One of my favorite parts of this house was the basement. I had designed it to be almost like an apartment so Renee and Phil could visit, but I wouldn't have to share too much of my space with them. It also came in handy when I had other visitors. The downstairs kitchen was very basic, but it had the essentials. I loved the big open family room, and this is where the kids and I spent a good amount of time. There was a game table and a huge TV. We loved to play video games all day when we didn't have other obligations, and the TV down here was perfect for that. I also had some exercise equipment installed since getting to the gym had become much more difficult than it used to be. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep me from having an excuse to not work out.

The sunroom was directly off the back of the house underneath the deck that we ate dinner on last night. To the right of the sunroom, was a hot tub that I had installed because I knew we wouldn't get much use out of a swimming pool. I still missed Phoenix sometimes.

I loved to come out here in the mornings before the kids were up, or in the evenings after they had gone to bed, to curl up with a book or work on my next project at work. I had every intention of catching up on some work this morning, so I brought my laptop out with me. I sat down to work and realized pretty quickly that my mind was not in the right place to work on evaluating test scores. I was a counselor at Port Angeles Middle School, and I had several students that I was responsible for completing some testing on before the end of the school year.

I didn't even open the laptop before I stuffed everything back in my school bag and decided to just enjoy the quiet morning. My mind started wandering to Edward, of course, and I knew that I needed to put things in perspective before I fell into my old habits. The feelings that I had for Edward have never been in question. My priorities were different now. I would be damned if I was going to expose my children to another man that would leave them. When Jake died, I resolved to keep them from ever going through pain like that again. Hell, it was the same pain that I was trying to avoid when I became involved with Mr. Safe in the first place. Only my pain was inflicted by someone who chose to leave. I still remember my breakup from Edward like it was yesterday.

"_Bella, do you really think we'll still be together in two months when I leave for school?"_

_We had been making out in Charlie's recliner like we usually did before he got home. In between make-out sessions, we started talking about college. The plan was for Edward to go to UW for a year and me to join him the following year. He was going to come home most weekends, and I was going to sneak around so that I could go visit him some weekends too. For some reason, Edward was changing the plan on me. He was still going to go to UW for a year, but all of the sudden, he was planning on going to Dartmouth - yeah, the one on the other side of the fucking country!_

"_Of course, why wouldn't we be?"_

_I had known he was pulling away for a few weeks, but I had no idea why. I tried to hold on tighter, even though I knew that never worked…_

"_I just think it's going to be too difficult. I'll be at school and you'll be here with all of your friends. Mike Newton is just waiting for me to leave."_

"_Edward, don't be stupid. If I wanted to date Mike Newton, I would have gone out with him a long time ago. What's this really about?"_

"_I just don't think we're gonna work B. We're just not good for each other."_

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes just like they did when I was seventeen. We had discussed things for several hours that evening. Edward, trying to convince me that he loved me so much he was letting me move on, and me, trying to convince Edward that if he loved me, he would try to work it out.

Thinking about the fact that Edward broke my heart probably wasn't the smartest thing to do while he was asleep in my bed upstairs, so I got up to get another cup of coffee. I had run out down here, so I had to climb onto the counter to get some out of the cabinet. I pulled out the coffee can, and one of Jake's old beer coozies caught my eye. It was the one he always pulled out during football games - he swore it brought the Seahawks luck. I couldn't help but wonder how he would feel knowing that I had been with Edward last night. Deep down, I think he always knew…

I finished fixing my coffee and settled back onto my favorite couch to compare the two men. I didn't get long to compare though, because Edward came out right after I sat back down. I was a little concerned about there being some morning after awkwardness, so I didn't say anything. He came and sat down beside me, put his hand on my leg, and said good morning.

We talked for a few minutes without much awkwardness and decided that we were both starving. Edward wanted to take me to breakfast which sounded great because I didn't really want to cook. I stood up to go get dressed and didn't make it far before I felt pulling on my robe.

"I just wanted to see what you had on under that thing. Wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

His hands began rubbing up my calves and thighs.

"It's pretty warm in here, I think I'll be alright," I said through heavy breaths.

"Well if that's the case…" Edward pulled my robe completely off and pulled me down into his lap so that I was straddling him.

"My God, I can't get enough," he said with his warm breath blowing right into my chest as he began licking my right nipple.

I arched my back into him and kissed the top of his head. He smelled like sex and … Edward. I began nibbling on the top of his earlobe which caused him to moan into me.

Edward began massaging my left breast while sucking on my right. His other hand traveled slowly down to knead my ass pushing me into his erection.

Knowing that I was able to make him hard so easily turned me on even more. I began thrusting my hips into him and moaning into his ear. I moved around so that I could kiss him, and he began thrusting his tongue into my mouth rhythmically.

Edward took his hand from my ass and grabbed my hand out of his hair. He moved my hand to his stomach while his hand reached around me to slide his fingers inside of me. I gasped and bit into Edward's collarbone. I was frantically trying to unzip his pants and free him, but he kept distracting me. One of Edward's hands was sliding into me from behind, and his other hand had moved down to rub. I could feel my orgasm building.

"Stop… I want you inside me. Please."

Edward stopped long enough for me to move so we could pull his shorts the rest of the way down. I climbed back on intending to straddle him, but Edward had different plans. Edward lifted me off of his lap and stood up. He then pulled me over to the side of the couch where he bent me over. He entered me from behind and then pulled me up so that my back was next to his chest. His hands explored my body as he thrust into me causing little explosions to go off in my head. His hand moved down and rubbed my center causing the orgasm to come on strong and fast. I grabbed the arm of the couch and screamed as my entire body tensed before release. Edward screamed right after me, grabbing my hips tightly and pushing harder. We both slumped over the arm of the couch for support.

"Damn"

I smiled as he collapsed. "Are you sure we need to eat? I could find us some cookies or something to nibble on here."

"If we don't get out of this house, neither one of us are going to be able to function properly. Besides, I thought you could go look at apartments with me today if you don't have anything else to do."

"Whoa, apartment shopping together… sounds serious!"

"It could be. I'm okay with that."

"No, Edward. We need to get that clear now. My priorities are my children and I am not about to introduce a man into their life that may or may not stay around. I probably should have told you that sooner."

"Relax B- I'm here, and I'm not planning on going anywhere. If you don't want things to be serious right now, I will give you that space. But this isn't a conversation that we have to have right now. I'm hungry and I need a place to live. Let's take care of those needs first."

****

I should have thought about the fact that getting out of the red Mercedes SL 600 would draw attention. I really should have thought about the fact that I was getting out of the red Mercedes at the Cornerhouse Restaurant, where everyone in Port Angeles went on Sundays, with Edward. We walked in to the small restaurant to be greeted by a former student of mine. She squealed and ran over to hug me. I was pleased to see that she behaved appropriately when I introduced her to my friend, Edward. She was able to get us a table immediately, and for that I was grateful. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in the front of the restaurant and make small talk with people that were asking questions about Edward and I.

After being shown to our table, I excused myself to go wash my hands. As I was walking back to my table, I heard Edward speaking to someone. It was a very familiar voice, but I couldn't quite see the person from where I was. Just as I turned the corner, I realized where I knew the voice from. It was Lauren. She was sitting at the only other table in the area, which was right next to ours. I wanted to run and hide before she saw me, but it was too late. I had no choice but to sit down calmly and pretend it didn't bug the shit out of me to be seated next to Jake's best friend. Lauren was the other coach for the track team that Jake coached for, and she was the only woman he had ever lied to me about. I wasn't jealous of her. In fact, there were many times that I wished Jake would have had an affair with her (or gotten caught - I still wasn't sure) so I would have an excuse to leave. What I didn't like was the smug way in which she treated me and my children. Lauren didn't have a husband or children of her own, so she had no concept of the family thing.

"Well hello Ms. Black. What brings you here? Where are the little ones?"

"Jake's dad took them to Seattle for the weekend to spend some time with their family there."

"Oh. I didn't realize Jake had family in Seattle."

Not knowing if Lauren was trying to bait me into an argument, I just nodded at her, hoping she would go back to eating with her track kids and leave me alone. … Not so lucky.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?"

Edward had noticed that I was pretty uncomfortable, so he introduced himself as a friend from high school and shook Lauren's hand. She was way too interested in the story here.

"You two must have met up pretty early in order to have a breakfast date."

"Actually, I went to Bella's for dinner last night and we have been having sex ever since. I was starving after all that sex, so she brought me here. She was hoping to run into everyone she knows so they could all talk about her." Edward was chuckling to himself by this point.

Blushing furiously, I said, "Edward!"

"Come on Bella, anyone who knows you knows that you wouldn't just hook up with some random guy and bring them out to the local diner for breakfast. Lauren knows that I'm just kidding, right?"

I couldn't tell if Lauren felt like she had been chastised by Edward's remarks or if she was trying to keep her track kids from hearing all the "sex" talk, but she left us alone for the rest of breakfast. We found a little apartment guide and began circling places where Edward wanted to look.

We were leaving the restaurant preparing to start apartment hunting when I felt an undeniable presence. I heard it before I saw anything… that squeaky little voice yelling, "Edward… Bella." I turned around the see one of my favorite people in the entire world bounding towards us.

"Oh My God! Alice! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you. And with my brother nonetheless."

* * *

A/N - Yay! It's Alice. Wonder if Jasper is coming up as well???

What do you think Edward's plans are?

Reviews are great!!!!


	5. Why He Left

A/N - Sadly, these characters all belong to SM.

You guys rock! I love getting little messages that "Meant to Be" has been added to someone's favorite stories. I was afraid that if I started writing it, no one would like it.

Again… Looking for a beta.

Chapter 4

****

EPOV

****

FEBRUARY 22, 2002

Hey Stranger,

Guess what!!! I'M ENGAGED!!! Bet you never thought I would settle down, huh!

Love, Bella

I read and re-read the words on the screen thinking of the best reply. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to beg her not to marry him, but I knew that wouldn't be fair. Bella deserved so much more than I could give her. I knew long ago that she was meant to have children and be a mother. I sat at my computer in my boring little apartment in the nation's capital and wept. I was so thankful that Jessica was out of the country for another few weeks, so I wouldn't have to deal with that right now. I got up to fix myself a drink even though it was only 2:00 in the afternoon. Thankful that I didn't have to work for a few days, I thought of the sleeping pill and vodka induced coma that I was about to put myself in. My reply was simple but honest:

B-

Congratulations! It is about time, I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with this guy you've told me about. I hope he knows how incredibly lucky he is. Please let him know that if he ever hurts you, I will hunt him down and kill him.

Love, Edward

I decided that before I had too much alcohol in my system I should run down to the store and get some supplies for the next few days. I knew that I should call Carlisle to "talk through" this latest setback, but I couldn't bear to listen to the sound of regret in his voice when I couldn't tell him the reason for my distress.

I stepped into the shower and memories of my B came flooding back to me. Had we followed the plan, we would be married by now and living who knows where. I never really thought very far ahead. I just assumed we would have all of those conversations and things would work out…

_I was sitting with Charlie and Renee in the waiting room while they operated on her. It was, without a doubt, the most helpless feeling in the world. Carlisle had ensured me that Bella would have the best surgeon in the Olympic Peninsula in there with her, and I knew that everything should go fine, but I wanted to see her. Carlisle came in a few minutes later to tell us that her ovary had ruptured due to a cyst and that they had to remove it. He told us that it had probably been causing her quite a bit of discomfort for a while, but I couldn't remember her ever saying anything about it. _

_Carlisle pulled me away from Charlie and Renee, who had been artfully avoiding one another, to ask me if Bella and I were sexually active. _

"_Could I have done this to her?"_

"_No, son. And by your question, I am assuming the answer to my question is a yes. We will talk about other responsibilities regarding sex at a more appropriate time. I'm not at all surprised to hear that you two are active given the obvious intensity of your feelings for her, but I need to know if she has ever complained about pain during or after intercourse. ."_

"_No, she hasn't ever said a word."_

"_Ok, that tells me that this cyst came on pretty fast and that we need to treat her as if her other ovary is in danger as well. I know it's not an issue, but we will need to put her on birth control immediately and monitor her closely."_

_I had never told Bella that birth control wasn't really an issue and we had always used condoms like all teenagers do. My first thought was that if she was on birth control, I would be able to give up the condoms and really feel my girl - yes, I was a hornball._

_The surgery was over, and Carlisle sent me to her room to wait for her to come out of recovery. I went to the flower shop and bought the most obnoxious bouquet of flowers and balloons that I could find, knowing they would drive Bella crazy as soon as she was able to focus on them._

_Seeing her all pale in that hospital bed scared the hell out of me. As her eyes fluttered open, she smiled at me and reached for my hand. I showed her that I was still there and rubbed her hand gently. There were needles and shit hanging out of her, which was a bit weird, but I climbed into the bed as closely as I could and held her. Charlie had gone home to get Bella some clothes since we didn't expect her to be at the hospital overnight when we took her to the ER that morning. Renee had gone to get lunch and call Phil. _

_I didn't realize I was asleep until I heard Charlie clearing his throat._

"_Relax Dad, I promise you that I don't feel up to any funny business."_

_Charlie chuckled a little and told Bella that she was right, he guessed he could let his guard down a bit since there were needles sticking out of her._

_Bella already looked much better. The morphine machine that they had her hooked up to must have been working, because she was saying some really funny shit._

"_Dad, you are not allowed to stay here tonight. This is the only chance that I have to spend the night with Edward, and you aren't going to ruin it for me!" _

_I was blushing for her. I knew that Bella would never say something like that to Charlie without the aid of medication._

"_Bella, it just isn't appropriate for a boyfriend to spend the night with his underage girlfriend. I'm sorry but the answer is no."_

"_What do you think we're gonna do, Dad? Fuck like jackrabbits. Come on, Edward would pull one of my stitches or something. He's going to sleep on a cot in the corner. If you want, you could even ask the nurses to come in, oh, I don't know - every hour or so, to come check on us… Oh yeah, they do that anyway."_

_Knowing that Bella would be mortified when she was no longer drugged, I suggested she stop talking. She fell asleep before the conversation could continue, and I was left with uncomfortable silence. Charlie ended it by telling me it was late and he was going home. I guess Bella had won because he told me to call him if she needed anything. I climbed into the bed with her intending to sleep there, but an evil nurse came in and told me that I had to sleep on the little cot Carlisle had asked them to bring in for me._

_Bella recovered for the next few days while I sat by. We did puzzles and watched movies. I brought in crossword puzzle books, but because of the Morphine, she was having a hard time focusing on a puzzle long enough to do it. One afternoon when there was no one else in the room, Bella started crying. I knew her hormones were a little off and the medicine was also causing her to be a bit emotional, so I didn't think much of it._

"_Edward, will you still love me if I can't have kids?"_

_I felt like I had been hit in the gut. "Why would you even ask me that?"_

"_I heard the doctors talking about the cyst that I had being particularly aggressive and that they were going to be hard pressed to keep my other ovary in tact. If they can't, then I won't be able to have babies."_

"_Bella, there are always other options for people that can't have babies the normal way."_

_Bella began to cry, and she told me that she didn't want to think about other options. She wanted to have my babies so they would look like me. She told me that she had this life for herself already planned and that it all revolved around marrying me and having my children. _

_It was that day that my entire world ended. _

I showered and put on jeans and a tee shirt. The fact that it was February in Washington D.C. didn't even register as I stepped out onto the sidewalk. I ran down to the corner to buy some staples: toilet paper, Advil, soda water, more vodka, Bloody Mary Mix, and Jimmy Dean Sausage biscuits ( I swear it cures a hangover). I opened the bottle of vodka as I was walking home and started drinking. I bet I looked like one of the homeless people to anyone who passed by.

****

BPOV

****

"Oh My God! Alice! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you. And with my brother nonetheless."

Alice looked exactly as I remembered her looking. She still had that funky dark hair that only she could get away with. She still had that same shit-eating grin, and when she saw that she had flustered me with her question, it got even bigger.

Thankfully Edward jumped in before I had to reply.

"I asked Bella to take me around Port Angeles and show me some apartments today. I thought since she knew the area, she would be able to help me weed some out."

"So Mom and Dad were telling the truth when they said you were moving back. Really, Edward - you aren't just going to break Mom's heart again are you?"

"No Alice, I'm here for good this time. I'm done roaming the world trying to find myself or whatever it is you say I've been doing. I've taken the supervisory position with the ATTF (anti-terrorist task force), and I'll work the ports in the immediate area."

"You could have told me about it, Edward," Alice said pouting. "It sucks that everyone knows more about your life than your own sister does!"

"Don't look at me," I jumped in. "I just heard about this yesterday, and I promise you, I know nothing about Edward's life."

I wanted to change the subject because I really was trying to avoid having conversations that I knew we were going to have to have, so I asked Alice what she was doing in Port Angeles.

"Jasper just got a job as an associate professor at Peninsula College," Alice almost squealed. "I too am looking for a place to live, my dear brother."

"That's great Alice. I can't wait until you live closer, we can hang out again. Don't you have a little girl about the same age as my Leah?"

"Jane just turned three last week."

Leah had turned three about a month ago, so I was excited that she would have a friend to play with. We talked a bit more about our kids and how things have been going when Edward interrupted.

"Uh, Alice," he said tentatively, "Do you just want to come with us to look at apartments?"

"That's really sweet of you Edward, and I'm glad to see that you have gotten some of your manners back, but I don't think we are looking at the same things. I'm looking for a house to rent or maybe a condo, and unless there's a lot more about you that I don't know, it seems you would be looking for just a one bedroom flat."

"That's true," Edward said, sounding a bit relieved. "We better get going if we are going to see all the places Port Angeles has to offer before sundown." To Alice, he said, "Hey… Mom and Dad don't know that I've been in Port Angeles this weekend. They think that I am coming straight to Forks once I land. I will be there tomorrow afternoon. Will I see you guys this week?"

"You certainly will. We have LOTS to catch up on, don't we dear brother?" And then, Alice looked directly at me while she asked Edward, "So where are you staying this weekend, Edward?"

Without missing a beat, Edward replied, "Bella has been kind enough to let me stay with her. Please don't make her regret the offer."

Alice hugged me again before getting into her cute little Audi _I swear the Cullen siblings and their cars…_ We exchanged cell phone numbers so we could set up a play date, and she said the most unexpected thing when she knew Edward couldn't hear her.

"Don't be too hard on him, but make him work for it."

"Alice, I don't know what you're talking about. Make him work for what?"

"Your love and forgiveness Bella. It's going to happen - I can sense these things. But make him understand that he was a fool."

"Alice, my life isn't there anymore. That's not even an option for me. Edward and I will be friends - no more." Even I could hear the hint of a lie in my voice.

"I'll see you soon my dear, sweet Bells. I have missed you so much and cannot wait to get together without my ooky brother hovering," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Bye Edward," she called as she started her car. "You have until 4:00 tomorrow to make it to Mom and Dad's so we can chat or I'm telling them that you've been shacking up with Bella this whole weekend and you didn't even call them. They'll be mad as hell that they didn't get to see her." She stuck out her tongue as she drove away, and I couldn't help but think this entire conversation was just strange.

****

"Just sit tight," Edward said as he opened the door of the car. "I just need to run in and pick something up real quick."

I couldn't imagine what he was running in to pick up at a catering place, but I was still giggling so much from our last apartment visit, that I couldn't even ask him.

_We had gone to the front office and asked to see the model, which we had done what seemed like a hundred times this morning. As many of the apartment managers had, this lady assumed that we would be moving into the apartment together, so she tried really hard to sell me on the walk-in closets and large Jacuzzi tub. I didn't feel like explaining again that I was just along for the ride, so I went along with her__. _

_As we walked into the apartment that was obviously decorated by the same people that decorated every other apartment we had looked at, we heard a strange banging noise. We walked around the apartment looking at the few rooms in it, and the noise got louder. We could also hear people screaming making it obvious what they were doing next door. The apartment manager was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable, and Edward wasn't about to let this opportunity go._

"_Excuse me, Miss. Could you please give us a few minutes alone? We really need to show those people what good sex really sounds like."_

_Mortified, the lady started stammering. _

"_He's joking," I said with the characteristic blush creeping up my cheeks. _

"_Well, kind of, he said, but the walls are really too thin for me to do the things that I plan to do with you in this apartment. I think I'm going to have to veto this one."_

_With that, I excused myself and told him I would wait in the car. When he came out of the leasing office, he had a grin that reminded me of my Edward. It had been a long time since I had seen him, but I remembered very clearly that he didn't grin like that towards the end of our relationship. _

Edward came running back out to the car with something in his hand. I couldn't clearly see what he had from where I was, but I heard him put it in the trunk of the car. When he got in, I asked him what it was, but he just kissed my hand and said I would find out soon enough. I tried to point out the way to the next set of apartments, but Edward said he was done looking at apartments for a little while.

"Edward, you have to find a place to live. You can't stay with me while my kids are around."

I was already settling into the idea of him being around, which concerned me a bit considering he had only been around for a day. I had to make sure that he understood my boundaries, and I needed to make them clear.

"I know that B - I would never ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable as far as your family is concerned. If I have to stay with Mom and Dad while I look for a place, I can commute. Or, I could stay with Alice and Jasper if they find a place."

"Alice doesn't seem too happy with you. Edward, where are we going?"

"She's not. She thinks I'm a fuck-up, and she's right. Don't worry about where we're going, we'll be there soon."

We pulled off onto a gravel road and parked the car.

"Get out!"

"Are you kicking me out on the side of the road? I didn't think I was that bad!"

"Shut up silly girl! We have to walk from here."

"Oh! You're serious… Are you okay with leaving your car here?"

"It'll be fine. Just let me get the stuff out of the trunk."

Edward pulled a huge basket and a backpack out of the trunk. I asked if I could carry anything, but he told me to just make sure I didn't break my ankle on the small hike. We hiked for what seemed like hours (but was more like twenty minutes) through the forest. I was shocked to find that the trail led to a beautiful, open meadow. We walked out into the center, and it was incredibly warm. Edward pulled his long sleeve shirt off leaving him in just his tee shirt and jeans _yummy!_ He pulled an oversized blanket out of the backpack and laid it on the ground. He then instructed me to sit.

The basket was filled with goodies that the catering company thought would be appropriate for a romantic picnic. Edward had apparently called them while I was talking to Alice to set things up. Since he didn't have much time, he just told them to make up a basket with wine and good lunch food. There were chicken salad sandwiches on croissants, all sorts of little snack-type foods, and two good bottles of wine. Included in the basket were cutlery, glasses, and plates. Who knew you could get catering companies to do stuff like that? I thought they were just for weddings and funerals.

We ate in silence for a few minutes and just enjoyed the meadow and the good food. My appetite had disappeared the moment I saw Lauren this morning, so I didn't eat much breakfast. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started scarfing down all of the food he put out.

"Hungry?"

"Famished! Guess I didn't fill up this morning."

"Yeah, who the hell is Lauren and what's up with her. You looked ready to rip her throat out and she, yours."

"It's a long story, and it has to do with Jacob. Are you sure that you want to hear it?"

"No, but I think it's time we quit skating around conversations."

"Lauren was Jake's partner in crime. They coached together, which was fine at first, but it got kind of messy."

_I didn't like all the time Jake spent away from Seth and I when he was coaching. It seemed like he would get home at 9:00, and within minutes, Lauren would call and he would be on the phone with her for hours. I didn't understand what they could have to talk about for that amount of time. I mean, it's track… you run around an oval, right. At first, I would sit there with my dinner going cold and wait on him to get off the phone so we could eat together since it was the only time I saw him during the day. I thought that if I stared at him long enough, he would get the hint and at least wait to call her back until after dinner. _

_When that didn't work, I became more obvious. I would ask him to get off the phone and call her back after dinner. He would usually just look at me and walk upstairs or outside and leave me sitting there._

_I tried getting involved in the sport, which was really damned difficult considering I was asking a one year old to sit outside all day while he was crying for his daddy that he never saw anymore. Jake would just get mad at me if I let Seth near him, because then Seth didn't want to let go. I usually just left the field embarrassed because of the way Jake spoke to me in front of students and parents. I quit going after a while._

_I never blamed Lauren for Jake's idiocy. I thought he just really loved the sport and coaching. I knew that Jake liked to be needed, and I had made myself a promise to never need another man, which left us at a standstill. It was only six months out of the year, right?_

_All hell broke loose when the team went to the state championship track meet. It was being held in Seattle, so the team would be staying overnight. I never even thought to ask Jake who he would be bunking with, I just assumed that he would be sharing a room with the two other male coaches… not so. Jake came home after winning the title talking about his weekend. I put two and two together and asked him who he had roomed with. He told me and I shut down. I wasn't, by nature, a jealous person, but I did think that was totally inappropriate._

That's about the time I started e-mailing you again. I guess I knew that you would at least be nice to me and talk to me. I never thought about the fact that I was just looking for the attention from a male that my husband wouldn't give me until I started working on my degree in counseling.

"I'm sorry that he was an ass to you. I would have hurt him if I'd have known."

"Edward, I never would have put that burden on you. I'm sure that you and Jessica fought too. It's just not something you share with your ex."

"I do understand that all too well," he said quietly.

"That's not the reason that I despise Lauren though."

_After Jake promised me that he would quit coaching if it would fix our marriage, Lauren went on an all-out attack. It started slyly… She would call his cell when she knew I was at work and ask for something minor. Jake was never able to say no to anyone besides me, so of course, he would go put the mats out or set up the clock, since no one else knew how to do any of it. Before long, he was "helping out three nights a week." Three turned into four and four turned into full time coaching again, and I just got tired of fighting it. _

_This continued for a few years… We would fight during track season, and in the off season, we were okay. We had Leah, and I thought for sure that he was going to quit coaching. Another overnight trip came up, and Jake went - against my wishes. I'd finally had it and told him to choose. He told me that he would quit coaching for good. I had taken Leah to the doctor one day, however, and happened to drive by and see his truck out by the track. He was at the track with Lauren, who was holding my goddamned son. He had taught Seth to lie and say they were at the playground._

_I was so angry that I knew it would be a bad idea to get out and yell at him in front of Seth, so I called his cell phone and told him that I had seen him and Seth at the track. I was so angry, I couldn't speak. I told him we would talk about it when he got home. That evening when they came home, he looked like an abused puppy. I told him that I still wasn't ready to talk about it, but that we would have that conversation._

_Lauren, however, decided to take things into her own hands and tell people that I had called Jake ranting and raving like a lunatic. She told students and parents and teachers that I have worked with and was currently working with that I was verbally abusive in front of my children. A friend of mine, who was a parent of a student on the track team, called me later that night to inform me that Lauren got on the phone as soon as Jake left to spread lies about me all over town._

_By that time, I had just finished with my Specialist degree in counseling. I was in the process of applying for jobs. I had interviewed at a school close to where Jake and Lauren worked, but the principal heard the rumors about me and wasn't "comfortable" giving the job to someone that had been rumored to verbally abuse her own family. Luckily there was another position at another school, and that principal knew me and knew better._

Edward looked pissed. "I can see now why you didn't want to give her anything to talk about."

"You actually handled her pretty well. People know Lauren for the trash she is, but it's hurtful to hear lies about yourself nonetheless."

"What did Jacob do?"

I hesitated a bit too long and Edward said, "Please tell me that he quit hanging out with her, please."

"I'm pretty sure that they still did stuff together. I realized that I couldn't control it anymore and my children needed their father more than I needed to fight that battle."

Edward looked like he was in pain. "Bella, if I'd have known you were suffering, I would have come so much sooner."

"That's a sweet sentiment, but it wouldn't have made a difference. As I said, my children needed their father."

"You're children needed to see a man that took care of his wife's needs first."

"Edward, you've met me right… My husband did not abuse me. I lived with Renee's tirades long enough to know how much that could impact Seth and Leah. My children had no idea that any of this was going on. Leah was just a baby, and Seth was still in preschool. Jake was a good dad."

Edward looked at me through those long eyelashes and said, "Wow! Guess I'm not the only one that fucked up in the marriage department."

"Nope, there are plenty more stories where that one came from."

* * *

Can you say codependent… Jake isn't such a nice guy now, huh. Do you think he cheated???

I had to bring out some of Edward's finer qualities. Remember, he works for the government, he's not good at sharing his feelings.

Reviews are awesome!!!!


	6. Back to Reality

**A/N - Sadly, these characters all belong to SM.**

**I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing. It is so exciting to me that people are actually interested in my story. **

**If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know. I've never done the writing thing, so I'm pretty open.**

**Again… Looking for a beta.**

********

"**Can you get that?" I yelled to Embry from the bathroom where I was giving Leah her bath and repeatedly telling Seth to put his pajamas on. **

**I couldn't get to the phone, but I was worried that it was someone from school telling me they were going to be out tomorrow. It was my semester to find substitutes, so I really had to pay attention to my phone.**

**I heard Embry coming into the kids' bathroom with the phone, and I grabbed it, placing it between my shoulder and ear, expecting it to be a teacher. I was surprised to hear Edward's voice on the other end of the line, and he actually sounded a bit irritated.**

"**I was just calling to see how your day went," he said quietly.**

"**It was awful and crazy busy. Can I call you back when I get the kids in bed?"**

"**If you want to. I'll talk to you later."**

**I handed the phone back to Embry as I pulled Leah out of the tub and dried her off. He took the phone back to its base and then came back in the bathroom to ask who the dude was that had such bad manners.**

"**What did he say?"**

"**He just asked for you, but I could tell that he was pissed about a guy answering your phone."**

**Embry's very pregnant wife, Tanya walked in behind him and said, "Maybe I should call him back and tell him that Embry's taken." **

**They began kissing, which grossed me out, so I followed Leah into her room to make sure she was getting dressed. **

"**Oh no," Embry said, "You aren't getting out of this conversation… Who is the guy."**

"**He's a guy that I knew in high school. I helped him look for an apartment this weekend."**

"**Is this the guy that Lauren saw you with Sunday morning?"**

"**Are you fucking kidding me," I yelled, glad that I had left Leah's room just before he dropped that bombshell. "She's already telling people about that."**

**Tanya piped in, "Yeah, she said he was HOT!… she also said it was obvious that the two of you were just friends."**

**Not knowing how to take that or what to say, I just nodded my head. "You see, it's nothing."**

**Embry and Jake had been roommates when they started teaching. I knew him from hanging out at Jake's apartment. He and I began working together about a year before Jake's accident, and he and I became very close. It used to drive Jake crazy that Embry talked more to me than he did Jake. I knew that he and Tanya were engaged before anyone else, and I was named the godmother of their first baby. That baby was currently chasing my son around with a sword right now pretending to be Peter Pan. **

"**Embry, Can we talk about this another night please? I need to get my kids in bed. 5:00 comes really early."**

"**Sure babe, but you know I'm not gonna let you forget. I won't bug you about it at work, if people are around though."**

"**Oh, well, thank you so much."**

**Embry had actually done me a huge favor this afternoon, and I owed him for it. I had a meeting with a group of counselors at the end of the day. One of them was a close friend of Lauren's and she went on the attack as soon as she walked in. The meeting was to discuss issues that kids face today, and she was quick to jump in and start talking about verbally abusive parents. She talked about how children that saw their mother yelling at their father could be scarred for life and it may not show for years. She even pulled out a study she had read. I refused to take the bait, and I agreed with her. **

"**I do think it's a terrible thing for children to see anyone say mean things to other people. Some people are willing to lie, cheat, and steal to get their way. Don't you think that is harmful to children as well?"**

**Victoria then brought up another study she had read about children raised in single-parent households. "Children raised by single parents have been found to suffer from serious psychiatric illnesses and addictions later in life. Other results from these studies showed girls were three times more likely to become drug addicts if they lived with a sole parent, and boys were four times more likely****."**

**I had no argument for that. I have read all the studies I could get my hands on to make sure that my children didn't become a statistic. Hell, that was the reason I had stayed married to a man that I questioned my love for anyway. I felt all the energy drain out of my body, and I was so afraid that I would start to cry in front of all those people.**

**I waited for a break and headed back to my office. The plan was to skip out of the rest of the meeting and get some work done that I had neglected. I sat down, and the tears came. Embry happened to walk by and see me, head in hands, at my desk. He came in and didn't ask a single question. He just pulled me into his massive arms and let me cry.**

"**Where are the kids today?" he asked after I had finally started settling down.**

"**Billy was dropping them off at Charlie's. I'm heading out to pick them up in a few minutes."**

"**Let me go get them for you. You take a few minutes to get yourself together and finish what you need to get done here. Tanya, Quil, and I will pick up the kids and dinner and meet you at your house."**

"**That's too much to ask of you guys. Besides, I haven't seen my babies since Saturday. I miss them."**

"**Bella, you will see them about fifteen minutes later than you would have seen them if you went to get them. Take that time to collect yourself so that when you do see them, you are in a good mood. You're doing the best you can. Your kids are great!"**

"**How do you always know what I need to hear?"**

"**I'm just good like that, I guess," he said with a smirk on his face as he was walking out of my office. "Call Charlie so he doesn't think I'm kidnapping them."**

"**You're the best! I love you Em."**

**Dinner was pizza and wings. Man, those La Push boys could eat. **

**The kids ran around like wild things for a little while after dinner, and it was hard to imagine the things that were going on in this house just last night…**

_**I felt drained after sharing my Lauren/Jacob story. It felt like a betrayal of his memory to talk about him with Edward. There were so many issues in my relationship with Jake, and I had never shared them with anyone. Embry knew a little bit, and I think that Edward had probably figured out a bit from my e-mails, but saying them out loud made it all seem so different. I wanted to be careful not to speak ill of the deceased, but I also didn't want to give Edward the wrong impression. Jake wasn't a bad guy - he was just not my Mr. Right.**_

_**Edward had told me that he and Jessica were legally separated quite some time ago, but I didn't know much else. I asked him why he was moving back to this area and what had happened between the two of them.**_

"_**Jessica and I got married because it was convenient. I know that sounds pompous and ridiculous, but I knew that I would never love her, and she told me that she felt the same way about me."**_

"_**Why would you marry someone that you didn't think you could love?"**_

"_**One could ask the same of you B- Why did you marry Jacob if you didn't love him?"**_

"_**Edward that's not fair. I did love Jake, I just wasn't madly in love with him. He was my best friend, and we enjoyed each other's company."**_

"_**You could say the same for Jessica and I. But as I'm sure you know, when you are trying to make yourself have feelings that you don't have, you stop enjoying the other person as much."**_

"_**I don't think I'm ready to have this conversation this afternoon, Edward. You've been physically back in my life for a little less than 24 hours, and I'm exhausted."**_

"_**Anything you want, beautiful."**_

_**Edward pulled me back into his chest and began running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the moment. His fingers started grazing up and down my arms and neck. I turned my head a bit so that I could take his fingers into my mouth. I began by licking his finger tips, but before long, I was sucking on his fingers in a way that obviously made him think of other things. I looked up to see his that his eyes were intently watching my mouth, and his breathing had gotten much heavier. I smirked at him and pulled his head down to my mouth. I began thrusting my tongue into his mouth causing him to groan. When he said my name into my mouth, I began to sit up so that I had a better angle. **_

_**He pushed me back down onto my back, and he laid next to me. Kissing me, he said, "I didn't do this just so I could get in your pants."**_

"_**Edward, if I thought you planned all of this so you could get in my pants, I can assure you, you wouldn't be. We have one more night of freedom, I say we make the most of it."**_

"_**Sounds perfect to me," he said as he rolled me on top of him. **_

_**We made out for quite a while, which was so reminiscent of high school, I forgot about all of my adult worries for a while. As the sun started going down, we decided we should probably start our hike back so that we didn't have to walk through the woods after dark. Edward stood up to start packing things up, and I sat on my knees to finish putting the food back in the basket. He was turned around putting the unfinished bottles of wine back in the bag, when I thought what the hell. I reached around his waist and put my hands on the button of his jeans.**_

"_**Bella, what are you doing?"**_

_**I looked up through my eyelashes and asked him if he wanted me to stop.**_

"_**That all depends on what it is you are about to do," he said with a definite smirk on his face.**_

"_**I'm about to give you the best blow job you have ever had."**_

"_**While that certainly sounds nice, I had this girlfriend when I was in high school, and I don't think anybody could compete with her…"**_

"_**We'll see."**_

_**I unbuttoned his pants and turned him around so that he was facing me. While pulling his pants and underwear down, I licked the tip of his cock, granting me a loud groan. I then ran my tongue down the underside of him while reaching up to gently massage. **_

"_**Oh God Bella!"**_

_**I took the length of him in my mouth, which was a task because he wasn't a small man. I put one hand on his ass and pulled him into me. I let him set the pace as he realized that he was supposed to thrust. I looked up at him to see him watching me intently. I could tell that he was getting close by the look on his face, so I pushed him in a bit further relaxing my mouth and throat. His thrusting became more frequent, and he started to pant.**_

"_**Bella I'm gonna cum. Do you want me to pull out?"**_

_**I looked up at him and shook my head no. At that time, I could feel him pulsating into my mouth. I swallowed it and then licked him clean. Before I could start to pull his pants up, he had lifted me off the ground and began kissing me passionately. **_

"_**You were right… You're way better than that girl I knew in high school. I can't even remember her name right now."**_

_**I smacked him lightly and we finished packing the picnic. The hike back to the car was quiet, and I fell asleep in the car on the way back to my house. Edward returned the favor before we spent the evening cooking dinner together. After dinner, we made use of the hot tub and the living room couch. It was quite the evening.**_

**Both kids were peacefully sleeping when I went to check on them, so I went to my room to do some work and call Edward Back. I checked my email to find one from the other counselor at my school:**

**Bella - **

**I wanted to tell that girl Victoria to piss off. It was so obvious to all of the other counselors what she was trying to do. I'm sorry you missed the last part of the meeting where Marcus pulled out his study on what having an ugly mother could do to a child.**

**Love you girl, **

**Kim**

**By that time, I felt so much better, I almost didn't want to call Edward if he was in a bad mood. Before I could think about it for too long, he had called me back.**

**I answered the phone quickly so as not to wake up the little ones.**

"**Hey there!"**

"**Hey! I'm not waking up your kids am I?"**

"**No. I always bring the phone into my room at night. I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you earlier, there were three children and three adults all talking at once."**

"**Oh, I'm sorry."**

**Part of me wanted to let him wonder who the random guy was that answered my phone, but I just don't have it in me to try to make a guy jealous.**

"**It's not a problem. I had a really bad day at work, so my friend Embry and his family came over for dinner."**

**Edward seemed appeased by the fact that Embry **_**and**_** his family were here. "I'm sorry you had a bad day. Do you want to talk about it?"**

"**There's really not much to talk about. One of Lauren's friends just managed to push my buttons today. Oh, and apparently she thinks you're hot and it's obvious that you wouldn't be dating me."**

**Edward Chuckled a bit and said, "Lauren has absolutely no idea. So when can I see you again?"**

"**I don't know Edward. My kids going out of town for the weekend is not a common thing. It may be a while before something like that happens again."**

"**Well, how about a date? Can you get a sitter one night to go out with me? **

"**Probably. When are you thinking?"**

"**The sooner the better. I miss you already."**

"**Ok. I will talk to Charlie and see if he's interested in some Grandpa time one night this week. I'll call you tomorrow."**

"**Sounds great, I'll talk to you soon."**

**I got off the phone and worked for a bit. I finished the few things that I absolutely had to get done and planned on reading some book about vampires that all of my students had been talking about. I didn't even get the book open before I fell dreamlessly asleep. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off the following morning.**


	7. Home at Last

A/N Sadly, these characters all belong to SM.

Thank you all for reading and adding my story!!! You rock!

Chapter 6

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EPOV

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I really hated to drop this car off at the Hertz counter at the airport. I knew that Carlisle would be there in an hour to pick me up in his Mercedes, but it just wasn't the same. I would definitely have to go car shopping in the next few days.

I was having most of my things shipped to my parents house this week, so I had very little with me. I dropped my car off and headed to a Starbucks at the front of the airport where I asked Carlisle to meet me.

I couldn't believe I was actually moving to Port Angeles with the intention of staying. I had spent so long running away from this place that the thought of settling in was a bit weird. Looking at apartments had been fun, but I really didn't care where I lived as long as it was close to Bella. I thought for a few minutes about asking Bella if I could move into her basement and pay her rent, but I knew that she wouldn't go for it.

I knew that Bella was doing pretty well financially. I had done some investigating of the trucking company involved in Jacob's accident as well as the truck driver. I found that the company had settled with other families for allegations of disabling the mechanism on the truck that shuts it down after the driver has been driving for too many hours. I also found that the driver had several citations for DUI and reckless driving. With that information, the attorney was able to get Bella and her children enough money from the company to make sure they were comfortable. Bella had no idea how her attorney had gotten that information.

Carlisle saw me as soon as he walked in the door, and his smile was contagious. He walked over and enveloped me in a hug that made me feel like I was five years old again. I loved it.

"Welcome home, son."

"Thank you. It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has, and I have to warn you that if you break your mother's heart by leaving again, I will hurt you."

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"You moving back wouldn't have anything to do with a certain brown-eyed girl, now would it?"

"I'd be lying if I said that it has nothing to do with Bella. I want to try to make things right with her. I at least owe her an explanation for what happened, but if things don't work out, I'm not going anywhere. I think I've finally learned that this is where I belong."

"Edward, your mother and I are certainly ready and willing to take you in with open arms, but please understand that it may be more difficult for others."

"I get it Dad. I know it was shitty of me to get married and run off, hardly ever giving anyone more than a rare phone call. You know better than most how difficult things were for me and that if I did call Alice or Emmett, it would have just caused them more grief." Quietly I added, "I'm willing to do what it takes to try to make things right with them. I can't wait to get my hands on little Jane."

"Well let's get to it then. Everyone is waiting for you at the house."

The drive to my parents house was so familiar. It was odd to me that the small town of Forks didn't seem to take advantage of the building boom that had hit the rest of the country. Very little had changed. Everywhere that I went, I saw little things that reminded me of my family and my girl. Only now, I could look at things and not go crazy. I knew that I would make my peace with Bella.

I got out of the car only to be attacked by a tiny little spiky haired thing. Alice yelled into my ear, "You really did come! I can't believe you are here!"

I hugged her back, a little surprised by the sentiment seeing as how I had only seen her two days ago, and looked past her to see Jasper smiling with a twinkle in his eye. He was holding an adorable little girl that looked just like my sister with my big green eyes. I reached into my backpack to pull out the bear I had brought her from D.C. I put my arms out tentatively thinking that she may be shy seeing as how she had only seen me in pictures, but she jumped right into my arms.

My niece's first words to me were, "It's about time, uncle Eddie."

_Do most three year olds speak that well?_

Everyone laughed as I hugged her tightly and promised her that I planned to make it up to her. I then told her parents that I was going to take her shopping for the most noisy and obnoxious toys that I could find.

Jasper finally spoke, "That's fine… She's gonna need some toys to stay at Uncle Eddie's place anyway for when she spends the night there."

My mother wasn't home yet from the store, so we went inside to settle in and wait for her. Emmett wouldn't be able to make it to Forks until tomorrow. He was in Seattle for a medical conference, and he was planning on coming straight here when he got out of his last seminar.

The kitchen had been completely remodeled since I was last here. It was nothing like the room that I remembered from high school. Mom had sent me pictures while it was being done, but it was nothing compared to the room before me.

The back wall had been opened up and covered with windows overlooking the river. The countertops had all been replaced with a bright granite which made the room look so much bigger. They had also put in an island in the middle of the room. The barstools placed around them were much more comfortable than you expect of kitchen barstools, and we all settled in.

"So Edward," Jasper spoke, "I'm pretty sure there aren't any bugs in the room, and you aren't on the phone or the internet… tell us what you've been doing for the last fifteen years."

I knew he was referring to the fact that I have alluded all of their questions for so long, convincing everyone that I couldn't talk about my life because it was top-secret.

"I've been doing a lot of grunt work really. I have been sent to the Caribbean and to the Middle East to gather intelligence for the ATTF. When that didn't make me happy, I thought I should branch out on my own and do some Private Investigating. Now, I am able to do both, and I think I will be much more content because it is here. This is where I belong."

"But Edward, when you were here the night after you snuck into Jacob Black's funeral, you told me that you were moving home then," Alice said, "Why has it taken you so long?"

Carlisle and Jasper both looked at me intently but for different reasons. Carlisle had no idea that I'd been at Jacob Black's funeral (neither did Bella for that matter), and Jasper just wanted to hear my answer.

"I have been planning since that day."

"Planning for what?" Carlisle asked.

"Ending your marriage isn't exactly easy." I was becoming uncomfortable with this conversation.

"I'm sure it isn't, but I don't understand why the death of Bella's husband would mean your marriage had to end," Alice had no idea that she was asking me questions that I had been asking myself for years. "Why did you leave, Edward? Bella would have never married Jacob in the first place if you hadn't married someone else and moved away."

"Alice, I think that's enough."

"No Dad, she's right, and I ask myself that question every day. All I can tell you Alice is that I didn't think I was enough for Bella, and it scared the hell out of me."

Carlisle spoke again, "I imagine Bella wouldn't have taken to kindly to you if you had shown up too soon either. Edward, I hope you are considering her needs in all of this. She has lost a husband and she's lonely, please don't take advantage of that. Both she and her children deserve better."

Alice jumped in, "Dad, I've seen Bella a few times since high school. She's a lot tougher than she used to be. Bella's not going to just bow down because Edward's back."

This conversation was becoming a bit too much for me. I told the room that I intended to give Bella all the time that she needed and excused myself to go to the restroom. I could hear mumbling behind me as I left the room, but I didn't want to hear what was being said. I had ruined my family's faith in me, and it was my responsibility to gain it back.

I came out of the bathroom to see my mother standing in the kitchen holding her mouth as if to keep from crying. My first instinct was to run to her and ask her what was wrong, but I realized she was crying because she was happy to see me. My entire family had come to see me a few times in the various places that I have lived, but I never made the effort to come back to Forks.

Being wrapped in my mother's arms gave me the sense that everything was going to work out. I don't know why I didn't try this sooner.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, if you ever stay gone for that long again, I will come find you and drag your happy ass back here. Do you understand me?"

"Yes. And I don't ever plan to be away from my family for that long again."

We talked for a while about trivial things. My family caught me up on the Forks gossip. I was particularly interested when they told me that Charlie Swan had married Sue Clearwater. I was so happy for him. He was such a good, solid man. He deserved so much more than Renee had ever given him.

I excused myself to get cleaned up before dinner. Walking into my old room was like being hit by a two by four. It was the one room in the house that my parents hadn't touched when they remodeled. It still had the same old black lacquer furniture that I thought was so cool at one time. I couldn't make myself open the drawers right now because I knew that if they hadn't been cleaned out, there would be all sorts of mementos from my times with my girl.

I dug my phone out of my backpack and called Bella. I had planned on waiting until tomorrow at least, but after the conversation that I had just had, I needed some assurance that she was real and that I had spent the weekend with her.

_Who the fuck is the guy answering her phone? And why the hell do I hear screaming?_

"Uh, can I speak to Bella?"

"She's in the bathroom, hold on, let me get her for you."

_Why the fuck is this guy walking into the bathroom with Bella in there?_

Bella answered, and she sounded kind of preoccupied.

I felt really uncomfortable, and I almost wished I hadn't called her. "I was just calling to see how your day went."

"It was awful and crazy busy. Can I call you back when I get the kids in bed?" _Did she just blow me off or is she really busy with the kids? And who the fuck is they guy?_

"If you want to. I'll talk to you later."

I felt like a territorial ass, but I couldn't get past the fact that some guy had answered Bella's phone and that she was too busy to talk to me. Before I called her back and made a total dick of myself, I decided to take a shower and go spend some time with my family. I took the phone into the bathroom with me just in case.

She didn't call.

I went down to eat dinner with my family. I tried really hard not to let my pissy mood show through, but I think they picked up on it. They just talked around me about their lives and I pretended to listen. After the dishes were cleared and everyone was just sitting around, Alice asked, "So how is Bella? Have you talked to her lately?"

"I have no idea how Bella is," I said standing up, "I think I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long day."

I hugged Alice and baby Jane goodnight and shook Jasper's hand. Before I could even make it up the stairs, I had my phone out and was dialing Bella's number again. _You're fucking pathetic!_

This time when she answered, she sounded much less stressed.

"Hey there!"

"Hey! I'm not waking up your kids am I?" I knew it sounded lame, but I didn't know how else to ask her if it was ok that I was calling again.

"No. I always bring the phone into my room at night. I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you earlier, there were three children and three adults all talking at once."

_Who the hell was the guy that answered the phone?_

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's not a problem. I had a really bad day at work, so my friend Embry and his family came over for dinner."

_Family… as in wife and kids?_

"I'm sorry you had a bad day. Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's really not much to talk about. One of Lauren's friends just managed to push my buttons today. Oh, and apparently she thinks you're hot and it's obvious that you wouldn't be dating me."

_Why do I feel the need to take out this Lauren person? _

"Lauren has absolutely no idea. So when can I see you again?"

"I don't know Edward. My kids going out of town for the weekend is not a common thing. It may be a while before something like that happens again."

"Well, how about a date? Can you get a sitter one night to go out with me?

"Probably. When are you thinking?"

"The sooner the better. I miss you already." _God, I'm so cheesy…_

"Ok. I will talk to Charlie and see if he's interested in some Grandpa time one night this week. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Sounds great, I'll talk to you soon."

Feeling better, I changed into some running shorts and headed to the basement for a workout. My parents were in the basement watching a movie, so I popped in to sit with them for a bit before I hit the treadmill. They turned the movie off and told me that they would love to just sit and chat. Carlisle went and got a bottle of wine out of the cellar, and I decided that spending time with my parents was probably better for me than time on the treadmill, so I poured us all a glass.

"Are you alright, Edward?" Esme asked sheepishly.

"I'm fine, Mom. I don't think any of this is going to be easy, and I feel like shit for putting everyone through all of this again."

My dad put his hand on my shoulder. "We're just glad you're home son. Your mother and I know that you left because you thought it was for the best, but the rest of your family doesn't know that, and they may not understand it if they did. Give them time. They all love you and are so thankful that you're here, I think they are afraid to get their hopes up."

We finished the bottle of wine and told stories until early in the morning. Having that glint in his eye, Carlisle pulled Esme up off the couch and told her it was bed time. I took that as my cue to head to the opposite side of the house and went to my room. I took one of the sleeping pills that I had brought with me and climbed into bed. It hadn't escaped my notice that I didn't have to take anything to help me sleep when I was with Bella.


	8. And I'll be Your Friend

**Chapter 7**

**A/N - Sadly these characters all belong to SM.**

**I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to update as much since it's back to reality for me. Gotta go back to work tomorrow ~ sucks, but it pays the bills.**

**Again, you guys rock. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Edward is still a mystery, but remember… it's Edward - he has that whole Martyr thing going on….**

**Happy Reading!!!**

********

"**Is that Alice in the background?"**

"**Yes, my evil sister won't leave me alone until I let her talk to you."**

"**Well, you better put her on then. I would hate for her to rupture your eardrum."**

"**Bella, when can we set up our play date? I've already told Jane about it, and we are sooooo excited!"**

"**Whenever. What's good for you?"**

"**How about Friday evening? We will be in Port Angeles house hunting again, so we could all come hang out with you guys and the kids can play."**

"**Sounds good to me. We'll be here. Can I cook dinner?"**

"**No, absolutely not, we will bring dinner and drinks. What do your kids eat?"**

"**My kids will eat just about anything that isn't good for them."**

"**Sounds like Jane. We'll pick something up and be there around 6:00. Is that ok?"**

"**Sounds great! Can't wait!"**

**We hammered out a few more details for Friday, and I was really excited about spending the evening with Alice and Jasper. Alice had always had that contagious personality that made you feel good just by being around her. She and I had seen each other a few times since high school, but it was a little awkward. Jacob didn't exactly love the thought of me spending time with Edward's sister, so I never pushed it. **

**Edward got back on the phone, and he sounded a little amused as he said, "I guess dinner is out for Friday night?"**

"**Sorry, I didn't know you wanted to do something Friday as well."**

"**No, it's fine. I'm coming into town on Thursday to really look for apartments. I'll be staying in the Lodge through Sunday, so what about Saturday night?"**

"**Should be fine. I'll have to run it by Charlie, but I don't think it will be a problem. Do you want me to meet you at the bar in the clubhouse?"**

"**That would be great. We can have a drink and then decide where to go from there?"**

**We made our plans and then just chatted for a while. Edward told me how much fun he had with Jane today. They had played outside and then gone shopping for some new toys. The juvenile tone of his voice while he talked about toys that they didn't have when "he was a kid" was quite endearing.**

"**I still find it strange that you have never met your niece considering how close you and Alice have always been."**

"**I know, it's inexcusable really."**

"**Edward, I wasn't trying to be critical. I was simply making a statement."**

"**I didn't think you were being critical, I just wish I could explain to you the amount of guilt I feel for so many of the choices that I've made."**

"**Well, guilt doesn't get you anywhere. There is no going back; all you can do is go forward from here."**

**I started worrying that our conversation wasn't just about Alice and his family, but thankfully, Edward didn't go there. Instead he told me all about Emmett coming home this afternoon. **

**It was difficult for me to reconcile the Emmett Edward was telling me about, that was a psychiatrist, with the Emmett that I remembered. I always felt so intimidated by Emmett's physical being as well as his intelligence. He was one of those people that you are afraid to talk to sometimes, because you're afraid he will start talking about something of which you have no clue. Not wanting to look like a bumbling idiot, I usually just avoided long conversations with him. And then there was the fact that every time he could, he would pick me up and either tickle me until I almost peed my pants or throw me in water… Somehow, Emmett always managed to find some water when I was around.**

**My day had gone much better today. Students were back, and as usual after a long weekend, many students were in need of their friendly middle school counselor today. I told Edward a particularly funny story about two students that obviously had a crush on each other and dealt with it by being extremely mean. **

**I had to get off the phone so I could go make lunches and do laundry and lay out clothes for the next day. I hated to get off the phone after such a pleasant conversation, but it was time. We said our goodbyes and agreed to talk later in the week before our date. **

**The next day, Edward sent two dozen pink and red roses to my school. The card simply said, "I hope you have another good day. Love, E"**

********

**Complete and Total Mayhem**

**That's the only way to describe the chaos that was going on in my living room. **

**I had let Seth invite a friend over so he didn't spend the evening fighting with his sister and her, hopefully, new friend. All four of the children were playing together well, but they were incredibly noisy. It was becoming increasingly difficult to carry on a conversation in the room, so I suggested that the kids go downstairs to play. We took them down and helped them set up the TV and games and made sure they had drinks and snacks. Alice and Jasper decided that a basement was a must in their new house.**

**They had planned on renting a house and looking for a house to buy once they got settled, but Alice had found some land not far from where my house was, and they found an architect today that was going to meet with them early next week to help them plan to build their house.**

"**The only problem is that we are having a hard time finding someone that will rent us a place for the six to eight months it will take for the house to be built. They either want us to sign a year-long lease, or they want us to pay a deposit that would cost us as much if we lived there a year. It's such a pain.**

**Jasper didn't speak often, so when he did speak, people listened. "We thought the real estate agent could figure something out, but so far, we haven't had any luck. We may have to pull out on the contract for the land and just look for a pre-built house when our lease comes up."**

"**That's crazy," I said, disbelieving. "You would think that people renting houses would be a little less demanding of tenants that look promising. I know it's not ideal, but you guys can stay in my basement while your house is being built if you want."**

"**Bella, that's asking a lot of you. We couldn't put you out like that," said Alice.**

"**It's really not," I was getting excited about the idea. "There's a kitchen and two bathrooms down there, so really, you guys wouldn't have to even come up here. The kids get along great, and frankly, I wouldn't mind having some other adults around sometimes. Even if we just meet on the porch some evenings." **

**Jasper spoke again, "Bella are you sure you know what you're offering? I mean, of course, we would pay you rent, but three people in your house is a lot."**

"**Guys, I really think this could be fun. It may be a pain for you all though. I don't know what your schedules are like, but you would probably hear us all stomping around up here at about 6 every morning."**

"**That wouldn't be a problem. Jasper and I get up around that time anyway, and Jane can sleep through anything."**

"**See, it's settled then. We can go take a tour if you all want to, so you know what you will need. The rooms are furnished, but you may have my little ones down there sometimes on the weekends because I won't let them play their video games up here. Of course, I would be happy to move them up here for the time being if you would prefer."**

**Alice jumped up from her seat at the table and threw her arms around me. "Oh Bella, I have missed you so much! This will be so much fun."**

"**Bella, you know that Edward may come to hang out some. Is that okay with you?" Jasper always seemed to be able to pick up on things that other people never did. **

**Jasper and Edward were very close in high school, and I think he was hurt almost as much as I was when Edward suddenly turned into someone else and left us all with very little warning. They were in the class ahead of me; Alice was the class behind me, but the four of us were inseparable. When I used to imagine my life, I would imagine nights like this one… with one more person there of course.**

"**I think it will be fine. I don't have an aversion to my Seth and Leah meeting Edward per se, I just don't want them to become confused about his role in their lives. I don't need any more complications, and that's not one that I am inviting."**

"**I wasn't just speaking about Seth and Leah, Bella. Can you stand for him to be around you?"**

"**Well, I wouldn't ask him to move into my basement, but I'm pretty sure that I can stand to see him without breaking down. We are going out tomorrow night, actually."**

"**Bella, you know that's not what I.."**

"**Really," Alice squealed. "Where are you going?"**

"**I don't know. We are going to meet at the club by the Olympic Lodge for a drink then just go from there."**

"**Oh Bella, I want you to give Edward hell, but I also want you guys to work things out."**

"**Whoa now Tinkerbell, there will be no working things out in the sense that you mean. I enjoy Edward's company, and I am assuming he feels the same, but I have a complete life, and I am not looking to enhance it in any way."**

"**Bella, I know that things were fucked up when Edward left, and it will take a lot for you to trust him again, but I really think he's trying to make things right."**

"**Alice, I don't know that we need to talk about this," Jasper said, putting his hand on her shoulder.**

"**Alice," I had to say respond, "There is the trust issue. More than that, though, is the fact that my life is complete. I decided when Jake died that I would be okay on my own. That's not to say that I plan to live like a nun, but I don't need a mate to complete me. It's a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago."**

**I noticed it was quite downstairs, which instantly alarmed me. I went down to check on the little monsters only to find the four of them asleep. They had managed to pull out the sofa bed and were curled up together with blankets from the downstairs linen closet. It was so sweet, I almost cried. I ran upstairs to get Alice and Jasper, but they were on their way down before I could get there.**

**We took several pictures and decided to let sleeping babes lie. Alice and Jasper would stay in the guest room downstairs, which allowed them to get a feel for the place. We went back upstairs and broke out another bottle of wine. Since no one would be driving, we got very tipsy and had a blast. **

**We talked for a while, then we decided to get in the hot tub. Alice and Jasper didn't have suits, but I found Jasper one that I kept of Jake's. It was enormous on him, but it served its purpose. Alice was shorter than me, but she was able to fit into my bathing suit. It probably showed less skin that she would have liked, but it served it's purpose.**

**We ignored the signs telling us not to consume alcohol while in the hot tub and brought our bottle and glasses with us. We didn't stay in for a very long time, though. Just long enough to be silly and talk about the things we used to do in high school. We were carefully avoiding the topic of Edward, which I thought was a shame, so I brought him up.**

"**Do you remember when you and Edward used to get in arguments on the way to school when Jasper drove? I thought you were seriously going to choke him to death one morning." I was giggling so much by that point I could barely breathe.**

"**Even better is the time that it snowed so much and Charlie knew he would be working a ton of hours. He brought you to our house to stay, and you were going to stay in my room, but you didn't and my mom walked in on you two. What exactly were you doing under the covers with my brother Bella?"**

**I blushed almost as much sitting in the hot tub with Jasper and Alice as I had when Esme walked in that day. **

_**We had been outside having a snowball fight. Edward and Jasper were severely beating Alice and I, and it was pissing me off. I climbed up in the tree house and waited patiently. As Edward walked by, I pegged him with a huge snowball and jumped on him from the opening. I knocked him down and landed on top of him.**_

"_**You throw like a girl Cullen."**_

"_**Oh yeah, well I certainly don't feel like a girl." He took my hand and slid it to him. I leaned down and bit his bottom lip, thrusting my hip into him.**_

"_**No, you definitely don't feel like a girl." I kissed him and slid my hand up and down him.**_

"_**Bella, as much as I would love to make love to you right here and now, I don't think we should do this out here in the snow. It may get a bit chilly."**_

"_**We could go in the tree house. It seems that no one looks up there."**_

"_**Let's just go to my room. My mom is cooking, she'll never notice."**_

_**Edward led me into the back door. Neither of us noticed that Jasper and Alice had also disappeared; that just didn't matter. We snuck up the back stairwell, pulling on our clothes as we went. **_

_**We barely managed to get the door closed an locked before Edward had my shirt off and was sucking on my breasts. He put his hands under me, lifting me. I wrapped my legs around him and let him carry me to the bed. I was glad that Edward's bedroom was upstairs. The only other room up here was Emmett's, who was away at college, so no one heard me moaning when Edward took my other nipple into his mouth. **_

"_**You're so cold."**_

"_**Hopefully not for long," I breathed as I licked his earlobe.**_

_**My hands were in his hair guiding his head where I wanted his mouth to go. He pushed me back on the bed pulling his shirt off, while he managed to keep alternating breasts. I pulled his head up so that he could kiss me. I thrust my hips into him again and began planting tiny kisses along his shoulders. **_

_**Edward unbuttoned my jeans and helped me pull them off along with the new thongs I had bought with the intention of tormenting him the next time I spent the night with Alice. **_

"_**Nice," he said, as he flung them across the room.**_

_**He slid his fingers into me. I gasped as soon as I felt the pressure. He added another finger and gently bit my nipple. I almost screamed. Edward looked at me then and told me that he had read about something called a G spot in Playboy and he wanted to try something. I was enjoying the sensation of him just touching me, so I had no problem with him trying something new. **_

_**My entire body was tensing on the brink of my orgasm. Edward curled his fingers and moved them a little bit, and I felt my entire body react. I bit into the pillow as I came to keep from screaming. My entire body was throbbing, and I could feel every muscle tense. I knew that Edward felt my body react and was entirely pleased. He looked up at me with a grin on his face and said, "Oh, I'm just getting started."**_

_**He was not kidding either. After giving me a few minutes of gentle kissing to recuperate, Edward started kissing my neck. He moved his head down and began sucking on my nipples once again. Knowing that I was completely turned on and ready for him, Edward just took his time.**_

"_**Edward, I need you to fuck me now!"**_

"_**That's too bad. I have other plans."**_

_**Edward continued his descent down my body. Licking the area around my belly button, he once again slid his fingers inside me. My body was begging for him to be inside me, which he knew and was enjoying holding out. He licked down my lower stomach area and found my warmth. Edward proved to me that it was completely possible to have multiple orgasms. My body was still clenching and unclenching when we heard a knock on the door.**_

"_**Edward," Esme's voice called from the hallway. "Why is your door locked? Is Bella in there with you?"**_

_**I panicked. Edward jumped up and gathered my clothing off the floor, throwing it to me. I put my shirt on first, then climbed under the covers of his bed hoping to be able to put the rest of my clothes on.**_

"_**Lay down," he whispered.**_

_**He put his shirt on and turned on the TV as he walked to the door to open. I was completely embarrassed and praying that Esme did not ask me to get up as I had no clothes on other than my shirt. Not knowing what else to do, I pretended to be asleep.**_

"_**Edward, I don't think it's appropriate for Bella to be asleep in your bed with the door locked."**_

"_**Sorry Mom, I didn't realize that I had locked the door. We were watching a movie and Bella just fell asleep." He pointed to the TV as if to show her it was in fact turned on.**_

"_**Edward, I would like for you to keep the door open. I don't think Charlie would appreciate his daughter being in your bedroom with the door locked."**_

"_**Ok Mom, I'll keep the door open. We'll be down as soon as Bella wakes up."**_

**Obviously, I didn't tell Jasper and Alice the details of that afternoon, but they got the gist. We got out of the hot tub and talked for a while more before going to bed. As I lay down that night, I thought of how great it was to have my best female friend back. I knew that I wouldn't let that go again… No matter what Edward did to me. **

*********

**The thrill of not getting caught!!!**

**Here's to old friendships that we forget about as real life gets in the way…**


	9. Grins and Giggles

A/N These characters all belong to SM.

Thank you all for your reviews. You rock!

Chapter 8

Ugh! Giggling.

I opened one eye to see my two favorite people in the entire world standing next to my bed giggling at me. I couldn't help myself, I just smiled at them.

"What's so funny?"

"Mom, you have your bathing suit on. Why are you asleep with your bathing suit on?" Seth and Leah asked in unison.

"Well, I just don't know. I must have gotten up in the middle of the night and put it on without knowing it… Kind of like Seth wakes up and takes his clothes off in the middle of the night, huh?"

The mention of Seth's habit of waking up and taking his clothes off caused that familiar blush that I so loved. It was one of the few characteristics he had gotten from me.

"We're hungry. Are you going to fix breakfast," Leah whined.

"I sure will… when you can ask appropriately."

I don't know when my three-year old learned to roll her eyes, but she was quite good at it. "Mommy, could you pleeeeaaaase cook me something?"

"Sure I will! What would you all like?"

"Pancakes," both kids said simultaneously.

"Ok. Do Jane and Aaron want pancakes as well?"

"I'll go ask." "No, I'll go ask." and with that, the sounds of running feet and stomping could be heard through the house.

I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how and why I had gone to sleep still in my bathing suit. I remembered getting out of the hot tub and wrapping up in a towel. Then I remembered hugging my new tenants goodnight. I came inside and sat down on the bed to change when the phone rang. Seeing who it was on the caller ID, I decided to be a bit silly (a bottle of wine per person will do that to you).

"_Well hello there. If it isn't the man I was just talking about."_

"_Uh oh, I take that to mean my goofy sister and her family are still there."_

"_They are probably having sex in my guest bed as we speak."_

"_Ugh, remind me not to ever sleep in that bed."_

"_You won't be able to. I have invited them to move in with me."_

…

…

_Absolute silence._

"_Edward?"_

"_I'm here. I'm just trying to decide whether or not I think that's a good thing or a bad thing."_

"_Doesn't matter. I've already invited them, and they've already accepted."_

"_Well then, I will just have to figure out how to use the situation to my advantage. Am I allowed to come visit my sister?"_

"_Of course you are. I would never try to keep you away from your family… But that doesn't mean that you get to bug me to death, either."_

"_Who me?"_

"_hmmmm. We can talk about this tomorrow night. I'm sleepy."_

"_Well you certainly need to get your rest. Make sure you take something for your head before you fall asleep. I don't want you cancelling on me because you're hung over."_

"_I didn't have that much to drink."_

"_Uh… yeah, you did. I can tell by the giggles."_

"_Good night, Edward."_

"_Good night, beautiful."_

I guess I had fallen asleep before I changed clothes. I just hoped that I didn't say anything too stupid or obnoxious while I was talking to him.

I changed into some pajama pants and a tank top and pulled my hair into a loose bun on the top of my head. By the time I got out to the kitchen, all four children were sitting in the bar stools around the kitchen island waiting for me. Someone, I'm assuming it was Seth, had gotten all of the stuff I would need to make pancakes out and put it on the counter.

"I take it everyone wants pancakes?"

A chorus of yes's was heard, so I asked the next obvious question.

"Do you all want chocolate chips?"

Again, all yes's, and I heard Alice coming up the steps saying yes as well. Jasper was grinning behind her. I couldn't wait for them to move in. Then I would have other adults to eat chocolate chip pancakes with, and I wouldn't feel like such a goof.

"When do you think things will happen," I asked without saying too much in case they had changed their minds or didn't want the kids to know.

"Well, since everything is furnished, we don't have to pack much other than clothes and a few essential things," Jasper stated. "I have classes all day Monday, and I have to do a bit of personnel type paperwork on Tuesday morning, so maybe Tuesday afternoon?"

"Sounds great to me," I said. "I will be home after about 5:30, but I can have a key made for you guys today and give it to Edward tonight if that's okay?"

"That would be perfect. Thank you Bella." Jasper excused himself while I was cooking to go help Jane in the bathroom.

The other children had lost interest in watching me mix ingredients and went to watch cartoons. Alice slid herself into one of the recently vacated barstools.

"Speaking of my brother, what did you say to him last night?"

"When?" I knew I must have looked confused, because Alice just giggled.

"I don't know Bella, apparently you spoke to him after we got out of the hot tub last night," Alice giggled again. "He texted me and asked if he needed to come take care of your drunk ass. I had to talk him out of coming over right then and knocking on your window. I think the only reason I was able to keep him at his hotel was that he had a few drinks as well and didn't want to drive. You must have told him about the Whitlock's moving in because he told me that he would be visiting all of his favorite people at once."

The thought of Edward drinking alone made me a bit sad. _That's not your problem, Bella. Edward made his choices. He's a grown man. _"I hope that's all I said."

"I think you may have said some other stuff," Alice looked at me from under her eyelashes. "Edward said something about finishing what you started."

Telltale blush.

Jasper picked that exact moment to walk in. "Bella's blushing. You must have told her about Edward's text." He was grinning when he said it, but I could detect that he wasn't thrilled about something.

Just knowing that Jasper had seen it or heard about it made my face turn an even brighter shade of red. I could feel the heat creeping up my neck.

****

The Whitlock's left shortly after breakfast to meet with their architect and real estate agent. Charlie had asked me to bring the kids over early so that he could take them fishing. They would be going to La Push, and they were excited to be able to see Billy as well. I dropped the kids home and decided some pampering was in store.

I had never had a Brazilian wax before, so I called Rose to go with me. She took me to her favorite spa and we spent the afternoon being waxed and plucked. We both had manicures and pedicures, and I got a haircut.

After a few glasses of champagne at Rose's insistence, she began drilling me. "So Bella, would you like to tell me why you are primping this afternoon? You don't primp."

I hadn't told Rose about my weekend with Edward. She knew that he had been calling me some and that we had talked about getting together soon, so I just let her think this was our first time seeing each other.

"Rose, you know how rare it is for me to get an afternoon away from the kids. I just thought it would be fun to be girly."

"Uh huh. This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain ex-boyfriend would it? Besides, what did you do all last weekend? Weren't the kids with Billy?"

_There goes that burning feeling in my cheeks again, damnit!_

"I knew it!" Rose startled the other salon patrons.

"Shhhhh, Rosalie Hale - you stop yelling this instant."

"I'm not one of your children, Bells, you don't have to talk to me like one." she smirked as she said it. "You were with Edward last weekend, weren't you."

It was a statement, not a question. I didn't feel the need to answer her.

"And you're going out with him again tonight."

Another statement that I didn't respond to.

"Do you think it's a good idea to just let him back into your life Bella?" I was there after he left, and I remember all too well how much he hurt you. I don't think you've ever really recovered, and I'm convinced it's why you married that douche."

"Rose!" I warned. She knew how much I hated it when she said mean things about Jacob. I knew it was my fault really, she knew how lonely I had been even while married to him. I think she assumed that he was much meaner to me than he really was, but I never really talked to her about it. "There's really no reason to be mean about him anymore."

"You're right Bella. And I love him for giving me my beautiful babies. Since it looks like I'm never going to have babies of my own, I think I'll just claim yours."

I laughed, "Well I think they sometimes love you more than they love me, so I'm sure they would take you."

"But back to the subject, Bella. Is Edward a good idea?"

"Edward is absolutely a bad idea for me. I know it, which I think is part of the allure, but I'm not going to let him get too close. I promise."

"So you're using him for sex?"

"Essentially."

"That's bullshit Bella, and you know it. You have never been interested in anybody the way you were with Edward. You are setting yourself up to be hurt again."

"Rose, I wish I could explain to you to know how good it feels to know that he does want me after all these years. I want him too, but we are not the same people. I'm not naïve enough to think that we can go back to the relationship we had. I don't trust him, and I don't plan to let him worm his way into my life. My family is too important to me."

"The fact that you just said that you want him to want you is what concerns me. I don't want you to change one damn thing about yourself for this guy. I haven't met him yet, so I'm reserving judgment on whether or not he is a douche, but you are too good for him."

"I'm not going to do anything to make him want me. He is a douche - but he's good in bed," I said with a smirk on my face.

"If you aren't changing anything, why are you here getting your ass waxed, Ms. Bella?"

"Oooh, good point. Do you think I could get them to glue the hair back on?" I was pretty silly by that point. I don't drink often, and for me to get silly drunk twice in one weekend was unheard of. "I'm not sure I can drive."

Rose grabbed my phone and started flipping through it. Before I knew what was happening, she was putting the phone up to her ear. She chuckled as she spoke, "Well hello to you too handsome, but before we both embarrass ourselves, lemme tell you that I commandeered Bella's phone, but I'm not Bella. I'm her best friend Rosalie, and if you fuck with her I will cut your balls off. That's not why I called though," she managed to sound sweet when she said all of this, and then she grinned.

"Good to hear. I am calling to tell you that I have managed to get Bella drunk again, and that you're going to have to come pick her up. I will take her home. Can you pick her up from there?"

They spoke for a few more minutes and then got off the phone. Rosalie was chuckling again as she hung up.

"I can't believe you just called him. What did he say?"

"Well, he thanked me for getting you drunk. And told me that he would provide me with a knife if he hurt you again."

"How come I don't get to cut anybody's balls off?" I complained.

"Get real, Bella you are way to sweet for your own good. Now we need to go home and get you dressed. If you're really going to mess with his mind, let's do it right."

A few minutes later, my phone rang. It was still sitting in front of Rosalie, so I grabbed for it in case it was Edward and she was planning on threatening him again. It was Charlie.

"Hey Bells," he said it that quiet Charlie voice. I could hear the giggling and laughing behind him, so I knew that nothing was wrong. "We're still here at Billy's and thought we might stay the night so we can go fishing again if it's okay with you?"

I was a little surprised that Leah had not annoyed them to death while fishing, and I said as much to Charlie.

"No, she loved it," he said. "She caught the most fish and told me that she wanted to move in with Billy so we can go every day."

"It's fine with me Dad, if you don't think it's too much."

Charlie cleared his throat before he spoke again. "Bella, there isn't a ton of room at Billy's, so we were going to stay at Sue's tonight if that's okay with you."

I was grinning from ear to ear. I really wanted my dad to be happy after my mother had treated him so badly. "Of course it is. What time should I come get them tomorrow?"

"We won't be done fishing until after 4 or so. Can I bring them to you? I'll call you when we're on the way."

I told him to make sure they got home in time for their baths and bedtime since it was a school night and we hung up. I got off the phone and told Rosalie of the plans.

"Oh, that just means we are going to have to really make you up tonight. You get another day and a half of great sex!"

"Rose," I said blushing, "what makes you think we are going to have sex?"

"Come on Bella, I'm not a fucking idiot!"

With that, we got in her jeep and drove home.

It was really warm evening, so Rosalie found a cute little (little being the operative word) white skirt that I had never worn. It was short and tight, and it actually made me look like I had a butt. She paired the skirt with a very tight blue wrap shirt. I've always worn this shirt with another shirt under it so that it wasn't too revealing. Rose nixed the other shirt and stuffed me into a push up bra, so all my cleavage showed. The lady that cut my hair had dried it straight. I could never get it to look that shiny. I almost didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I looked good.

Rose left a few minutes before Edward got to my house. I bet they passed each other on the road. I was putting my sandals on when the doorbell rang. I answered to more flowers and another bottle of wine.

Edward looked me up and down, "Damn B- I can't take you out looking like that. I will have to kill all of the men within a ten mile radius."

I just smiled and pointed to the flowers and wine. "Doesn't look like you planned on going out anyway."

"Oh, I'm taking you out. I just like to see you smile when you see flowers, and I'm hoping to keep you drunk so I can take advantage of you."

Blushed again…

I took the flowers and wine and headed into the kitchen with them. Before I got there, he had his arms around my waist and was kissing my neck. "You really do look beautiful," he whispered into my ear.

He knew I had a thing for ears.

I stood still for a minute letting him kiss up and down my neck, he began to bit gently, and I felt tingles in my belly. I pulled away and said that I didn't want to drop anything.

After putting the flowers and wine away, I turned around to hug him and say thank you. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let him envelop me. I stepped up on my tiptoes to kiss him, and he picked me up and put me on the counter. He kissed me slowly at first, planting gentle kisses on each corner of my mouth. Edward took my bottom lip in his mouth, and opened my mouth gently. His tongue started grazing my lips and teeth. We kissed like that for a while, with his hand grazing my thighs and working their way slowly up my skirt. I wanted his hands to go higher, but they never did. Edward pulled away slowly and asked if I was ready to go. I kissed him one more time, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into me as far as I could. Then I pushed him away and hopped off the counter.

"Let me grab my purse."

_Two can play at that game._


	10. The Talk

Chapter 9

I noticed that this car was very similar to the rental car we had been riding in last weekend. "Did you get another rental car?"

"Nope, I loved that one so much, that I decided to buy one."

This one was a bit nicer than the one he had. It smelled new and clean and like Edward. The leather was soft and comfy, but I couldn't help but think about how not practical this car was. It made my little Volkswagen look huge.

Regardless of the fact that it was entirely impractical, I loved it. "It's beautiful Edward. Perfect car to pick up chicks…"

"It worked tonight didn't it?"

"It's just too bad you don't have a back seat," I teased.

"Nah, my girl is too classy to mess around in a car, but if, for some strange reason, she wants to give it a shot, I'm sure we can work something out." With that, he wiggled his eyebrows.

We arrived at the lodge in an insanely short amount of time. Edward must have been driving much faster than I realized. I guess my mind was on other things.

We ordered drinks and found a table in the corner.

"You really do look incredible tonight, B. Of course, you've always been the most beautiful woman in the room."

Blushing, I said, "Edward, I think you've always been a bit biased. I think your attracted to the fact that I'm a complete spaz and you see things weirdly."

"Bella, do you remember your senior prom? You couldn't find me for a while, and I made some lame excuse as to where I was."

"I think you told me that you left something in the car, but you wouldn't tell me what it was."

"Yeah, I was outside with Mike Newton. I got tired of watching him stare at you."

"That's ridiculous! What happened?"

"I walked out of the bathroom and heard him telling that guy Tyler that he couldn't wait until I was out of the picture, so he could show you what a real man was like."

"What did you do?"

"I politely told him that I would kill him if he ever touched you. He informed me that I couldn't keep you locked up forever, so I may as well deal with the fact that other guys were trying to get with you."

"Oh God," I said, remembering how possessive Edward had been. "I'm sure that went over well."

"I didn't mess up his pretty face. I just let him know that I didn't like his attitude."

Edward spoke again, "I'm not telling you this for any reason other than to let you know that you are way more beautiful than you have ever believed you are."

"Edward, Mike Newton chased anything that was female and had a heartbeat. Besides, I'm alright with who I am. It's one of those things that you have to grow into."

Edward spoke so quietly that I could barely hear him. "I just wish I could have grown into it with you."

The waitress came over and Edward ordered another round of drinks. He asked me if I wanted to eat here or if I would rather go somewhere else. Realizing that I hadn't eaten anything since this morning and that I had quite a bit of alcohol in my system, I thought it would be best if we went ahead and ate at the clubhouse. We ordered our food and talked some more about the prom. We had ended up back at Edward's house with a group of people. Alice and Jasper snuck into her room after Carlisle and Esme went to bed, and Edward and I ended up having sex on the pool table in the basement. I blushed when Edward asked me if I knew of a pool hall anywhere in town.

Edward told me all about the apartment that he had found. The complex was fairly new, and he was able to get an apartment with a garage for his new baby.

"I'll be moving in early this week, and my job starts on Thursday."

Everything was happening so fast. Edward was back, Alice and Jasper were moving in, the school year was ending. I started feeling a bit overwhelmed and I said as much.

Our food arrived as Edward said, "Bella, I will give you as much space as you need. I know that I fucked up, and I want to make things right. I'd really like to explain to you my stupid, fucked up reasons for hurting you."

Just then, Lauren walked into the lodge with a date. She saw me immediately and made a bee line for the table next to ours.

I looked at Edward hoping that he would get my silent message that this conversation could not take place with her around. Thankfully, he did. When Lauren sat down, Edward spoke first.

"It's Lauren isn't it?"

Lauren gave Edward a glowing smile. "Yes, how are you Edward?" She completely ignored me.

"Bella and I are doing very well thank you. And you are?" Edward spoke to Lauren's date who she seemed to have forgotten.

Lauren jumped in, "This is Jason. He's a friend of mine." Making it clear that she was available.

Taking the reigns, Edward introduced both himself and me to Jason and made it clear that we would be leaving soon. He told Lauren that it was a bit surprising to see her again tonight, left money on the table and held his hand out to help me up.

As we were leaving, he made sure that Lauren was watching before he bent down to kiss me.

"Edward, please don't encourage her. She will find a way to turn that little kiss into so much more."

"Oh but Bella, that kiss was not a little kiss. It's just the beginning of so many things."

****

We hadn't really thought about what we were going to do after dinner. I had planned to stay at the clubhouse for a while and just chat, but Lauren managed to hinder those plans.

We had decided to walk around a bit and look at some of the things the country club had to offer. The temperature had dropped a good bit, and I was feeling a bit cold. Edward walked me to his car to find his jacket but not before gently pinching my nipple and telling me that he really liked this shirt.

As he helped me put the jacket on, he leaned me against the car and kissed me deeply. His hands were inside the jacket roaming up and down my stomach as his tongue was in and out of my mouth. I forgot that I was cold as I leaned into him. I pulled at his belt buckles pulling him into me. The groan that I got in return was all I needed to keep grinding my hips into him repeatedly.

"Fuck the grounds, let's go to my room," Edward groaned into my mouth.

I took his hand and pulled him towards the lodge. We stopped every few yards to kiss or touch or tickle. So, by the time we got to the door of the lodge, I had to stand in front of Edward to hide the fact that he was obviously turned on.

His room was on the second floor, so we decided to take the stairs rather than wait on the elevator. As we approached, Edward pushed me against the door and kissed me again. I completely melted. I had no thought other than the feel of him against me. It didn't even occur to me that we were standing in the hallway of a hotel and people would be walking around. …until I heard a soft chuckle.

I opened my eyes to see a couple, probably in their late teens or early twenties, walk by trying not to look at us. My grin broke the kiss with Edward, and I felt the embarrassing heat begin in my cheeks. Edward laughed openly and pulled me into his chest. He took the key card out of his back pocket and opened the door. The room was a large room. I noticed the huge bed in the middle of the room and saw little else. Before Edward could get the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, I was pushing him towards that huge bed.

I pushed him onto the bed, and crawled on top of him straddling his lap. I had to pull my skirt up because it was so tight, which Edward seemed to like quite a bit. I liked feeling like I was in control, so I pulled Edward's face up to meet mine. I kissed him deeply while running my fingers through that gorgeous mop of hair. I'm pretty sure that the entire world could have come crashing down around me, and I wouldn't have noticed it. His hands were roaming up and down my thighs, and I could feel the heat trailing behind them.

Edward laid back and pulled me down with him. He tried to roll us over, but I stopped him. I put my knees down on either side of him as I sat up. I pulled his shirt up and let my mouth roam his chest and neck. As he sat up a bit to pull his shirt over his head, I pulled his mouth to mine and kissed him again. He began pulling on the bottom of my shirt, so I stopped kissing him long enough to take the shirt off. He seemed to like the push up bra and paid extra attention to the area that it covered.

Becoming frustrated, I reached behind me to unclasp the bra. Edward's mouth began licking and sucking, and I felt the warmth building in my body. We undressed and I climbed back into Edward's lap. Again, he tried to roll us over, and again, I stopped him. As I pushed him down on the bed, I climbed onto him. I held his hands above his head as I took him inside of me. I continued kissing his chest and neck while keeping his hands above his head. I could feel my release building as I increased the pressure. I continued to hold Edwards hands as we climaxed together. Spent, I let go of his hands and laid down on his chest. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Edward was next to me rubbing my arms and smiling.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"I don't think you really fell asleep, I think you were just dozing. I just moved you."

I got up to find the bathroom, and I was pleasantly surprised to walk in to find a large Jacuzzi tub and a huge shower. "I think we're going to have to make use of this tub, Edward." I said it loudly because I thought he was still in the bed.

"You read my mind," he said as I jumped about 3 feet off the ground.

"I don't know how you manage to sneak up on me like that, but it's really creepy."

Edward began to fill the tub and walked out of the room. He chuckled as he said over his shoulder, "It's all the years of training I had before I could work for the government."

"So what exactly do you do?" I had always wondered what job could drag him so many places.

He came back in the bathroom with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

Somehow I got the impression that he was only half kidding. "So I guess you do a lot of top-secret spy stuff, right?"

He chuckled again, "Well, I'm no James Bond. I worked for a while collecting intelligence for the military. I have been in some really nasty places trying to get information from some scary folks."

I had a hard time picturing Edward as someone that could hurt or kill someone, but I'm sure there were sides of him that I would never see. "Did Jessica go with you on these missions?" I didn't know what else to call them. It all seemed so foreign to me.

"Sometimes. Her job took her many places too. We used to try to get assignments where we could be together, but then we stopped doing even that much."

The bathtub was full now and we climbed into the warmth. The wine was incredible, and it felt so warm going down my throat. "Is that why you two split up?" It was a conversation that I had been avoiding, but I knew we needed to have it. I also knew that I was going to need a lot more wine if we were going to talk about Jessica. I have compared myself to her in every way for the past fifteen years. Sitting naked in the Jacuzzi with Edward while talking about Jessica was not going to help my esteem.

"No Bella, we split up because we were never in love. I know you don't want to hear this, and I told you that I was going to give you your space, but I never stopped loving you. Jessica knew that. It got to a point where she and I just couldn't pretend any more."

I wanted to kick myself because I felt my heart flutter when he said he loved me. It also broke a little because if he really loved me, he never would have left. "Edward, that doesn't make sense. I didn't break up with you. I would have followed you anywhere. I wanted to marry you and have your babies." The flood gates had opened at this point, and despite all my efforts not to, I felt myself beginning to cry. "You were going to become a doctor, and we were going to live close to your family. We had all these plans, and you just left. You left, and you married someone else. Someone you dated when you were 14 for God's sake."

Edward pulled me into his chest. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I will never forgive myself for making the decisions that I made, but I knew that I couldn't be the man you planned on marrying, so I ran away. I wanted you to have all of the things you planned on, and I couldn't give them to you."

I wanted to push him away and yell at him but I couldn't. Burying my face in his chest, I said, "You were the man I planned on marrying. How could you say you couldn't be him?"

"Bella, I couldn't give you the life you wanted. There would have been no house on the hill with babies running everywhere."


	11. Long Night

A/N Sadly, all of these characters belong to SM.

So as I go back and re-read, I'm realizing that I truly do need a beta. Maybe they would have caught some of the big mistakes that I've made. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I'll try to proof better.

Reviews are awesome!

Chapter 10

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EPOV

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Sitting with Bella in a Jacuzzi was not exactly how I had planned to have this conversation with her. I had to hand it to her, though, she teared up for a brief moment, but she was not about to let me see her really cry. I had been thinking through this conversation in my head for many years. Every time I tried to figure out how to say that I took off because I knew I was unable to have children, I realized how incredibly stupid I had been.

"Bella, do you remember when you were in the hospital after your ovary ruptured?"

She was looking at me with those big chocolate eyes, and I could see that she knew where this conversation was headed. Bella could always read me, which is why I had to stay away. I would never have been able to let her live her life if I had stayed close.

"Edward, what are you trying to tell me?" Bella spoke quietly like she didn't want to ask, but she wanted to make me tell her that I fucked everything up.

She had pulled away from me and was sitting at the far end of the hot tub covering herself with her hands. I could see fear and anger. Bella was also not very good at hiding her emotions from me. I continued, "Shortly after I was adopted, my parents took me to get a regular check up. They noticed that I wasn't properly developed in, um, some areas. I was diagnosed with a disorder called Cryptorchism. Without going into too many details, I can tell you that it causes male infertility. I never told you about it because I didn't think it would matter - besides, it isn't something that I love to talk about."

When Bella looked at me this time, I saw nothing but anger. "Edward, are you telling me that you took off without any explanation because you can't have children? You actually didn't think I was smart enough or strong enough to deal with something like that?"

"It's not like that Bella. I don't know if you remember, but we had a conversation when you were in the hospital, and you made it very clear that you wanted "our" children. Up until that point, I just figured we would figure out a way to have kids and it would be okay - that evening, it was pretty clear to me that you wouldn't be happy with alternative methods."

Bella had laid her head back on the back of the tub. She stayed still for so long that I thought she had fallen asleep. I was getting ready to get out and carry her to the bed when she looked up at me. Tears were flowing down her face as she said, "Are you fucking kidding me? You thought so little of our relationship and of me that you would put our entire future together on the line based on a conversation that we had when I was on drugs. I don't even remember that conversations, yet it completely changed my life." She was rambling by this time, "Edward, I don't even know what to say to you. Who the hell do you think you are? What kind of pompous ass makes life altering decisions for people without even consulting them about it?"

She started to stand up and reach for a towel. I was afraid she was going to slip, so I grabbed her arm.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She jerked her arm out of my hand and did almost fall. She stepped out of the tub, righting herself on the wall and wrapping the towel around her so that it looked like she was protecting her stomach from a hit.

"Bella, I-"

"Edward, there is nothing you can say that will make this okay. I thought that I could do a casual relationship with you… You know - great sex and stuff, but I can't. I can't do this Edward." Her voice got much louder then. "Do you have any idea of the torture that I have put myself through for the past fifteen years? I have wondered what I could have done to make you stop loving me. I have wondered if you ever really loved me in the first place. I have felt completely empty - like a part of me was missing. I have wondered what Jessica had that I didn't. And then there is the Jessica thing. How could you marry someone that you didn't love? Did it not matter to you that you hurt her? Oh my God, Edward, there is so much wrong with this, that I can't even begin to comprehend what you're telling me."

Bella was crying so hard by this point that she was almost unable to speak. She sat on the side of the bed and sobbed. I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to her. I hesitantly put my arm on her shoulder only to be pushed away. She got up from the bed and began to get dressed. She went to the chair by the door and started digging around in her purse. It took me a few minutes to realize that she had pulled out her cell phone and was calling someone. Before I could ask her what she was doing, she was speaking.

"Rose, I need you to come get me from the Lodge." Her voice had dropped noticeably and it was obvious that she was trying not to cry into the phone.

Panicked, I took the phone away from her and spoke to her friend. "Bella's upset with me right now, but I think she should stay so we can discuss things." I wasn't expecting the response I got from her friend.

"I don't give a God-damn what you think would be best. Put Bella on the phone right now. I don't know what you have said to her, but I will kill you if I have to."

Bella had a murderous look in her eyes as she told Rosalie that she would meet her in the lobby. She shut her phone and looked at me. " I don't know who you think you are," she said very quietly. "But I am not seventeen years old, and I will not let you decide what is best for me again. Do you understand me? I am an adult. I have two children. I have made my choices with the information that I had." She was almost hissing by this point. "I am telling you now that you coming back to this area does not change any of that. If it means that you need to run away from me again, you go right ahead. If you ever take the phone out of my hand and try to tell someone else what I should do, I will shove it up your ass."

And with that, she walked out and slammed the door behind her.

I didn't chase her. I knew it would only make her madder. This wasn't exactly what I expected when I told Bella that I left for her own good, but as she said, I didn't know this Bella anymore. My feet were itching to leave. She had made herself perfectly clear. I knew that leaving would not settle anything though, and it was time to face my mistakes.

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BPOV

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I probably should have noticed all the people that were looking at me sitting in the lobby of the lounge. I'm sure they were all wondering why I was sitting there, soaking wet, and crying, but thankfully, nobody tried to talk to me. Rosalie got to the Lodge in record time. She ran in dressed in her pajama pants and a UW sweatshirt. It was then that I realized it was 2:00 in the morning.

"I'm so sorry that I called you so late. I didn't even-"

"Shut up Bella, let's go."

I had barely gotten in the Jeep before she was squealing out of the parking lot. "What the hell did he say to you Bella? Should I go back and kill him?"

I was tired and didn't feel much like talking anymore. "Will you stay with me tonight? We can talk about this in the morning."

"Of course I will baby. That's the only way that I can keep myself from going back there and ripping that guy's throat out."

I leaned over and put my head on her shoulder. She patted my leg in between shifting gears. I replayed the conversation in my head trying to make sense of it. Did he really think so little of me? Was I really so dependent on him that he thought he had to make my decisions for me.

I had never been more happy to see my house as I was that night. A sense of peace settled over me as the Jeep pulled up next to my garage. We got out and went into the house silently. The blinking light on the phone signaling that I had messages caught my attention first. My inner battle of whether or not to listen to the messages was short lived. As soon as it occurred to me that it could be Charlie, I grabbed the phone to retrieve the message. Expecting to hear Edward's voice, I was shocked when Phil's voice came on the line.

"Isabella, this is Phil. Your mother has been in an accident, and I need to speak with you. I don't have your cell phone number with me. Please call me back as soon as you get this message."

Then another…

"Isabella, I know that you may or may not want to hear from your mother, but I think you should call me back."

And another…

"Isabella, you are behaving like the petulant little shit you are. I need to speak with you. Your mother is seriously wounded and you can't even have the courtesy of calling back!"

I couldn't think straight. I guess that's one of the side effects of too much to drink, too little food, and very little sleep. I watched Rosalie go to the bar and pull out a bottle of something. I'm pretty sure that I told her that I would just have water. I dialed the number that Phil had left only to hear it ring several times then click over to voice mail. I left a message letting Phil know that I had been out this evening and I wasn't avoiding his phone call. Carrying the phone with me to my room, I changed into my comfy pajama pants and a tank top. I brushed my wet hair and pulled it into a loose bun on the top of my head. It was then that I looked at myself in the mirror. Gone was the confident woman that left the house this evening. I looked like a scared little girl. Hell, I felt like a scared little girl.

The phone rang, and I picked it up immediately assuming it was Phil calling me back. It wasn't.

"Bella, I-"

"Edward, I can't talk to you right now. I have too many things to think about and I need you to leave me alone for a while."

"Bella, I just wanted to make sure that you had gotten home alright. I will leave you alone for a while, but I will not just fade into the woodwork."

"Goodnight Edward." and with that, I hung up the phone.

Comfortably numb, I walked back into the kitchen and began digging through Rosalie's purse. I found the pack of cigarettes that she always kept for emergencies and headed out onto the back porch. She followed, knowing the routine. Since the time when we were in college that I had gone home to see Edward and came back completely devastated, we had shared our heartbreaks over a pack of cigarettes. It was her indication that I was ready to spill.

I told her about the evening and about running into Lauren again (I always thought it was a little fun to talk about Lauren in front of Rose because she was the only person that I knew who could take Lauren out in the bitchiness department). I told her about the conversation with Edward and his reasons for leaving. By the time I had shared everything, we were almost through half the pack of cigarettes and she had almost finished a bottle of wine. Completely spent, I just stared at her running through the conversations and events of the day again and again in my head.

The psychologist in her couldn't resist. "Bella, tell me what exactly you're upset about."

I told her that I was upset that he had made the choices for me. That he hadn't trusted our relationship enough to think we could fight through it. I was upset because I had spent years thinking that I wasn't good enough for him or that he loved someone more than me.

Rosalie was the only person that I knew that loved children more than I did. She had even begun seeing an adoption lawyer since she wasn't married, and didn't see that in her immediate future. So when she asked me if I would have done things differently knowing then what I know now, it stopped me in my tracks. If Edward hadn't left, I wouldn't have married Jacob and had my sweet babies. That thought alone gave me so many different things to think about. Rose was right, I should be grateful for what I have, but that didn't change the fact that Edward had made my decisions for me. That's something I couldn't tolerate. I needed to think without her input, so I changed the subject.

As we were talking about this guy she met at her last medical conference, the phone rang. I had completely forgotten about the messages from Phil until I saw his number on the caller ID. I answered the phone preparing to be yelled out by him or my mother.

"I guess you think you are entitled to your mother's life insurance policy." That's how he informed me that my mother was dead.


	12. Back to Phoenix

A/N - sorry it took so long to upload. Sickly family this week! Thanks again for the review as I love each and every one of them.

Again - all characters belong to SM

Chapter 11

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As I was boarding the plane to Phoenix for the first time in almost twenty years, I couldn't help but think about how much had changed in my life over the past few weeks. Seth and Leah were once again spending a few nights between Charlie's house in Forks and the house that Sue kept in La Push. The school year was almost over for Seth, so I was able to get them to excuse his last two weeks. That helped Charlie out some, since he wouldn't have to drive to Port Angeles to get him to school every day. Sadly, I had no idea how long I would be in Phoenix. Phil said very little on the phone, and I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there.

As soon as I had gotten off the phone with Phil, Rosalie helped me pack my bags while I found a flight to Phoenix and called Charlie. Of course, they both offered to come with me, but I didn't want either of them involved in the mess that I was sure was awaiting me. I got the first available flight, which barely gave me time to shower before leaving.

I let my head fall back on the seat as the plane took off. My mind began to wander.

_My mother had called the dance studio to tell them that her new boyfriend, Phil would be picking me up tonight. It seemed to be a common occurrence for her lately. She had just started her degree in something new (I couldn't keep up any more), and she would be with some girls from her class this evening. My mom and I used to be so close, but lately, she seemed to want so much more than a thirteen year old girl could give her. When my dance instructor told me that it would be Phil picking me up, I wasn't surprised. At least I wouldn't have to walk home in the dark._

_I walked outside to find Phil leaning against his car smoking. I bit my tongue to keep from lecturing him on the health ramifications of smokers and just climbed into the front seat. He got in and asked me how my day had been. I told him about tripping up the steps on the way into the gym, which he thought was quite comical._

"_You know, Bella… that's why your mother is paying a fortune for you to go to dance classes. She thought it would help your coordination some."_

_Sarcastically I replied, "Well, she is obviously paying way too much. It isn't working."_

_We both laughed a little and then settled into the uncomfortable silence. I was surprised that Phil got out of his car when we arrived at my house._

"_Mom isn't here," I said, pointedly._

"_I know she isn't, she told me to wait for her. She shouldn't be too long."_

"_Okay. Well, make yourself at home. I'm gonna go change and then I was just going to fix a sandwich before I do my homework. Do you need anything?"_

"_Nah, I can take care of myself. Thanks."_

_My arms hurt from where I caught myself on the gym steps. I couldn't wait to feel the heat from the shower. I took off my sweaty dance clothes and looked at my skinny self in the mirror while I waited for the water in the shower to heat up. I have no idea why, but suddenly, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I looked around, but I couldn't figure out the reason for my sudden panic. I opened the bathroom door just a crack, but I didn't really notice anything out of place. I thought I had shut my bedroom door, but it was opened, so I wrapped a towel around myself and tiptoed to the door in order to close it._

_I couldn't shake the creepy feeling that I had as I went back to my bathroom. I made sure the windows were locked and I locked the door, which was something that I rarely did. I stepped into the shower, and the hot water erased the fears for a few minutes. I let my shoulders and arms relax in the steamy water and just enjoyed the sensation. As I was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, I felt that tingly feeling once again. I could have sworn that I heard someone trying to open my bathroom door. I got out as quickly as I could and got dressed. Letting my hair drip down my back, I stepped out into my room. My door was open, and Phil was sitting on my mother's bed across the hall staring in my direction. He had a strange, maniacal look on his face that made my blood go cold. _

_I closed and locked my bedroom door and called my mom to ask her when she was going to be home._

"_You know Bella, it's not all about you anymore. I have a life too."_

"_I know that you do Mom, I was just wondering if you knew when you'd be home since Phil is here waiting for you and I certainly can't entertain him."_

"_I didn't know that Phil was staying. Tell him that I should be home in about thirty minutes."_

_By this point I was really uncomfortable. Phil had said that Mom told him to wait, but Mom said that she didn't know he was waiting. I knew that my mother could be really flaky, but she never forgot anything as far as Phil was concerned. Not wanting to leave my room without a buffer, I called my daddy._

_Charlie wasn't a very verbal man, so trying to keep him on the phone until my mother came home wasn't easy. I asked him about Forks and about some of my old friends. I had been gone from Forks for about three years, but sometimes it felt like it had been a lifetime. I tried really hard to think of things to keep Charlie talking, but he finally just asked._

"_What's wrong Bells?"_

_Before I even thought about it, I said, "I want to come home, Dad."_

"_Are you sure?"_

_I looked up to see Phil coming down the stairs. _

"_I'm absolutely positive."_

The flight attendant brought me out of my reverie when she asked what I would like to drink. I ordered a bottle of water and asked for an apple. It hadn't really hit me yet that my mother was dead. I'm not sure that I ever came to terms with the way that she treated me when she found out that I was moving back to Forks.

"_Bella, you don't know what you are talking about. You are thirteen years old!"_

"_Mom, that's old enough to decide which parent I want to live with according to the courts."_

"_Why are you doing this to me? I have given you everything that I could give you, and it's still not enough."_

"_Mom, you know that's not it. I love you. I just miss Forks."_

_My mother was flaky, but she was no dummy._

"_Bella, is this about Phil? You know that was all a misunderstanding, right?"_

_I had been telling her about the weird feeling I had regarding Phil for a few days. I tried to bring it up several times, but she just shushed me and changed the subject. The same night that it seemed like he was trying to get into my bathroom with me, I woke up to him standing with his hand down his pants, next to my bed. I screamed loudly, and my mother came running in. Phil told her that he must have walked into the wrong room while looking for the bathroom. I told them both that I didn't buy it. I tried to tell her about the events that had occurred earlier in the evening, but they both dismissed it. I overheard Phil telling her later that he thought I was purposefully trying to undress in front of him, which made him uncomfortable enough to get up and shut my bedroom door. _

The plane was making its descent into the airport. I decided to push those thoughts away for now. I was no longer afraid of Phil. He had purposefully tried to intimidate me for the few weeks that it took to get everything in order for the big move. Since then, I had not been back to Phoenix. My mother was sad at first. She would call and cry and ask what she had done wrong. Then she became angry, telling me that I was spoiled and that I didn't appreciate anything that she had done for me. I tried to explain to her once that I would love to see her more but that Phil made me uncomfortable. That didn't go over very well at all.

She and Phil would come visit every so often. I had never told Charlie, or anyone other than Edward for that matter, about the way I felt around Phil, but he always seemed to know. He never made me go anywhere with my mother and Phil without being there too. I know how hard that was for him, but he never said a word.

When Jacob died, Mom and Phil asked if they could take my kids for a few days. The thought caused an all out panic attack, which neither of them took too kindly to. Since then, there had been very little conversation between us. I was not looking forward to seeing Phil again. Especially under these circumstances.

I had called him when I made my flight arrangements to let him know when I would be in Phoenix and where I would be staying. I had expected to catch a cab from the airport to my hotel and just relax before the memorial tomorrow. The last thing that I wanted or expected was to find Phil waiting for me at the baggage claim.

"Isabella, Isabella!"

I looked around wondering if there had been another Isabella on the flight. Nobody called me that. Then I saw him waving his arms. I looked at him disbelievingly as he walked towards me.

"Which bag is yours?" he nodded his head towards the belt.

I told him that it hadn't come out yet and that I could get it when it did.

"Don't be difficult Bella, I'm trying to help."

"Phil, I appreciate that help, I truly do. I can get my bag though, then I was going to get a cab to the hotel. I'm tired, and I just want to go to bed."

"I would like to drive you to the hotel if you don't mind. I have something that I would like to discuss with you."

Feeling very uncomfortable and not willing to bend on this, I told Phil that I was too tired to process anything else right now. I asked him to meet me for breakfast in the morning. He didn't seem too pleased, but he agreed and asked if I wanted a ride anyway.

"Honestly, Phil, I really would rather just take a cab. I will see you at 9:00 tomorrow."

I didn't turn around to see if Phil had left yet, but I knew he had by the way the tension in my body eased.

I had sent Alice a quick text before I left explaining what had happened and that I doubted I would be home on Tuesday to greet them when they moved in. I told her to get the key from Edward and to call me if she needed anything. I wasn't at all surprised to see that I had missed 7 calls and had a whole bunch of voice mail and text messages. There were messages from both Rose and Charlie telling me to call them when I landed and was in my hotel. The next two messages were from Alice. The first message said that she was sorry to hear about my mother and to let her know when I landed. She told me that if I was going to be gone long to let her know and she would bring Seth and Leah home so they could sleep in their own beds. It was the next message that almost made me lose it.

"Bella, it's Alice. I called Edward to get the key and had to explain to him what had happened. He became quite upset that you hadn't called him. I just wanted you to know, he's probably going to be calling you. Um, he told me that you were upset with him, but that he doesn't think you should be in Phoenix alone. … I just wanted you to know."

I wanted to scream at Alice. Ugh! Edward had always been a little protective of me and loved to jump in and try to save me every chance he got. I figured the next three messages would be from him, and they were. Each message got increasingly more agitated as he wondered about my whereabouts and wanted me to call him to let him know that I was alright. I knew Edward well enough to know that if I didn't call him, he wouldn't give up, so he was the first person I called as I got into the cab. The phone went immediately to voice mail signaling that either the battery was dead or that he had turned it off. I left a message telling him that I was fine, and I would call later. I told him that I wasn't really angry with him anymore, I just had a lot of things to figure out. I closed the phone, but I couldn't ignore the blinking light signaling that I still had text messages.

They were all from Edward. I looked through them, and they all said about the same thing as his voice mails did, so I deleted them quickly. The last message caught my eye though: _I'm coming to AZ. u don't have to talk to me if u_ _don't want, but I can't leave u alone with that guy._

Knowing there was no argument, I sent a reply: _thx! I'm at the Crown in Phoenix - call when ur close._

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Should Bella be so forgiving? Is she? Should she ever have been as mad as she was in the first place?

Short chapter, but I will try to update soon.

Please review!


	13. Too much to handle

a/n - sorry again for taking so long to update. This nasty bronchitis has done a number on my house. Hopefully we will all kick it soon, though and I can update more regularly.

Sadly, all of these character belong to SM

**Chapter 12**

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**I couldn't figure out what the beeping sound in my ear was. It seemed awfully bright to be as late as it was... and what was that annoying sound. As I slowly came to the realization that I wasn't at home and it was late afternoon, not the middle of the night, all of the events of the past few days started coming back to me. I rolled over to the awful realization that my mother was gone. She and I would never have the chance to fix things between us. That thought caused me to feel pain in my chest like I haven't felt in a long time. I always assumed that she and I would one day discuss what happened and then move on. It never occurred to me that it might be too late.**

**Ignoring the beeping sound for a few minutes, I got up to wash my face. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw. I was pale and sickly looking. The past few days just came crashing down on me, and I collapsed in tears onto the bathroom floor. **

**I'm not sure how long I sat there, crying and staring at the walls, but the beeping of my phone seemed to be getting louder and louder. Eventually, spent from crying, I searched for my phone to find out who the messages were from. The first message was from Charlie asking me to please call him so that he didn't have to call the Phoenix PD looking for me. The next message was from Rosalie, and it said essentially the same thing...only not quite so nicely. I took care of both of their messages by sending a text saying that I was in my hotel and didn't plan on leaving tonight. I apologized for not calling them sooner, but I explained that I fell asleep without meaning to. I knew they would both understand that. **

**The next message was a text from Edward. Just as I was registering the message, "be there shortly," I heard a knock on the door. Knowing that I looked like death, I asked him (I was presuming it was Edward) to wait a minute. I tried to wash the splotchiness off of my face, but I only managed to make my eyes look even more red and puffy. "Fuck it," I said to myself as I flung the door open. He stood there, motionlessly and stared at me. Before I could say a word, I was wrapped in his arms and the door was closing behind us. Edward managed to get us to the bed without my knowledge. I sat in his lap and cried myself out. He never said a word.**

**By the time I was finished crying, it was completely dark outside. I got up to look out the window, and Edward startled me by speaking for the first time.**

**He spoke very quietly, "I'm guessing you haven't eaten all day. Let's order some food."**

**"Thanks. That would be great. How did you know which room to come to?"**

**Edward actually smirked. "Bella, I have ways of finding these things out. I haven't gotten a room for myself yet, I wanted to come check on you first, but I will go to the desk as soon as I order your food."**

**Panicked, I yelled, "No! I mean... I don't mind if you stay here with me. But we have way too many things to talk about for you to think that anything might happen." The joys of having two beds.**

**Edward actually laughed at this. "Bella, I know you are hurt, upset, and tired. As much as I enjoy having my hands on you, I think I can keep them to myself."**

**I felt the familiar fluttering in my lower belly when he talked about having his hands on me, and I could have kicked myself. **_**What the hell is wrong with you Bella?**_

**I told Edward of the weird encounter with Phil at the airport. He was glad that I refused to ride back to the hotel with Phil, and he asked me if he could come with me to meet Phil in the morning. I didn't think that was necessary, and I said as much, so we agreed that Edward would wait for me in the lobby while I met with Phil. **

**"What do you think he needs to speak with you about?"**

**"The only thing I can think of is Mom's life insurance, since he mentioned that over the phone. Honestly, I don't care."**

**"Don't make hasty decisions, Bella. Do you know exactly what happened to your mother?"**

**It occurred to me at that moment that I hadn't even asked Phil what happened. "He said she was in an accident. I guess I just figured it was a car accident." Feeling awful for not even knowing the events that caused my mother's death, I started panicking again. "Oh my God, Edward. My mother is dead and I am too selfish to have even asked what happened. What is wrong with me?" By this point I was off the bed and trying to find my phone. Edward's hand covered mine. He pulled me back to the bed and told me what he had learned.**

**"Bella, I did some research when Alice told me. It was a car accident. According to the police reports, your mother was driving too fast and wrapped her car around a telephone poll. The police suspect that alcohol was probably involved, but they are waiting on the medical exam to come back."**

**I ingested this information. The mother that I had known would have never gotten behind the wheel of a car drunk. She never would have put her life or someone else's life in danger. It occurred to me that Renee was not the person she once was. I wondered how someone could change so drastically.**

**The knock on the door ended our conversation. The guy from room service brought in our tray. He took one look at me, and hurriedly left the room. I guess the wrinkled clothes, splotchy face and crazy bed hair were enough to make him run away. I said as much to Edward, and he laughed at me. **

**"You're beautiful even under the worst of conditions. Maybe he was afraid to look at you for too long because he was afraid I would kick his ass."**

**"Cute!"**

**"I think so, yes"**

**Only Edward would know to order me fries to go with my steak. I ate them both hungrily. I passed on the wine and opted for a Coke instead. Edward laughed at me and told me that in so many ways, I still acted like a teenager. I told him that it was best that way. It made me good at my job, and I was - most of the time- a fun mother. **

**"I bet you've done a great job with your kids. Alice says that they are very sweet and well behaved."**

**"They are well behaved for little monsters maybe. I think Alice might be stretching it a bit. She always does tend to see the positive and ignore the negatives."**

**"Yes, but I can see how you would be harder on yourself than necessary. I'll make my own judgment when I meet them myself."**

**That startled me a bit. "Edward, please don't take this the wrong way... I can't let you become a part of their lives."**

**Edward didn't miss a beat. "Why is that B?"**

**"The loss of their dad was extraordinarily difficult on both of them. I am not going to parade men in and our of their lives. It is something that I just can't bend on."**

**"But you have male friends that are in their lives, like Embry... and Jasper will be a big part of their lives soon too. How would I be any different?"**

**"My kids, especially Seth, are extremely observant. I am pretty sure that within an hour him being around you and I, he would figure out that it is different than my relationship with any other man."**

**"Well, at least I can say that I'm glad you see me differently than other men. Does this mean you don't want me around at all. My sister will be living in your basement, you know."**

**"I've thought of that, and I think it will be okay as long as we keep our boundaries. Of course I wouldn't tell you not to visit Alice. When the kids are there, though, that's who you visit... Alice. Not me. I realize you will be around my kids, but it's a bit different."**

**"Bella, let's have this conversation again at another time. There are so many things that you and I need to say to each other, but I don't think this is the right time or place. I am here strictly to make sure that you are okay. I want to take care of you. You look like you could use a hot shower. Now, am I going to have to put you in, or are you going to make it there all by yourself? I would certainly enjoy helping you get all cleaned up."**

_**Stupid, stupid Bella. Why does the thought of Edward touching you turn you into mush???**_** "I think I can handle it. Thanks though."**

**"That's too bad. I'm pretty sure you would have enjoyed my shower moves."**

_**Mmmmm, shower moves. The shower at my house... what fun we had. STOP IT BELLA!**_

**The hot water from the shower felt amazing. I could have stayed in there for hours just letting the pounding water ease the tension in my body. Edward knocked on the door after I had been in there for a while. He said he was just checking to make sure I was okay. I got out, wrapped the big fluffy towel around me and quickly realized that I had forgotten to bring my pajamas in with me. **_**Damn! **_**I knew how difficult it was going to be to not give in to Edward's advances when I walked out in a towel. Something told me that Edward wasn't going to make it easy on me either.**

**I took my time combing my hair and putting lotion on. I brushed my teeth then walked out into the room. Edward had put my pajama pants and a tank top on the bed for me. He didn't even look my way when I walked to the bed to get them. I dug through my bag quickly for some underwear and went back into the bathroom to get dressed. This time when I came out, he had pulled the covers down on my bed, and he was laying on his bed watching television. **

**I could feel him watching me, but he didn't say anything. I just climbed into my bed and thanked him. **

**"No problem, beautiful. You just get some rest."**

**Edward turned off the television and the lights. He went into the bathroom and I heard the shower. As I lay there trying to fall asleep, all of the thoughts that I had been pushing down for the past few days kept popping into my head. I thought about the fact that my kids were without me for an indefinite period of time. It occurred to me that I didn't even think to bring them to the memorial service for their grandmother. Does that make me a bad mother? Am I being overprotective, or was Renee just not that much a part of my life any more?**

**The thought of Renee made me realize that I had no idea what was happening. I didn't know when the funeral was, I didn't know exactly what happened, I knew virtually nothing. I had kept my kids away, and I hadn't let Phil talk to me when he tried. Maybe he was right, maybe I was being a petulant little shit. I wondered how differently I would be acting if it were Charlie that had died. That thought made my chest constrict. I couldn't even think about that right now.**

**I started to drift off as Edward came out of the shower. He smelled like soap and aftershave. I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn't get the energy to speak. I was in that semi-dream world, where nothing seems real. My mind started drifting again, only this time it was to Jacob. **

_**I had been working on some schoolwork in my bed when I finally looked at the clock. It was 11:30 at night, and I still hadn't heard from him. That wasn't particularly unusual for Jacob. He often went out with friends after work or track practice, but he did usually call me first. Seth and Leah had been in bed for a while, and I had lost track of time.**_

_**I called his cell phone first and got no answer. I left a message for him to call me. After about thirty minutes, I called again. Staying out until midnight on a school night just wasn't cool. This time my message was a little more snippy. "It would be nice to know where my husband is. Your kids would like to see their daddy."**_

_**Trying to go to sleep while angry just isn't a good idea. I lay there tossing and turning and staring at the clock. It was 1:15 when I heard a knock at the door. Figuring Jake couldn't find his keys, I took my time going to answer it. I was quite shocked when I saw two police officers at my door. Charlie was pulling up behind them on the driveway.**_

_**I knew...**_

_**Charlie explained to the officers that I was his daughter and that he had gotten a call from the Port Angeles Chief about Jake. He told the men that he would take over. The officers actually looked relieved as they got back into their car. I stood in the doorway and watched them maneuver around Charlie's car as they left. Charlie was telling me about Jake's accident, but I wasn't really listening. I was too focused on whether or not the young police officer was going to be able to get out of my driveway without messing up the grass. I knew Jake would be pissed if there were tire imprints left in his perfectly manicured lawn.**_

_**The police officer managed to get out of the driveway, and I turned to look at Charlie. I hadn't even realized that I was crying until he wiped the tears from my face. All I could think about was my poor babies. They were sleeping upstairs soundly, not knowing that their entire world was about to come crashing down on them. I had tried so hard to keep things going with Jake, so they would have a father that was around, and it didn't matter anymore.**_

_**I couldn't comprehend everything that Charlie was telling me. It was like I was in a fog. I didn't understand where Jake could have been going that would have put him at that particular intersection. From what I did understand, a semi ran a red light and hit him on the driver's side of his truck. He was killed on impact, and three other people were hurt as a result of his truck spinning into them. I didn't believe Charlie, though, because the road he was on wasn't anywhere near our house or his school. It took me several weeks to figure out where he had been.**_

_**Seth came down the stairs to find me snuggled up with my dad on the couch. Being the perceptive little five year old that he was, he instantly knew that something was wrong.**_

_**"Grandpa what are you doing here so early? Why is Mommy crying? Where's Daddy?"**_

_**I could barely speak. "Seth, there's been an accident."**_

**I could still hear those sobs in my head when I allowed myself to think about how much it hurt my little boy to lose his Daddy. Just the thought of it caused me so much pain that I started crying all over again. Edward must have heard my sniffles, because I felt his weight on the side of my bed. He was rubbing small circles in my back and telling me that everything was going to be alright. I so wanted to believe him.**

**I grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the bed with me. I rolled over so that we were facing, and I buried my head in his chest. At this point, I didn't even know why I was crying, I just knew that I needed to. He held me like that for quite some time. All the time rubbing circles on my back or rubbing up and down my arms. The room was dark, but there was enough of a glow from the street lights and the moon for us to see each other.****I looked up at him to say thank you, but I could see pain in his eyes. He had given me so much comfort without even realizing it. **

**Before I knew what I was doing, I began rubbing his cheek and I kissed him. It was a very light, very gentle kiss that seemed to go on for hours. Our lips would lightly touch and then one of us would pull away. Tongues were barely darting out to touch. There was an urgency to it, but it was almost as urgent to keep it light. I traced small kisses up and down his jaw line to his ears. His arousal became very obvious to me. I trailed my fingers down his arm and was headed in that direction when he stopped me. He entwined his fingers with mine and said, "Sleep my sweet Bella."**

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	14. Goodbye to Phoenix

A/N - Sadly, these characters all belong to SM

Thank you for the reviews. LOVE THEM!!!

**Chapter 13**

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"Bella, slow down!" I could hear Edward's voice, but I couldn't register his words. I was still so angry. After my conversation with Phil, I needed to get out some frustration. I directed Edward to Piestewa Peak, so we could hike the summit trail. The fact that it was hot and that I was clumsy barely registered to me. Luckily, once Edward realized where I was taking him, he insisted that we stop and at least get some supplies for a hike.

The hike itself was somewhat challenging. I probably would have been a little more winded had I not been so totally pissed off. Edward was hovering, which annoyed the shit out of me, because I knew that he was just afraid that I would trip and fall. Edward insisted that we stop at the first lookout. The trail was usually pretty crowded, but there were very few people on it today. I guess because it was a Tuesday morning...

I plopped myself down, wrapping my arms around my knees as I leaned back against a large boulder. Edward sat across from me. We both stared out at the incredible view of the city for a while without speaking.

Edward was the first to break the silence. "Bella," he said hesitantly, "What exactly happened with Phil? You once told me that you thought he was a creepy pedophile. I was too afraid to ask you at the time what you meant."

"Nothing ever happened." Edward looked at me disbelievingly. "It was really more just a feeling." I tried to explain it to both him and myself. "I know that Phil was more interested in me than any adult man should be interested in a thirteen year old girl." I could tell that this explanation wasn't going to be sufficient, so I continued. "I just had some uncomfortable encounters with Phil before I left Phoenix. There were a couple of times when I knew that he was trying to watch me either in the shower or getting dressed. I also woke up once with him standing next to my bed."

Edward just continued to watch me.

"The worst part of it all was listening to him tell Renee that I was coming on to him." I put my head down on my knees as I finished. "A thirteen year old girl should be able to talk to her mother about her fears...not defend her actions. I spent years wondering if maybe I did, somehow, give him the impression that I had a thing for him. I wondered if maybe I was delusional. I know now that it wasn't me, but he still tries to say it is."

"Is that what has you so pissed off right now, or is it me?"

"No, Edward. I'm not pissed at you right now. I'm not ready to go there yet. Phil just tried to do it again, and he got the reaction he wanted. I'm just ready to get the hell out of here."

"Well, why don't you tell me what happened this morning, then we can use my amazing detective skills to figure out what else has to be done so you can go home."

Edward scooted over next to me and pulled me into him. I relaxed my legs and rested my head on his shoulder as I told him about my meeting with the moron.

_I met with Phil Tuesday morning, only to find out that he did, indeed want to talk to me about my mother's life insurance policy. It seems as though I was the main beneficiary, but Phil thought that there must be a mistake. I told him to take it up with her lawyer. That just wasn't a battle that I was going to fight. Phil also asked me if I had spoken with my mother any time over the past few months. When I informed him that I had only spoken to her when she called to wish Leah a Happy Birthday, he seemed someone appeased. I thought it an odd question, and I told him so. _

_I found out some details regarding my mother's accident. She had been at a charity event with a new friend. Several people from the party had come forward to tell the police that they did not see her drink any alcoholic beverages while in their presence. Phil's insistence that he be allowed to see the insurance policy once we met with Mom's lawyer kept drifting in and out of the conversations. Finally, I asked him what exactly he was trying to find._

_"Bella, when you spoke to your mother last time, did she seem depressed?"_

_I'm pretty sure that I was looking at him strangely by this point. "No, as I have said, she called to wish Leah a Happy Birthday. We didn't have a heart to heart. Why are you asking me this?"_

_"I'm just curious."_

_I told Phil that I really didn't have the time to sit around playing games. It seemed as though he was dragging his feet concerning having a memorial service, so I needed to make some plans. "Phil, I need to get back to my children and my job. We need to sit down and go through Mom's affairs. I want to tie up any loose ends, and I would like to say a final goodbye to my mother. I don't mean to sound harsh or insensitive, but I can't begin to heal until I have dealt with all the other stuff."_

_Phil completely blew me away with his next statement. "Bella, I promised your mother that I would tell you how much she loved you and your children. It really hurt her that you moved away and were so distant. She wanted nothing more than to be a good grandmother, and you robbed her of that. I promised her that I would stay in contact with both you and your children. I know that you had a little crush on me when you were younger, and that you are embarrassed by the way you behaved, but I think it's time we put all of that in the past. Let me be a grandfather. I would hate for the people in your life to hear what a little slut you were back then."_

_**RAGE**_

_"No. Phil. I did not have a crush on you," I said through clenched teeth. "You tried to have an inappropriate relationship with a thirteen year old girl. I never stuck around long enough to find out how inappropriate you wanted it to be, but if you think that you will get anywhere near my children at this point, you are out of your fucking mind." I was so angry that I was shaking. "Get me the information on the burial for my mother so I can get the hell out of this crazy town and the hell away from you. I don't care what you tell people, but so help me God, if you come near one of my children, I will personally see to it that you won't ever desire anything again."_

_By the time I stood up, I was seething with anger. I reiterated that I needed information on Mom's funeral but any contacts he planned to have with me should be made through the attorney. I walked into the lobby to see Edward staring at me intently._

_"What did he say to you?"_

_"Edward, I cannot talk to you about this right now. Get me out of here before I head back into that restaurant and stab him with the first steak knife I get my hands on."_

_"No problem. Would you mind running up to the room to get my keys?"_

_I was already walking towards the elevators by the time I realized that Edward was heading towards Phil. I didn't stick around to see what happened._

_Having gotten my phone and the keys to the rental car, I headed back to the lobby. Edward was sitting on the couch closest to the elevator waiting on me. I wanted to ask him what he had said to Phil, but I was pretty sure he wouldn't tell me, so I let it go. I pushed him back onto the couch as he was standing up, so I could sit down next to him. _

_"Bella, don't you want to get out of here?"_

_"I really do," I said as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "But I really need to talk to my babies first. They should be up by now."_

_I called and spoke with both children. Charlie got on the phone and asked me what was going on. I filled him in on the few details that I had, and he asked if I was alone. Not knowing exactly how to answer him, I told him the truth - that Alice had told Edward what happened and he came to make sure I was alright._

_"Well Bella, I don't know how I feel about it being Edward, but I'm glad someone is there with you. I have a feeling that something just isn't right. I never trusted Phil."_

_The little girl in me wanted to tell Charlie everything. I wanted to tell him what he had just said to me as well, but I knew it wouldn't serve any purpose other than to upset him. I was lost in thought and not really paying attention when I heard a question in Charlie's voice._

_"I'm sorry, Dad. Could you repeat that?"_

_"I said that I didn't realize you and Alice were close again. I'm glad for that, I always did love that girl."_

_Smiling into the phone, I told Charlie that the past few weeks had been quite eventful. I filled him in on the short version of Alice moving into my basement. Charlie seemed genuinely pleased by this, but he asked if that meant Edward would be around more often._

_"I don't know Dad. Right now, I can't think about that."_

_"Just be careful Bells. I don't want to see you get hurt."_

_I felt so much better after talking to my dad, that I was almost able to relax. Almost. Edward asked me what I wanted to do, and I told him that I needed to see the attorney first. We looked up the address and headed to the car. It was a cute little blue convertible. I had no idea the make or model, but I'm sure that if I asked, I could find out all about it. After holding the door open for me, Edward ran around the front of the car. He hopped in and input the address into the GPS system. He showed me how to put the top down and where the dials were to adjust the volume on my side of the car._

_The visit with the attorney was pretty quick. He pulled my mother's information and life insurance policy and said that it was pretty clear - I was, in fact, the only beneficiary. The part that struck me as odd was the date. My mother had taken out the life insurance policy the week after Jake died. I couldn't quite wrap my brain around the fact that she would have taken out a life insurance policy so recently and not named Phil in it. The attorney informed me that he would have to wait until all parties named in her will, Phil and I, were both there before he could go over that with us. Great! Another morning with Phil._

_After notifying the attorney that I didn't plan to be in town more than two more days, we left the skyscraper with no real plans for the rest of the day. Surprisingly, Edward had never been to Phoenix and didn't know much about it. He asked me where we should go, and the idea came to me before I really had a chance to think it through. _

By the time Edward and I had finished talking about Phil and the morning we had, the sun was completely overhead, and it was getting HOT. We decided not to finish the hike to the top, so we headed back down the trail. This time, I walked much slower, and Edward held my hand the entire way down. It felt so much better just having someone to talk to about how much I hated Phil, that I didn't even think about the fact that I was leaning on Edward way too much.

****

The next few days passed with a whirlwind of activity. The funeral was small and quite beautiful. Saying goodbye to my mother was a surreal experience, and I was thankful to have someone there to share it with me. We met with the attorney a few more times, and got the legal business squared away. By the time I was on the plane headed back to Port Angeles, I was completely exhausted.

Edward and I had remained physically distant during the trip. With the exception of the first night, he stayed in his bed, and I stayed in mine. He would sometimes hold my hand or rub my shoulders, but he never made a move that was anything more than brotherly. It was so nice to not feel that pressure, but at the same time, it was perfectly maddening. Even his brotherly touches would cause my pulse to spike and my skin to heat. I didn't want him to know what he was capable to doing to me, but I had the strangest feeling that he knew anyway.

Somehow, when we got to the gate at the airport, our tickets had been upgraded to first class (I wonder who could have done that), so when we boarded the plane, there was actually enough room for us to stretch out and get some sleep. It took almost no time for me to go to sleep, with my head on Edward's shoulder. I guess I slept longer than I realized, because I woke to a trail of heat on my face. I looked up, confused at first, to find we were making our descent into the Port Angeles Airport. Edward was looking at me with that beautiful smirk on his face. As the plane landed, he said, "Back to our life, Beautiful."

I had no idea what he meant by that, and I didn't have the energy to ask him.

* * *

Sorry it's such a short chapter. I will try to update soon!

Reviews are great!


	15. Something to talk about

**Chapter 14**

***********

**"Bella, Are you even listening to me? Bella?"**

**"Yes Alice, I'm listening." I was watching my little monsters playing with Jane on the new swing set that Jasper had already installed. I know that it probably looked like I was completely ignoring Alice, but I was trying to come up with the best response.**

**We had returned from Phoenix on Friday evening. By the time I picked up the kids and got home, it was pretty late. I slept almost all day on Saturday while the kids played around with the Whitlock's. We decided to have a cook out today, Sunday, to celebrate our new living arrangements since it was such a nice weekend. **

**I continued staring at the children as I responded to Alice's question. "It's just not that simple. Yes, he flew to Phoenix to be with me, and I probably would have gone crazy had he not been there, but I am not the same person as I used to be. I can't see a relationship with Edward anywhere in my life."**

**"Bella, when Edward left and got married, I think you were probably the only person more shocked than I was. I didn't understand it, and I couldn't get over it. My parents would tell me that he was just doing what he thought was right, but I could not get over it. I understand more now."**

**"Alice, it's different. Edward isn't my brother. He can't just jump back into my life. He made the choices that he did, and those choices resulted in the lives that we have now. I know this will sound silly to you, but I can't just let Edward jump into the role that he ran away from."**

**I watched as Jasper and Seth ran around and chased the girls. Both of my kids were already head over heels in love with Jasper. I watched Leah climb up his leg and couldn't help but think that she should be able to do that with her own Daddy. I got up to go check on the french fries, thinking it would end the conversation, but Alice followed me inside.**

**"Bella, I don't think Edward is trying to step into Jake's place. I think he is just trying to find a place. A place with you. When Edward didn't come home to visit, I used to think he had just become a cold bastard because he was around Jessica. Now I realize that it was too painful for him to be around reminders of you. He loves you."**

**"I'm sorry if Edward is hurting. I would hate to think that seeing me or being somewhere would cause him pain, but Alice, I'm not sure that you have any idea of the pain that I dealt with when he left. I didn't run away, and I didn't shut out the people that loved me. I learned to deal with the hurt and I made a life without Edward. I would love for him to be a small part of my life, but if it is causing him pain, I will understand."**

**"That's not what I'm saying at all. If Edward thought that you were not seeing him because I told you that it might hurt him, then he would kill me. And Bella... you did shut out some of the people that loved you."**

**The look on Alice's face as she said that broke my heart. She sounded so sad and so small, that a little piece of me just broke. I reached out and hugged her and told her that I never ran. "I just had to have a little distance. I never meant for it to be such a long time. That's completely my fault for letting Jake talk me out of seeing you."**

**"Oh no! Bella what did she say to you?" Jasper's smooth voice came from the kitchen door.**

**"Nothing, we were just having a moment. It's been a long time coming." I squeezed Alice one more time before letting her go. The kids came stomping in behind Jasper. "Everybody... go wash your hands. Dinner's almost ready. Seth, I need you to take the napkins and plates out to the table."**

**Dinner was... noisy. The kids loved having the Whitlock family around, and so did I. We talked about Jasper's new job and about the house they were having built. The kids got in an argument about the hotdogs. It just felt so normal. The entire time we were eating and talking though, I could feel that something was missing. **

**I put my little ones to bed with a smile on my face. Everything felt so normal. Most people wouldn't love having another family living in their basement, but most people didn't know Alice and Jasper Whitlock. I knew that tomorrow morning was going to be hectic. I was sending Seth back to school even though he didn't technically have to go. Since it was the last week, his class would be having little activities every day to celebrate, so I didn't want him to miss that. I knew that after dropping Leah off, I would need to run by the store to get goodies for his class. By the time I dropped Seth off and got to my school, I would have run all over the city of Port Angeles. Ah the joys of being a single parent. I also knew that I would have tons of stuff to catch up on at work after missing a week. **

**I decided to spend this evening relaxing. After getting a glass of wine, I headed into my bathroom. I filled my tub with water and found some scented candles. I poured generous amounts of lavender scented bath salts in and found a book that I had been trying to read for a while. After pulling my hair into a bun on top of my head, I stepped into the warm tub. I sank into the water and opened the book. I got lost in the hopeless simplicity of a teenage love story so much that the water turned cold. I didn't realize that I was so engrossed in this book that my students had told me about, but I didn't want to put it down. I climbed out of the bathtub and dried off quickly. **

**Being at home alone in my own bed was both sad and wonderful at the same time. I put on my old comfy pajamas and climbed into the bed with my book in hand. I must have dozed off while reading. It was the first time I had dreamed of Jake in a while. In all honesty though, the dream wasn't actually about Jake...**

_**I was standing on the edge of a tall cliff decided whether or not to jump off. The water looked so cold and dark, but it would be the end. The end of sadness and loneliness. ~ Jake and I were at a football game. The crowds were loud because we were winning. The people around me were jumping up and down in the bleachers screaming. I looked at my watch. 3:00. Edward was walking down the aisle with Jessica. 3:00. The end of my former life. Jake was cheering and screaming with all the fans around me. I looked at him and knew. Jake would love me. Jake would take care of me. He was warm and fun. It would be the end. The end of sadness and loneliness.**_

**The heavy book hitting the hard floor must have been what woke me up. With the dream fresh in my mind, I allowed myself to remember that day. Edward's wedding day was a very mild day in September. I remembered being in Forks that morning still undecided as to whether or not I was going to go. Jake had told me that he would go with me if I wanted him to.**

_**Edward called me the night before his wedding, but I didn't answer. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what he would want to talk to me about or what he could say to fix the enormous whole in my heart. Jake was there, and he asked me what was wrong. He let me cry on his shoulder for the better part of the night. He and I had been "hanging out" for about six months, but we weren't really dating. I just didn't have the heart to be with anyone else yet. **_

_**I had woken up the Saturday of Edward's wedding sad and puffy eyed. When Jake asked if I wanted to go to the wedding, I told him no. I just needed to get my mind on something else. He suggested that we head back to campus and go to the football game, so we did. We left the football game and headed to a local bar. After several drinks, I decided it was time to move on with my life. I knew that Jake had serious feelings for me, so I let him act on them. We made it back to my dorm room. Rose was at home for the weekend so we were alone. Sex with Jake was hungry and urgent. I think he always knew that he wouldn't have been my first choice. I think that later in our relationship it made him a little bitter - at least that's the only reason I can think of for the way he began to treat me.**_

**Before I even thought about it, I went to the kitchen to get my cell phone. I hit the send button and then looked at the clock. It was 3:00 in the morning. I hung up quickly hoping that the ring hadn't woken him up. Not so lucky. Within about 15 seconds my phone rang. Edward sounded sleepy as he said, "Bella, what's wrong?"**

**With my voice betraying me, I said, "Nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was so late."**

**Edward patiently responded, "Bella, you can call anytime. But do you mind telling me what you wanted?"**

**"I wanted to know why you called me the night before your wedding," I said before I even thought about what I was saying.**

**"What?" Edward sounded confused.**

**"The night before your wedding," I repeated, "You called me, and I didn't answer. Why were you calling me?"**

**"Bella, are you alright? What made you think about this at 3 in the morning?"**

**"Just answer me, Edward. Why did you call me?"**

**I thought Edward had fallen asleep. He didn't answer for quite some time, so I was a bit surprised when he finally did. "Because, Bella... I knew that if I talked to you, I wouldn't go through with it. I didn't want to get married."**

**"Then you shouldn't have." I was proud of the fact that I was able to talk calmly. **

**Edward's voice was almost a whisper. " I know."**

********

**The last week of school was always crazy. Seth had so much going on that I could barely keep up with what I was supposed to send in and when. For work, I had to tie up all the loose ends and make sure that all of the paperwork from the year was completed and correct. I spent quite a bit of time working in the evenings, so it was a Godsend having Alice and family around. They entertained the kids without even realizing how much they were doing to help me. On Friday evening, several of the teachers from my school had invited me to a party, but I declined. I was tired and ready to relax. Not to mention I would be hosting the end of the year party for the entire faculty on Wednesday night, when post planning was over.**

**I stopped by the grocery store on my way home to pick up a few things for dinner. I had picked up the ingredients to make dinner and dessert for my roomies when I heard a familiar voice.**

**"Bella! Bella!" I looked around to see who was calling my name and saw this familiar looking blonde guy.**

**I must have been looking at him strangely, because he introduced himself, "I'm Mike. Mike Newton from high school."**

_**Ding**_** "Oh, Hi! How are you? I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, I just don't expect to run into too many people from Forks here."**

**Now that I knew who it was, I couldn't get over the fact that Mike still had that baby face and spiky blonde hair. He didn't seem at all upset that I couldn't remember him. "There seem to be more people moving out here from Forks. I know that Jasper and Alice are building a house out here, and I heard that Edward Cullen is back in town." With this, he looked at me as if to gauge my reaction. When I gave none, he continued, "My family is opening a new store in town." He swept his arm around in a grand motion, "And I am in charge of it. Looks like I'm here for good. Maybe we can get together some time."**

**I have never been good at telling someone that I just don't like them, so I said that I would like that. Mike handed me his business card and I stuck it in my wallet with no intentions of calling him. I finished my grocery shopping and went to pick up Leah. Seth had ridden the bus home, which he could now do because Alice was around. I didn't mind him being home alone when he wasn't really alone...**

**I actually got home early enough to cook a full meal. The plan was to make something that I could easily take down to Alice that they could enjoy as a family without my kids running around bothering them. I had decided on lasagna because I wanted to surprise them and it would be easily frozen if they already had plans for the evening. I put the lasagna together and then wrote instructions on it so she would know how to best heat it up. I grabbed the brownies and the bottle of wine and headed downstairs.**

**It was an unspoken rule that if it wasn't raining outside, we would go outside and use the outside doors to get to each other's separate part of the house. Of course, it was raining outside so I took the stairs from the laundry room. There was a door at the bottom of the steps, so I knocked on it with my foot. I was not expecting to see those green eyes when the door was opened. Fumbling for words, I said lamely, "I brought dinner."**

**Alice, seated on the couch, looked between us as if she was deciding whether or not to say anything. Edward grabbed the bottle of wine out from under my arm and helped me carry the food to the kitchen. His voice startled me, "I was wondering if I was going to see you tonight."**

**"I wasn't expecting to see you here. I'm sorry." **

**"Bella, what are you apologizing for?" **

**"I'm not sure." I said honestly.**

**Edward chuckled and said something about it having been a week since we saw each other. Just then, I heard several voices all at once. Before I knew what was happening, Seth and Leah were bursting into the kitchen chasing Jane. I knew it was irrational, but I wanted to protect them from Edward. I wanted to protect Edward from them as well. I must have looked panicked because Edward just put his hand on my shoulder and told me it was okay. "I promise you, I will behave in front of your children."**

**As they ran into the living room, Edward looked at me and said, "But I promise you, when they are not around, I don't intend to behave at all." He pulled me to him and kissed me. **


	16. What was I thinking

A/N - super short chapter but I wanted to give Edward his say. Since it's Valentine's Day and all...

Sadly, all these characters belong to SM - I'm just borrowing them.

Chapter 15

*****

EPOV

*****

I hadn't meant to kiss her. At least not with her kids running around any my nosy sister being in the next room. It was just that the last few weeks had been so incredibly emotional for me, and I got caught up in the moment. Alice had called me at work this afternoon to find out if I had dinner plans. Apparently Jasper was going to be working late, and she thought I could use some company. She suggested that we go out and take Jane, but I was hoping to at least catch a glimpse of my girl, so I asked if we could stay in. Alice was skeptical, but I promised that I wouldn't bother Bella, so she agreed. I must say, I think it was the first time that I ever remember Alice trying NOT to get involved in something. I loved her just a little bit more because of that. Alice had this hyper-awareness about people, and I think she knew that Bella and I were going to have to muddle through all of this ourselves.

When I pulled into the driveway, I was glad to see Bella's car in the garage. It was raining, so I was tempted to run to the side door and get to the basement through her house, but I remembered the promised I had made to Alice. I ran down the side steps and was thankful that Alice's door was unlocked. I walked in and was immediately aware that there were children around, lot's of them (or so it seemed). I saw little Jane run by being chased by a tall boy with dark hair and dark skin. I recognized him as Seth. Behind him came a little girl that I was nowhere near prepared to see. It was like looking at a tiny little Bella. Leah had the exact same big chocolate eyes as her mother. She was looking at me like she could see my every thought. It was quite apparent that she shared her mother's astuteness. She stopped and looked at me in the same way that I'm sure I was looking at her. Like Bella, Leah had dark brown hair that fell in curls down her back. It had been pulled out of her face with pink bows on each side. Unlike her brother, Leah had very fair skin. I was so taken aback by the sight of her, that I wasn't even aware Alice was looking at me from her couch until I heard the knock on the door.

Without thinking about who would be knocking on Alice's door from the inside of the house, I just walked over to answer it. Standing on the other side was the bigger version of the little girl I was just staring at. She was standing there with a huge dish of something in her hands. On top of that dish was a plate of brownies, and there was a bottle of wine tucked under her arm. It was obvious that she wasn't expecting to see me at the door. She blushed as she said she brought dinner (yes, it was pretty obvious, but I thought it was cute). I was afraid she was going to drop everything she was holding, so I took the wine bottle out from under her arm. I followed her into the kitchen to put the food down. I was pretty sure that if she had known I was there, she wouldn't have come, so I told her that I was wondering if I would get to see her tonight. What I didn't tell her was that I fully intended to see her tonight whether she wanted to see me or not. It was extremely uncommon for my sister to have nothing to say, so I had to give her some credit for staying seated in the living room as we were walking into the kitchen.

Bella was talking, but I was still so startled from seeing that little girl and the emotion that I felt for her in the thirty seconds or so that I was looking at her, that I didn't even hear her until she apologized. When I asked her what she was apologizing for, she told me that she didn't know, which I thought was so typical of Bella. I laughed at her and then tried to hide my amusement by saying that I hadn't seen her in a week. I was hoping that she had taken the time to sort out her feelings and that she was ready to declare her love for me. No such luck. The kids came running in, and I could tell by the look on Bella's face that she was not happy for us to be in the same room. She looked like she wanted to pick them up and run away with them. I felt the need to assure her that I wouldn't hurt her children the way I had hurt her, but I knew it would do no good. I put my hand on her shoulder and assured her that I wouldn't act inappropriately in front of her children. The look of sheer relief on her face when they left the room upset me. I couldn't stand the look of conflict on her face, so the only option I had was to kiss her. Then I wouldn't have to look.

I expected for it to be a quick kiss. Knowing Bella and her need to keep anything and everything away from her children, I was certain that she would pull away immediately and be upset with me. I wasn't prepared for her to kiss me back. Before I knew what was happening, her hands were in my hair and the earth could have been coming down around me without my knowledge. Bella's mouth melted against mine. Her lips opened as I licked the corners of her mouth. She took my bottom lip in between her teeth, and I felt my body temperature rise. I picked Bella up and sat her on the counter so she would be better able to reach me. My hands were roaming under the hem of her shirt. I probably would have made love to her right there on that kitchen counter had my nosy little sister not interrupted us.

"Um, guys... You may want to take this upstairs so little eyes don't witness the debauchery," Alice chuckled.

Bella blushed furiously as she looked back and forth between Alice and I. She jumped down from the counter as if it were on fire and said that she had to go. "I just meant to bring you dinner to thank you for all your help this week. I have to get back upstairs and make sure ours isn't burning. Um, I'll talk to you later." She said to no one in particular. It was pretty obvious that she was trying not to look at either Alice or I.

The kids ran by again, and Bella grabbed Leah and lifted her onto her hip. "We have to go upstairs little one. It's dinner time and you have to take a bath and get ready for bed."

"I don't think so. I just won't eat. I wanna stay and play with Jane," I was shocked again by how much Leah sounded like Bella.

Bella touched Leah's nose and told her that she didn't have a choice. The child struggled a bit, but it was obviously good naturedly. She started to walk out of the kitchen when I put my hand on her shoulder again. Her eyes looked devoid of emotion when she looked at me.

"I'd like to talk to you a bit more if it's okay." I said quietly so the kids couldn't hear me over their little conversation.

"I don't know, Edward. I have to go feed my kids and get them ready for bed." She was also speaking quietly. God bless Alice for keeping the kids involved in a conversation so Bella and I could talk.

I know I sounded a bit pathetic, but I asked anyway. "Can I come by when they are in bed?"

Bella looked torn. I could tell she wanted to get out of there though. "Come up the stairs through the laundry room around 9. Both kids will be in bed and asleep by then. Come to my room so they don't hear us." She got a little smirk on her face then. "It feels kinda like we're teenagers again, and you're sneaking me out of Charlie's house."

I couldn't help but smile at the memories. "I can promise you that my intentions this time are much more noble. Well... for the most part at least."

Bella took the squirming child with her and called for Seth to come upstairs. She asked him to help Jane clean up her toys first and gave him a five minute time limit.

The rest of the evening seemed to pass very slowly.

*****

A/N - The next chapter will be longer... Promise! There won't be much angst for at least a few more chapters though :)

Please Review - good or bad, I have a goal of 50.


	17. Finally

Chapter 16

_Stupid, Stupid Bella! What the hell were you thinking. No, Edward, I can't let you be around my kids, but it's perfectly okay for you to molest me in front of them! My God, I am such an IDIOT. _

"Mommy, are you okay?" Seth asked sweetly from the bathtub. He was always very perceptive of my moods.

I smiled at him and told him that I was fine. Leah was happily playing with her Winnie the Pooh bathtub toys and didn't notice the look on my face or the fact that I was talking to myself. I couldn't figure out why I was mad. Was it because I let him kiss me like that with the chance that my children would walk in, or was it because Alice saw us. Was I mad that even after all that, I wanted him to come over after the children were in bed? I decided to just be pissed off in general. By this point, I was entitled to be mad at Edward, so I decided to go with that anger rather than be mad at myself for not being able to resist him.

Grrrr. Stupid Edward. And now I found myself rushing my kids through their nighttime routine so I could be sure they were good and asleep before Edward got there. Leah was sitting on her towel playing happily while I finished helping Seth wash his hair. I scooped her up and took her into her room where I proceeded to dump her on her bed and throw her pajamas at her. It was a game we played every night. She would then throw the pajamas in the air and giggle while she looked for them. While she was searching for her pj's and getting dressed, I grabbed Seth's pajamas out of his dresser and put them on his bed. I walked through the bathroom from one room to the other making sure the children were bathed and clothed and I finally got them both into their beds. I gave Seth a book to read while I read a story to Leah. It was our routine.

Once both kids were in bed, I would usually do a load of laundry while watching the news and catching up on schoolwork. Since the school year was officially over for kids, I could actually do laundry without trying to do fifty million other things. Tonight, I decided to skip the laundry. I took my emergency pack of cigarettes out onto the porch and lit up. Since she wasn't here, I decided to do the next best thing. I called Rose and told her what I was about to do.

"You may as well give it up Bella, you know what you want. Just sleep with him and be done with it." The ever reserved Rosalie told me.

"Unfortunately, it's not just a matter of sleeping with him anymore, Rose. Edward has a way of messing with my mind that I don't know how to handle. I can't seem to just let things be with him. It's like this incredible roller coaster that I know I need to get off of, but I just can't."

"Bella, it sounds to me like you are still in love with Edward. I'm not sure that all the avoidance in the world is going to change that."

"I wish it were that simple, Rose. I think I need to send him home tonight so I can think without him messing things up."

"Bella," Rose said in her best psychologist voice, "isn't that what you've been doing all week? How far has that gotten you?"

I smiled into the phone, "I hate it when you go all shrink on me."

Rose was chuckling as she answered, "I love you girlie. Crazy or not. Now, just go enjoy great sex, but tell him I will still cut his balls off if he fucks with you."

I sensed his presence before I saw or heard him. I looked up from my seat on the porch to be startled by his beautiful face. He was looking at me strangely, though, as I told Rose that I needed to go.

"Since when did you start smoking?" Edward said as I hung up the phone.

"I don't really smoke, it's just a weird thing that I do when I'm talking to Rose about my personal life. How much did you hear?"

"Not much," he said quietly, "but I assume you were talking about me, so I tried. You just noticed me before I heard anything."

I chuckled nervously and took a last drag off the cigarette in my hand. Edward looked at me strangely again and said, "I hope I haven't caused you to start smoking."

"No. I don't normally smoke, it's just a random nervous or upset thing that I do."

"Have I caused you to be nervous or upset?"

I wasn't sure how much to tell him. I wasn't a big fan of showing my cards too early. "Not really nervous or upset... more like frustrated."

"Sexually frustrated?" He said with a grin.

"Something like that. What did you want to talk to me about, Edward? Wait a minute... Let me go brush my teeth. My mouth tastes like ass now." And with that, I got up and walked inside with as much dignity as I could muster. I didn't expect him to follow me, but I wasn't terribly surprised.

I brushed my teeth and took a few extra minutes to primp a little. _Hey, a girl can want to look beautiful even if she ISN'T in love with the guy in her bedroom._ _Ah hell, who am I kidding..._

It never failed to amaze me how startling Edward was. I walked out of the bathroom to find him laying on my bed, hands behind his head and legs crossed at the feet. He was grinning at me with that half-assed smile that made my girlie bits tingle. _I am so going to sleep with him tonight... there's just no way around it_. _But I totally don't have to let him know that I'll be easy. _I sat on the opposite side of the bed from him. I crossed my legs indian style and looked at him with the most stern look I could muster up.

"Edward, you can't kiss me again like that when my children could easily bust in. Please understand that I won't budge on that." I used my serious teacher voice, so I didn't understand when he smiled even wider.

He had that evil grin on his face that made me wonder if I hadn't said what I meant to. "Bella, you just gave me permission to kiss you as long as your kids aren't around." He sat up and leaned in. Licking the corners of my lips, he said, "Your kids aren't around right now. I plan to do a lot of kissing."

More tingling in my girlie bits. I pushed him away as I said, "We need to get some stuff straight first. I am still pissed at you for the way you left. You gave me no reason, and the reasons that you had were fucking ridiculous."

Edward tried to interrupt me, but I held my hand up to his mouth. "I'm not finished. ... I did want children, but I wanted to be with you. We could have worked something out, but you didn't think I could handle that." I paused for a minute to see if he was going to say anything. He just looked at me.

I continued, "I can't hate you for the way things turned out, though, because I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world. My adult life hasn't been easy, but I'm a much stronger and better person for my experiences. With that being said, I think I can get over the past. I can't, however, let you become involved with Seth and Leah. That's just something I won't budge on."

Edward spoke then, "Bella, I don't agree with your fear of my becoming involved with your kids, but I will respect your wishes. I know that I fucked up. I wanted nothing but to make you happy, and I went about it badly. I can promise you, though, that I don't intend of leaving again. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you since I was fourteen years old. Every decision that I've made was made with you in mind. I wish for everyone's sake that I had made different decisions, but I can't go back, and I wouldn't want to take your happiness away from you even if I could."

I wanted to believe him so badly that it almost hurt. I leaned in and kissed him gently before saying, "Edward... if you thought it would somehow make me happier, or if you thought it was in my best interest, are you telling me that you wouldn't leave again. Honestly, if for some crazy reason, you decided that you were bad for me, you wouldn't leave?"

He rubbed the backs of my hands before sliding his fingers gently into mine. "Bella, I would never make any decision that concerned you without discussing them with you first. If you truly wanted me to leave tonight and never come back... if that would really make you happier, then I would do it."

He looked at me with those stunning green eyes, and I could see the fear in his eyes. Fear that I would tell him to leave and never come back. I knew that I would never be able to say those words to Edward no matter what he had done or what his reasons were for breaking my heart. I squeezed his fingers and crawled toward him on the bed. He lifted my hands and kissed each of my fingers gently. He then moved his way up my arms slowly stopping at my shoulders. He hid his face as he whispered, "I have never stopped loving you Bella." When he looked up at me this time, there were tears in his beautiful green eyes.

I couldn't stand to see Edward look so vulnerable. I closed my eyes and leaned in to kiss him. I kissed him with all the emotion that I was feeling. I felt the heat in my face as I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth. Edward responded hungrily. He separated my lips with his tongue, darting it in and out of my mouth. It felt so natural having him kiss me like this. He groaned into my mouth as I dug my hands into his wild hair. I raised up onto my knees so that I could move more easily. I crawled toward him as I pulled my mouth away from the kiss. I could still see the vulnerability in Edward's eyes, so I kissed first his left eye, then his right. I pulled away slightly and told him that I was not going to send him away. I kissed his ear as I whispered that I couldn't send him away even if I wanted to. As I kissed his mouth again, I felt him smile. It was a genuine Edward smile. My heart melted just a little bit more.

Edward had adjusted himself so that he was sitting while we were talking. Having the upper hand, since I was on my knees, I was able to easily push him back down onto the bed. I lay down on top of him, placing my knees on either side of his hips. It suddenly occurred to me that my children were in bed on the other side of the house, so I climbed off to go close and lock the door. Misinterpreting what I was doing, Edward grabbed my hand and asked me not to leave. Once I told him that I was just locking the door, that shit-eating grin formed once again on that lovely face of his. As I climbed back on the bed, Edward grabbed my hips and flipped me onto my back. He told me that he wanted to show me what I meant to him. He was gently pushing the stray hairs that had gotten out of my messy bun off of my face trailing kisses where the hair once was.

As much as I loved the light kisses, my body was aching for more. I arched my back and tried to twist my hips into him. He almost giggled as he said to be patient. His kisses moved from my forehead and cheeks to my nose. It was agonizing waiting for him to get back to my mouth, but when he finally did, I met him hungrily. Darting my tongue into his mouth, I again twisted my body so that I was able to dig my hips into him. I could feel his obvious desire, which turned me on even more. I tried to sit up so that I could pull my tank top off, but Edward pushed me back down and told me to be patient again.

I looked at him and told him that I didn't want to be patient. With mischief in his eyes, he said, "I promised you that I would show you what you mean to me. I can assure you that it will be worth your wait. Be patient silly girl. We can do it your way next time."

Just the mere mention of next time made the tingles even stronger. I lay back down on the bed and put my hands down by my sides. I was trying really hard to follow his rules, because I was certain that he would follow through with his promise. I grabbed the blankets under me and let him smother my face and neck with kisses. Every time he made his way back to my mouth, I kissed him back with everything I had in me. I loved the feeling of him groaning into my mouth. I knew that he was feeling the tingling too because he was grabbing the blankets next to my head. Deciding to take advantage of how turned on I knew he was becoming, I licked his ear and trailed down his jawline ending at his mouth. His groan this time came out as almost a growl. I wrapped the one leg that I could get free around his waist, pulling him into me. Having decided that if he was planning on torturing me slowly, I was going to make things as difficult as possible, I arched into him again. This had the desired effect as his hands made their way to my breast. He was teasing first one, then another through the thin fabric of my tank.

Groaning into his mouth, I pulled him even tighter with the leg I had wrapped around his waist. I had wiggled my hands between us so that I was able to start pulling on the bottom of his shirt. His smooth chest was heaving as I rubbed up and down his ribs. I loved the feeling of his quivering muscles underneath my hands. I kept rubbing his ribs, chest and back until he had moved enough for me to unbutton his jeans.

Edward shifted a bit so that he was able to lift me enough to take off my shirt. He pinned my hands next to my head as he kissed and licked all of the skin my shirt had been covering. I could feel heat radiating up and down my spine as I groaned again. I loved the feel of Edward's lips against my skin as he smiled. Squeezing my hands tightly, as if to say don't move them, he shifted off of me and pulled my pants and panties down kissing his way down my legs as he went. He took his time kissing his way back up to where I so desperately wanted him. His hands were rubbing the outside of my thighs as he gently pulled my legs apart and started kissing the inside of my thighs.

Having been driven to the point that I could no longer control myself, I reached down to grab Edward as I arched my back yet again. He looked up at me with pure desire in his eyes. Pushing myself towards him, I felt Edward's hands tighten on my hips just as I felt his tongue darting out exactly where I was dying to feel it. I could feel the orgasm building immediately. As he continued to tickle me with his tongue, he slid his fingers up and into me. Within seconds, my entire body was reacting to his touch. It took every ounce of restraint that I had to not scream. Instead, I grabbed a pillow and covered my face as I thrust my hips into his hands feeling the powerful release. As I slowly started to regain my senses, Edward removed his fingers and took the pillow off my face. He was looking at me with that smug "I told you so" look that he always had after getting me off.

"Bella, I know you aren't ready to love me fully yet, but I needed to show you that I truly do love you."

I wasn't finished with his body yet, but it seemed to be an appropriate time. "Edward, I have never stopped loving you fully. I'm just not ready to trust you yet. Keep doing what you're doing, and we'll see what happens."

I screamed once or twice that night. Thankfully, Edward kept the pillow close enough that I was able to muffle it. The kids never woke.


	18. The party

Chapter 17

The next few days flew by in a haze of post planning craziness. I was getting ready for the big end of the year party at my house, which meant I had to clean everything, find a place for the kids to stay, buy food and make sure the bar was well stocked. All of this had to be done on top of the three days of meeting that I had to attend and all of the paperwork I had to get finished with and turned in. The end of the year was always crazy like that, but it also meant that I would soon be free - well somewhat free. I was extremely grateful to Alice for her generous offer to keep the little ones while I worked this week. It was almost impossible to get things completed when Seth and Leah were with me, and driving them to Forks each morning - or even worse - LaPush didn't, seem like a very viable option either.

Besides, it probably wouldn't have been very safe to drive that far each day with the little amount of sleep I was getting each night. Edward and I had settled into a strange little routine. Since Saturday, he had come over every night - always with the intent that he was just going to pop in for a little while to visit after Seth and Leah were in bed. Every night he ended up staying with me in my bed until I kicked him out at around 4:30 each morning. It sucked that I had to kick him out, but it was working for us. Some nights he would already be visiting Alice and Jasper, so we actually got to spend the evening together, but those visits were always extremely guarded since the kids were around. The entire situation was actually quite thrilling. It felt almost like we were teenagers all over again. Except this time, we weren't trying to hide our relations from our parents. I do think Charlie had some idea though... he was just too polite to ask.

The party was to take place Saturday night, so Friday afternoon was frenzied at the Black house. Of course, kids have that weird sixth sense that tells them when mommy is super busy, so they need mommy for everything and want to pull out every toy that they haven't played with in years. I was fed up with the whining, so I put Leah down for a much needed nap and sent Seth outside to play. It was an unusually sunny day, which strengthened my resolve to make him go outside and enjoy the weather. After going over all the rules about how Seth had to stay in the back yard and he wasn't allowed to go leave the fenced in area, I sat down on my bed for a few minutes to enjoy the quiet. I woke up about thirty minutes later to hear the phone ringing and feel it vibrating in my pocket. Smiling when I saw who it was, I tried to answer in my sexiest voice. I ended up sounding more like a frog...

"Were you asleep?" Edward's voice sounded concerned.

"Not on purpose. I sat down for a minute to enjoy the lack of whining in my house, and I must have dose off for a bit." Telling Edward reminded me that I needed to go check on Seth.

I could almost hear the smirk on Edward's face as he said, "I'm sorry, I know that you must be exhausted because I haven't let you get much sleep at all lately."

I walked out on the porch and saw Jasper pushing Seth on the swing. I wondered briefly why Jasper wasn't at work on a Friday afternoon, but once I heard Seth's giggle, I came back inside to finish my shopping list.

"You won't hear me complaining about our evening activities," I said with a grin. "Although, I'm thinking you may not want to come tonight. It seems as though I will be out of commission for a few days." I was completely pissed about the fact that I started the day before I was going to drop my kids off with their grandfathers for three days (Charlie and Billy were taking the kids camping and fishing - all that outdoorsy stuff that I never did with them).

Edward sounded almost irked as he said that I was being ridiculous. "I don't just come by for sex, Bella - although we usually end up in bed. I come over because I want to be with you. Please don't put me in that booty call category."

"Edward, I wasn't trying to make light of anything. I'm sorry if I came across that way... It just sucks that we have three days with no children around and I can't have sex."

"Let me say for the record that I would spend much more time with you - no sex- if you would let me," Edward said in his serious voice. Then his voice became much more mischievous when he said, "But I promise you that I can make our time without your kids quite fulfilling. Even with your little problem."

I was so tempted to keep the conversation going, because I knew that Edward could probably get me off simply by telling me the things he was thinking about doing to me, but I decided it would be best for me to wait and find out. I had so much to do still, so we hammered out our plans for this evening, and I got off the phone.

I was a bit concerned about what I was going to do with a bunch of drunk teachers tomorrow night. In the past, all of the people that drank too much would just crash in my basement, but that wasn't an option any more. When I tried to explain to the people that usually got so intoxicated they couldn't make it home that they were going to have to find a way home, I just got a bunch of stupid comments. One of the guys offered to sleep in my bed with me, and another lady asked me if I had taken in boarders because I was broke. The worst was the teacher that asked me if Erik (that was my boss) was staying with me. I had been rumored to be having an affair with my boss for the past five years or so (something that I was pretty sure was started by Lauren). He and I became instant friends when we started working together, but it wasn't at all like that. Sadly, when I agreed to have the end of the year party each year, I was agreeing to invite everyone from work...even the idiots. Unfortunately, those seemed to be the people that ended up too drunk to get home on their own. I refused to let anyone sleep in my kids' rooms, so I was trying to think through what I would do about that when the doorbell rang.

Not expecting anyone, I looked through the peephole to see a huge bouquet of my favorite flowers, lilies. I couldn't see much about the person holding them other than the long chestnut hair. Figuring that Edward had sent me flowers or that someone from work had ordered them for the party, I flung the door open. My heart almost stopped when I looked into the face of the woman that I once thought of as a mother.

Esme hadn't changed much at all in the years it had been since I had seen her. She looked at me with curiosity, but she still had that look of love in her eyes that I used to be so enraptured with. I must have been looking at her blankly, because she simply smiled and nodded her head towards the flowers asking me if she could come in.

"Of course," I said blankly as I led her into the kitchen, "please excuse my rudeness, I just wasn't..."

"Of course you weren't expecting me, dear. I thought about asking Edward to let you know that we were visiting, but I was afraid you wouldn't let me see you." Esme still sounded exactly like I remembered her sounding. This incredible sense of nostalgia hit me full-force.

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?" I asked - truly confused with what she had said.

Esme was always so intuitive. "I just don't want you to think that I am trying to force myself, or Edward, back into your life. Well, honestly, I guess I am forcing myself... just not Edward. That's for the two of you to work through. I spoke with Sue the other day at the grocery store, and she told me about your mother. Knowing you, I figured it was probably something that you were working through silently. Edward has said very little on the matter, and I wanted to see you personally. Bella, I know that you didn't have a strong relationship with your mother, but it can't be easy for any child to lose a parent."

That reminded me of my children, which reminded me that I needed to check on Seth. I asked Esme to join me on the porch, where I could watch my son, and she surprised me by telling me that he was fine. Carlisle was playing with him in the back yard. I walked out onto the porch again to realize that it hadn't been Jasper pushing Seth, but Carlisle. They were still giggling as they played hide and seek in the fort. Jane had joined them.

"Bella," Esme asked, "Do I make you nervous? That wasn't my intention at all. We were visiting Alice, and I wanted to see you. We have missed you so much."

I sat down feeling defeated. I knew that there was no possible way to resist this tiny little woman. Even if I were able to resist her, I'm not sure that I would want to. We sat on the back porch and watched Seth play with Carlisle and Jane for a while. It always struck me as strange that the one person in the world that I always thought of as the quintessential mother had such a difficult time with conceiving and carrying children. Alice had been Esme's only natural born child, but she had always loved and treated each of her children equally. The fact that Alice wasn't Carlisle's biological child never seemed to cause him a second thought either.

Thinking about all of Esme and Carlisle's difficulties just made me think about all of the stuff that Edward and I had yet to deal with. I was thankful for the distraction when Leah came ambling out onto the porch and climbed up into my lap.

My daughter was usually quite shy and reserved when it came to people she didn't know, but it took less that five minutes before Leah was out of my lap and sitting in Esme's. They were discussing Leah's obsession with Barbie's and all of the new ones that her mean mommy hadn't bought for her yet. It was incredible to watch my daughter bond with someone so rapidly and it was obviously a very strong bond. I explained to her that Ms. Cullen was Jane's grandmother and that she was around a lot when I was younger.

"Is that because you spent so much time with Edward and Alice?" My oh-so perceptive child asked me.

I explained that I had spent a lot of time with them and that, yes, Esme had been around a good deal of that time as well. We went downstairs to visit with the Whitlocks and just hang out. It was so nice to feel like a part of a normal family for a while that I didn't even mind Edward's parents treating my kids as if they were family. In fact, it never even occurred to me that my kids were lapping the attention up until Alice said something about Grandma Esme. I wanted to correct her, but I didn't have the heart. Instead, I vowed to enjoy the fact that my kids looked completely content and happy playing with Edward's parents. I would think about what that all meant later.

It wasn't long before Charlie arrived with all of his outdoor clothes on to pick up Seth and Leah. He and Billy were taking them camping right outside of Sue's house in LaPush. The plan was for them to get up super early and go fishing the next morning, but just in case one of them wasn't too thrilled with the idea of sleeping outside, the tent was going to be put up in Sue's back yard. That way, if one of them got scared and wanted to go in, Sue would be there. My kids loved her as much as they loved Charlie and Billy, so it should be a fun three days for them.

Charlie chatted with the Cullens as I finished packing the kids' things for them. As we finished packing Charlie's car, I couldn't help but think about how lucky my kids and I were to have such an incredible support network. Their father may be missing, but they have a great support network, and I will never let them forget that. I kissed my babies as they got into the car and waved at them for as long as they could see me as Charlie was pulling out of the driveway. I stood there for a while thinking about how much my life had changed over the past few years, but the changes helped make me into the person that I had become... Then I realized that I must be hormonal because I felt like crying for no reason.

****

Edward helped me get everything ready for the party. He had come over the previous night shortly after Charlie left with the kids. Esme had a twinkle in her eye as she informed us that she and Carlisle were taking Alice, Jasper and Jane home with them for the weekend. I assured them all that it wasn't necessary, but Alice told me that she really wanted to spend some time with her parents. Emmett was going to be home this weekend too, so they wanted to get together. I tried to convince Edward to spend some time with his family, but he wouldn't budge.

Embry was the first guest to arrive. He looked Edward up and down as he shook his hand. "Tanya was afraid to leave the baby this soon, so she couldn't make it."

I totally understood and thought it was a little funny that Embry didn't seem too thrilled with the fact that his wife wouldn't leave their four day old baby to come to a party. I handed him a beer and put him to work on the grill, where he always seemed to be the most at ease.

Edward snuck up behind me, putting his hands under my shirt and flat on my stomach. I could feel the shocking heat where his hands were. He asked me why I didn't ask him to grill since he had been there a while. I couldn't explain to him that if he were the guy grilling, it would make us look too intimate, so I told him that it was what Embry always did at the parties... hey, it was the truth. That seemed to appease him a bit as he began nibbling on my ear. I could feel the heat coursing through my body, and I wanted to turn around and kiss him with all that I had, but Embry walked in. Edward kept his hands on my stomach and his mouth at my ear, effectively keeping me from making an escape.

Embry looked Edward in the eye and said, "It's good to see her happy. I want you to know though, that if you fuck with my girl, I will kick your ass."

I felt the tension rise in the room as Edward asked, "Oh, and how is Bella your girl?"

Embry began giggling as he tried to explain that he didn't mean it that way, and all the tension in the room disappeared. The men started sharing Bella stories, which I didn't love, and soon I became the third wheel. It was alright though, because the doorbell started ringing. People started piling into the house, and the booze was flowing.

From what I could tell, everyone was having a great time. Several people ended up in the hot tub, and I made sure that all of the cameras were put away before too much alcohol had been distributed. I knew that there would be pictures taken that people didn't want their spouses to see, so I had a no picture rule. Edward seemed quite amused by all the drunk teachers at the party, and I could tell his views on education would be forever changed.

The party was winding down, and I was feeling dead on my feet. I wanted nothing more than to get everyone out of my house so I could clean up and crash. The few people that I could always count on to get rip-roaring drunk and then make an ass of themselves didn't disappoint. I had told them repeatedly that there was nowhere for them to stay this year, but I guess they didn't believe me. I think that two of the people were having an affair, and they were using my party as a hook up venue. I was so tired, and I didn't want to argue with them anymore. Just as I was about to hand them their keys and tell them to drive their drunk asses home, Edward stepped in. He told everyone that he would drive them home and then the told the two lovebirds that he would be happy to discreetly take them to a hotel. I was so thankful to him, that I almost jumped him right there in front of everyone.

I had the bigger car, so Edward rounded up the drunkards and crammed them all in. I managed to squeeze in long enough to inform them that if anyone threw up in my car, I would hurt them. Edward chuckled as he kissed me and took off down the driveway. Feeling relieved that he was taking them home (or somewhere away from where I was), I cleaned up the party mess quickly and changed into my pajama pants and tank top. I was pulling my hair up into it's usual night-time messy bun as I heard my car pulling in.

I met him at the door with a huge grin and an even bigger kiss. I was a little tipsy myself, but I was so thankful for the way he treated my crazy drunk friends and me that I just couldn't help myself. I kissed him hungrily, pushing my body up against his as I ran my hands through his hair.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" He asked as he was kissing up and down my neck.

"I just want you to know how much I appreciate all your help tonight," I said with my mouth pressed up against his.

He picked me up and carried me over to the kitchen counter, placing me down gently. Spreading my legs with his body, he continued kissing up and down my neck. "Beautiful, surely you have realized by now, that I will do whatever you need for me to do." Kissing my mouth and pulling away, "especially if it means getting rid of people so that I can have you all to myself."

His hands were on my hips sliding slowly underneath my shirt. I felt myself arching my back so that my chest was closer to his mouth. Taking the hint, he pulled my shirt over my head and dug his face into my chest. He began rubbing my right breast as he alternated licking and sucking on my nipple. I groaned as my hands tightened in his hair. He continued working his magic on my breasts as his hands slid back down to my hips. He pulled me all the way to the edge of the counter and began rubbing me, through my pants with his hipbones. It was the most incredible sensation, and it didn't take long before I was pushing into his body with everything I had. I could feel the orgasm building even as I was wondering how it was even possible. Edward pulled me even closer into him as he held onto my back and let me just feel the friction of our movements. I felt my entire body react as I felt release. I held on to Edward with everything that I had in my and just let the sensations come.

It was a few minutes before I was able to move or speak. When I could, I looked at Edward with wonder in my eyes. I kissed him and jumped down off the counter. "come to bed... it's your turn." and with that, I walked quickly into my room.


	19. All together now

A/N- Sadly, these characters all belong to SM...

Soooooo sorry for the amount of time that has passed since my last update. I can only blame my crazy schedule so many times, though, before it gets old. Sorry!

Chapter 18

I woke up Sunday morning to an empty bed.

It took me a few minutes to realize that Edward should still be there, because I was so used to him leaving early. I sat up, hoping that I would hear him in the bathroom, and tried to push away that sad feeling that I felt when I realized he wasn't there either. I looked around to see that some of his clothes were still laying on my floor, so I knew that he hadn't gone too far. I decided that it was probably a good idea for me to freshen up a little before I went to find him. I took a quick shower and didn't notice the note on the mirror until I got out. Edward had left a note stuck in the frame of the mirror that said to meet him on the porch for breakfast. Afraid that I had already taken too long, I quickly brushed my hair, threw on some jeans and a tank top and practically ran out to the porch.

Edward was sitting on the lounge chair wearing nothing but his jeans. He looked so sexy sitting there with his coffee and that grin that made me tingle.

"Good morning, beautiful. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to sleep all day."

"What time is it?" I couldn't see the clock on the stove through the window.

"Almost 10. I don't think I've ever known you to sleep that late. I must have worn you out last night."

"You've worn me out every night for the past week," I said as I climbed into his lap on the couch.

"I know I have, and I'm sorry for that. If it makes it up to you, I made you breakfast."

I looked over at the table to see that Edward had made omelets and pancakes. There was also juice and champagne for mimosas.

"It looks like you made breakfast for the entire neighborhood."

Edward told me that he hadn't seen me eat a decent meal yet, and that he expected me to eat every bite that he put on my plate. When he told me that I was going to need my strength today, I assumed he was making another sexual innuendo. I had no idea of what he really had planned for us today.

"Sounds like you have big plans for us," I said as I nibbled on his ear.

"Oh no, silly girl. You won't get out of eating that easily. Off you go." And with that, he stood up, effectively dumping me off of his lap. He caught me though, so it was a gentle landing. "And my perverted little girl... I love the way you think, but I wasn't trying to seduce you... yet. I was just trying to prepare you. We are going to be spending the day with my family if that's okay with you."

I had extremely mixed emotions about going to Edward's old house. On one hand, I truly loved his family and wanted to see them. When Edward and I broke up, it devastated me. I know that I could have and would have been accepted with open arms if I had ever tried to make contact with the Cullens, but I just didn't think I could do it. On the other hand, I knew that being there, in the Cullen home, would bring back so many memories that I just wasn't sure I was ready to face.

He must have sensed my hesitance, because he quickly added, "We don't have to go if you don't want to. I just thought it might be fun since the entire family is there. I know he gave you fits, but Em would love to see you too." As if he didn't think I would agree, he added, "We don't have to stay very long if you don't want to. I just know how much it would mean to my parents if you came by."

"Well, if you're going to pull out the whole guilt thing, you should find a wounded puppy to make a sad face. It would be almost as effective as telling me how much it would mean to your mother," I said, only half kidding.

But Edward knew that he had won this battle, there is no way that I would have told him no, even if I really didn't want to go see everyone. I felt like I was in high school again as I tried to figure out what I was going to wear to go see my boyfriend's parents.

"The jeans and shirt were fine, Bella, I don't see why you felt the need to change into a skirt," Edward grumbled.

Smiling at the exchange, I sniped back, "Edward, you are behaving like my three year old. Do you need to pull over and let me drive so you can have a nap?"

_As we were driving out of Port Angeles, I made Edward stop at the grocery store so that I could at least have a bottle of wine and some flowers to take with me to his parents' house. I was a little pissed because we couldn't find an open florist anywhere, so I was going to have to settle for the pre-made arrangements that come from the grocery store. Luckily, though, there were some pretty ones in the cooler. As I leaned in to pick up the bouquet, I heard someone whistle. Assuming that it was Edward coming back after picking out his mother's favorite wine, I did a little dance, making sure to stick my ass out just enough to lift my skirt a bit. As I stood up and turned around though, I noticed that Edward was standing a few feet away, and not at all in the direction that I had been directing my little dance. I turned toward the sound of the whistle to see none other than Mike Fucking Newton. He wasn't grinning at me anymore... he was grinning at Edward. Uh oh! I almost dropped the only decent looking bouquet in the entire store. It was a beautiful square vase filled with pink and orange roses and lilies. What a waste that would have been. _

_"Enjoying the view there, Newton," Edward was still smiling as he spoke._

_"Actually, I was enjoying the view." __**Stupid boy!**_

_I just decided to play dumb. Edward and Mike had never been big fans of each other, and I didn't think it was the best time for them to take out their adolescent issues. "Wait... I'm confused." I looked back and forth between the two, "Edward, wasn't that you that just whistled?" _

_"No, B. You just did a little dance for Newton there."_

_I giggled the entire way out to the car. _

I could tell that Edward was still pissed about the whole thing, so I tried to make light of it. "Seriously though, you have to admit it's kinda funny."

"Nope. I can't say that I find it funny at all. And what the hell was he talking about when he said he thought you would have called him by now?" Edward didn't sound nearly as amused as I still felt.

"Edward come on! Mike Newton has always hated you and known that the fastest way to get under your skin was through me. I saw him at the grocery store the other day, and he gave me his business card. He knew then that I wouldn't call him, but he gave it to me anyway."

"I just don't understand his infatuation with you." Edward was trying to have a serious conversation that I just wasn't willing to have.

"Really? You don't see why he might be interested in little ole me, huh?" I was starting to get a little pissed that we were STILL talking about this. Part of me wanted to scream at him that he had no right to tell me who I could or couldn't shake my butt in front of.

"Bella, you know that's not what I mean."

"Edward, I'm just going to say this one time. GET OVER IT! If I had wanted to sleep with Mike Newton, I would have done it years ago. Yes, I shook my ass in his face today, but only because I thought it was you. If you are going to be pissy about this for the rest of the day, please turn the car around and take me home. You can take the flowers and wine to your mother all by yourself. Then you can explain to your family why I refused to come with you, so they can all tell you what an ass you are being."

It is really hard to turn away from someone in a tiny little two-seater car, but I did my best to turn my back to Edward so that I could pout. I heard him mumble something under his breath. I turned around to look at him as I screamed, but before loud noises came out, I noticed that he was laughing (if you could call it a laugh).

"Now who is behaving like a three year old?"

"Don't go there with me," I could feel myself trying not to laugh along with him.

"I gotta say, B - you really have changed. I think it's a good thing for you."

I stared at him, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"It just means that you were never great at standing up for yourself. Even when I knew I was being an ass, there was very little that you would have said to me to make me stop. It's very effective for you to tell me to turn around and take you home... and mean it." Edward was looking at me quite seriously as he said this.

"Is this a fight?" I said with a grin on my face. "Are we really having an argument over Mike Newton?"

"Not anymore. I'm not worried about that puss."

"Then Edward, why the hell are you making such a big deal out of absolutely nothing?"

He was chuckling again by this point, "I don't know. But would you answer one more question for me?"

"Uh, sure, I guess."

"Did Newton really try to sleep with you a long time ago?"

"What?"

"You said that if you wanted to sleep with him, you would have done it a long time ago..."

I punched him in the arm and told him to drive the damn car. The rest of the trip was spent with me telling Edward about all the times that Mike Newton had tried to get in my pants and the different excuses that I had given him over the years. By the time we got to Forks, we were both laughing so hard at the ridiculousness of the argument and Mike, that we were crying. I had to make Edward stop at a gas station not ten minutes from his parents' house, because I was afraid I would wet my pants.

Having settled down somewhat and wiped all the eye makeup off my face, I was ready to "meet the parents." Of course, I had met these parents before, and I loved them almost as if they were my own (or in some cases more than if they were my own). I knew that Esme and Carlisle had always loved me, and they had always been good to me. Esme made it very clear to me that if I ever needed someone to talk to after Edward and I broke up, I could always come to her. Still, none of these facts negated the fact that as I walked up to the house, my palms were sweaty and I was really nervous. I wasn't really sure why, but I felt that this trip would have some significance in my relationship with Edward or lack thereof from here on out. Before I could make it up the front steps, the door flew open. I had forgotten how incredibly large Emmet was until he picked me up and swung me around in one of his giant bear hugs.

"Put her down, Em." I heard Carlisle's calm voice of reason, "Bella always hated it when you threw her around like a china doll."

I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I heard her, "There is only one Bella I know that people could compare to a china doll. And anyone that thinks of Bella Swan as fragile, obviously doesn't know her anymore." Rosalie walked to the doorway to stand behind Emmett. Her grin was contagious.

"Oh My God, Rose! What are you doing here?"

The rest of the Cullens had started gathering into the doorway. They were all watching us curiously. Esme spoke up, "I take it you two know each other?"

Rosalie spoke before I could even comprehend what was happening, "We do. We've been best friends for years."

Esme looked back and forth between us as if to say there was no way in hell that she believed the two of us could be friends. "Let's go inside, shall we?"

As we followed Esme into the house, Rose squeezed through the people and managed to sidle up next to me. "How fucking weird is this?" she whispered in my ear.

"I'm not sure I know what you're doing here," I whispered back.

Her voice returned to a normal level as we all walked into the kitchen. "Remember the guy that I told you about meeting at the medical conference?" Rose spoke as if there were no other people in the room.

I couldn't help myself, "You mean to tell me that Emmett (I said with mock contempt) is your dreamy doctor? Really? Emmett? Emmett Cullen?"

The rest of the family was having a lot of fun at Em's expense. He, on the other hand, just had this incredibly goofy grin on his face. I should have been paying closer attention to him, though, because before I even knew what hit me, Em had picked me up and was carrying me towards the pool.

It was the kind of behavior that only a mother could stop. "Put her down this instant Emmett Cullen." Esme only had to speak once, and she didn't even really have to raise her voice. Once he had put me back on my feet, Esme continued, "It's obvious that Rosalie and Bella know each other, but I think the rest of us are struggling to keep up with this weird conversation. Let's all have a seat, and we can catch up with what's going on."

It was then that I noticed how much had changed about the kitchen. I can't really describe the feeling of being home, but at the same time, being in a house that belongs to a total stranger. I guess that's what people mean when they say you can never go home again. As I looked around the beautifully redone room, it occurred to me that things with Edward and I, much like this kitchen, would never be what they were. It was definitely something that I wanted to put aside and think about later, because it also made me realize that not being able to go back and recreate what we once had, didn't mean that we would never be able to have anything again. I could feel people looking at me as I stared at the room around me, and I couldn't stifle the giggles. I know that I looked completely ridiculous, laughing at absolutely nothing, but for the first time in a long time, I felt hope.

"Uh oh, I know that giggle... Bella's been drinking," Rose teased from her seat next to me.

It helped relieve some of the tension that I was feeling, just knowing that she was there. With Edward sitting behind me and my best friend in the world sitting next to me, not to mention the crazy yet wonderful family surrounding me, I felt whole again. "Nope, haven't been drinking. I was just looking around the kitchen and thinking about how much things have changed. I love what you've done with it, though." I added the last part almost as an afterthought. I didn't want Esme to think that I didn't like the kitchen, or that I was laughing at it. _Oh hell, just quit talking now!_

It was Alice who spoke next, "So, how do you and Rosalie know each other?"

"We were roommates in college. I remember meeting Rose and thinking that fate was playing some cruel joke on me. I mean, seriously, could two people be any more different than the two of us?"

Rose jumped in, "But it worked out perfectly. Bella needed me, and I needed her. We've never looked back." Rose looked at Edward then. "You must be Edward. I believe we've spoken." Watching Rosalie Hale try to keep her conversation clean for the benefit of Carlisle and Esme was almost comical.

I tried to jump in there and steer this conversation back to safer grounds, but it wasn't possible.

Emmett's lip twitched as he said, "I would believe everything she says, bro. This one can be tough when she has to be." It was obvious that Edward had shared parts of his conversation with Emmett.

"I don't doubt it." I still hadn't gotten used to the sound of Edward's beautiful voice. "But as I told Rosalie over the phone, and I'm pretty sure I have told everyone else in this room, I don't intend to hurt Bella. If you all would like, I can go call Charlie and share my good intentions with him as well. Just so we can get it all out there."

Alice excused herself to go check on Jane, who was sleeping in the room at the end of the hall. Edward decided that it was a great time to open the wine that we brought. Jasper followed Edward to the bar, and they began chatting about something. I was pretty sure that I heard the word Newton, but I wouldn't swear on it. I asked Esme to show me the rest of the remodel that had been done. Rosalie, Emmett and Carlisle tagged along while I got the grand tour.

"I always thought that this was a beautiful house, but I can't believe how great it looks now. Edward said that you did most of the decorating and a lot of the interior work yourself?"

You could see the pride in Esme's eyes as she answered, "I did. I realized that I was truly passionate about design and decorating, so I took a few classes. This house was my experiment, but since completing this one, I have taken on a few jobs. It's hard for me to believe that some people are actually willing to pay me to decorate their houses for them."

Rose added, "It's very obvious that you are a calm and centered person. You have brought that into the design of your home, and I can imagine that people would like to enjoy your style as well. I have just bought a small house in Port Angeles. I would love for you to come give me some quotes."

Emmett, Carlisle and I all knew that Esme would never take a penny from Rosalie to help her with decorating her new home. It was sweet of Rose to ask Esme, though. What Rosalie didn't yet realize is that she had just become Esme's new project. As I watched Em and Rose together, I realized that this relationship would not be one of those short flings (had it ever crossed my mind before running into them today, I would have realized that they make the perfect couple). I was really pleased to see that Esme would have a new daughter figure to bond with.

Alice came back into the living room with a very sleepy-eyed three year old toddling behind her. Jane walked straight up to Carlisle and lifted her arms, telling him to pick her up. She informed him that she wanted to go swimming, so the group decided to head out to the patio to spend the afternoon and catch up.

Living in the rainiest place on North America means that not many people have swimming pools in their backyard. The Cullens had built the pool when the kids were younger, and they had enclosed it so that it could be enjoyed year round. Jasper and Carlisle both got in the pool with Jane. She was so cute with her little bathing suit and floaties on, that I couldn't help but miss my kids. Before sitting down to chat with everyone, I walked to the corner of the pool room to call Charlie. Seth answered his phone.

"Hi Mommy."

"Hey buddy, how are you?"... We talked for a while about camping and Sue's house. I heard all about the S'mores they had made the night before and how Sue had to scrub poor Leah to get all the marshmallow off of her. I talked with Seth for a few more minutes, then I spoke to Leah for a while. She essentially told me all of the sane things that Seth had said, but she enjoyed talking too, so I couldn't stop her. When Charlie got on the phone, something seemed a bit off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but he seemed quiet... even for Charlie.

"Bella, where are you right now? I hear kids in the background."

"Correction Dad, you hear kid - as in singular, one kid. She's just loud. It's Jane, she's playing in the pool with Carlisle and Jasper."

Charlie seemed to realize without me having to say it that Edward was around. "Please don't let him hurt you again. I can't stand to see you turn into that shell of a girl."

"It's different this time, Dad." And I knew in my heart, that it truly was.

What that meant, I had no idea.

Em and Rose... Yeah!

Please review!


	20. Oops

A/N - Sadly, these characters all belong to SM.

Thank you all for reading and for the recent reviews. I know it's taken me forever to start updating again, but things should settle down shortly.

Chapter 19

I talked with Charlie for a few minutes longer. He had originally planned to bring the kids back Monday afternoon, but the tribe was having a big bonfire on the beach that night; Sue and Billy really wanted Seth and Leah to be there. Apparently there was some sort of significance with it being a full moon and the equinox. Jacob used to try to tell me about his tribal traditions, but I always kind of blew them off. It was fascinating to hear, but I never really paid a lot of attention to them. I guess I just counted on the fact that he would be able to pass the important traditions down to the little ones.

I assured Charlie that it was absolutely fine for him to keep the kids an extra day and thanked him and Sue for making sure that they kept that part of their heritage alive. Charlie tried to get me to talk about my relationship with Edward a few more times before we got off the phone, but he didn't push too hard. I assured him that I would be careful.

"Be careful with what?" I heard the velvety voice asking as I hung up the phone.

I had no sooner turned to answer him than I heard my very dear, very outspoken friend answer for me. "Why do you think her father would possibly be telling her to be careful?"

"Rose!" I cautioned

Everyone, with the exception of Jasper, Carlisle and Little Jane were watching us. It was almost as if they were watching a tennis match, but between three people.

"No, Bella. I think it is important for Edward to know exactly what he did to you. I have heard him say multiple times that he doesn't plan on hurting you again, but I still think he should know exactly how deeply he hurt you." She turned toward Edward.

"Maybe now isn't the best time," I interrupted.

"No," Edward said, "I would like to get this all out in the air. Rosalie appears to be very important to you, and if you and I plan to move forward, I think she is going to have to say her piece."

Edward looked around at his family before saying, "It's not like they haven't all berated me for the way I treated you, and I assure you, there is nothing that she can say, or anyone else for that matte_r, that could _make me feel worse than I already do."

Rosalie took this as her opportunity to speak, "Bella was completely devastated when the two of you broke up. I can't even express to you how void and despondent she was when I met her. I watched her go through life completely detached from anything that could evoke any sort of emotion in her. It took her years to even begin to act like she could feel human emotions again."

I stopped her there. "Rosalie! I seriously think this is a conversation for another time and another place." I could see the anguish on Edward's face, and I didn't want to see anymore unhappiness today. "I would really like to have a good time this afternoon, and you are totally killing my buzz." I tried to make light of the conversation, but the tension in the room was palpable.

"I need to say one more thing," she spoke before I could think of a way to change the subject, "Edward I can see that you have a very strong need to protect Bella. So much so, that, from what I understand, it cost the two of you your relationship. I need for you to understand, for her sake, that she feels the same way about her children. Like it or not, wrong or right, that's how it is. Please respect her needs in all of this, as well as theirs."

Alice, who had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire afternoon, spoke directly to Rose. "I like you! I was a little concerned at first, and I was afraid you would try to steal my Bella, but you are exactly what my brothers (she looked at both Emmett and Edward) need."

"Rosalie, I am glad that Bella has had a friend like you to rely on." Edward actually looked a bit happier than he had before (but he certainly didn't look cheery), "What you've said makes sense to me."

Jasper had gotten out of the pool and was shaking water all over the two dry brothers. They ended up wrestling by the poolside, and the three of them all ended up back in the pool. Just like that, Jasper had managed to calm the mood of everyone sitting around feeling tense. He had always had a knack for knowing when to behave a certain way to change the mood of an entire room.

"Bella, I'm sorry if you didn't want me to say anything, but I had to." Rose looked at Alice now, "I like you too, even if you are a little tiny thing like MY Bella. Now that I have said my piece," she looked directly at me as if to get my blessing to continue. I nodded at her to go on, "I think the six of us will be great friends."

Alice's head was bobbing like a bobble head. "Oh we will!" She said enthusiastically, "I can sense these things."

I was so excited for my friends, but even with the small glimmer of hope that I had felt earlier in the day, a huge part of me was feeling panicked. What if this time when Edward left, all of my friends, including Rose - my biggest support- stayed with this family. What would I do?

I started looking around at the Cullen Family. Everyone was so happy to be together. Watching Carlisle and Esme was like watching a love story on television. I don't ever remember a time when the two of them didn't seem absolutely perfect for each other. Then there were Alice and Jasper... High school sweethearts. The two of them just seemed to complete each other. And even with as completely different as Emmett and Rosalie are, as soon as I thought about the two of them as a couple, I knew that it was a perfect match.

Knowing that the Cullen Family was sitting around me, content in their bliss and expecting me to just join ranks, made me feel a little sick. I was watching Little Jane in the pool, playing with her Daddy and her grandfather, and I felt a sudden urge to leave. I got up quickly, intending to run in to the restroom and just put some cold water on my face, but I quickly realized that the restroom had been moved during the remodeling of the house. All of the sudden, it felt as if fate was conspiring against me. I headed into the kitchen, not knowing where else to go. I sat in one of the comfortable new stools and tried to gather my thoughts for a minute.

Knowing that I was being a bit ridiculous, but not being able to help myself, I put my head down on the cool stone of the kitchen counter. I had never thought of myself as an envious person, and I had never wanted anything but happiness for the people I loved. But there was a small part of me that was screaming at the inequity of it all. Sitting around the pool watching the perfect family love their perfect children, who seemed to have the perfect relationships was just too much. I couldn't help but compare Esme to my mother and wonder how I got the raw end of that deal. Then, to see Alice and Jasper, who got their fairy tale ending, made me wonder why I couldn't have just married my high school sweetheart. Watching little Jane with Jasper and Carlisle in the pool was, I think, what finally did me in. My kids would never be able to enjoy time with their Dad like that again. My mother would never be the one that Seth and Leah threw their arms up for when she walked in the room. I sat there for a few minutes feeling sorry for myself.

I felt her presence before I felt her comforting hand on my shoulder. "You know Bella, he didn't call often, but when he did, he always asked about you first. He knew that Carlisle and I would keep tabs on you from a distance."

I looked at Esme for a while as I decided what to say. She knew that I was upset, but I wasn't sure that she really understood why. "It's not really just about that anymore." I decided that the most vague answer I could give would end this conversation the fastest, but Esme, being Esme, knew exactly what I was doing.

Esme poured us each another glass of wine and sat down next to me. "I'm sure it isn't just about 'that' anymore. I would imagine that there are quite a few 'that's' running through that head of yours at this moment." Esme was looking out the doors that led to the patio and pool. I'm not sure if she was really watching the boys and Jane playing in the water, or if she was looking at something that wasn't really there. "Bella, I wish I could explain to you how difficult it was for me not to run over and try to comfort you when the two of you broke up. It ripped my heart out to know that you were suffering. I was pretty certain that your mother wasn't around, and I knew that Charlie wouldn't know what to do."

I was stunned at where she was headed with this, "Esme, you don't have to..."

"I do. It's a conversation that I have had with myself for years, and one that you need to hear." She cut me off. "Please understand that while I may not have agreed with his idiotic choices, my allegiances lie with my son. With that being said, though, the Cullen family has always and will always love you and welcome you with open arms. While I think that Ms. Rosalie Hale is going to take some getting used to for Carlisle and myself, I already lover her. Part of that is due to the fact that she was there for you when I couldn't be."

I must have been looking at her strangely as I was trying to figure out the hidden message in what she was saying. "Bella," she said to me almost as if she were talking to a small child, "I could be wrong, but it seems to me as if you were sitting in the kitchen because you were a bit overwhelmed by all of the happiness and family around you."

I had to turn my body so that I was looking at her. "Actually, I was... in a way. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself." It was nice to have this conversation with Esme, even if it seemed a bit weird. "It seems like every relationship around me is so uncomplicated. I, on the other hand, would have nothing if I didn't have complications."

Esme took a sip of her wine and put her glass down gently. She played with the rim of the glass while she thought about what she wanted to say. Just when I began to think the conversation was over, she spoke quietly. "Bella, there are no relationships worth having that are without complications. It may not seem that way to you now, but Carlisle and I have had our fair share. I can assure you that Alice and Jasper have hit a few bumps in the road as well." She actually smirked a little before she spoke again, "My guess is that Em and Rosalie will have quite a few things to work through as well."

Hoping that she didn't misunderstand what I was saying, for I had known about the difficulties she and Carlisle had earlier in their marriage when they were trying so hard to have more babies, I interrupted. "That's not exactly what I meant. There are always going to be complications, I guess, but have you ever questioned Carlisle's feelings for you?"

"Bella, have you ever really questioned Edward's feelings for you? I think that you and I both know..."

Alice and Rosalie picked that time to run into the kitchen. "We were wondering where you two had gone." Alice broke in. "I think it is time that we kicked those boys out of the pool and had some girl fun."

It had been quite a long time since I had done anything in a pool more than swim laps at the local gym. The thought of getting in a pool with friends for playing seemed almost absurd to me. Esme excused herself by saying that she and Carlisle had dinner plans at a friend's house, which left me to fend for myself.

"I don't have a bathing suit," I said. I was perfectly smug because I had the perfect excuse to get out of their silly games, which I was sure would get extremely silly as Alice started pulling out the blender and liquor.

As Esme was walking out of the kitchen to go get ready for her dinner date, I could have sworn I saw her wink at Rose. "It's alright Bella, I'm sure Alice has one you could wear. It might be a bit small, but it should fit well enough." She actually giggled as she walked away. Traitor.

Since it was just my girls in the room, I felt like I could share with them that I couldn't swim anyway because I was on my period.

"Oh my God, Bella. What are you, like 12." Rosalie spoke in her characteristic manner, "They make these things called tampons. Do I need to show you how to use them?"

Even though I knew it was just Rose and Alice, and I had talked with them about much more personal stuff, I began to blush furiously. Taking her cue, Alice decided to drag me to her old room to find me a bathing suit. There weren't many options. By the time Alice had chosen hers, I realized that the least offensive bathing suit left in the house from Alice's teen years was a red bikini. Not just any red bikini, mind you, it was a string bikini. The top consisted of two triangles strategically placed to cover VERY little.

I wrapped the towel around me as I walked back to the living room. Trying to hide the fact that I was almost naked in front of all of these people, I tried to stay as far back from everyone else as I could. I felt his hands around my waist before I heard his sexy voice. He had placed one hand under the front cover of the towel as he whispered in my ear, "I know you didn't bring a bathing suit. Does that mean we're gonna skinny dip?"

I knew I was blushing as I responded, "No, I have on a bathing suit... If you could even call it that." His hands were roaming on my stomach, trying to find the suit. I could feel his breathing increase as he finally found some material. "I think I need to see this suit before I know if you will be allowed to wear it in front of my brothers."

Just as I was about to tell him that I could wear the suit shopping in downtown Seattle if I so desired, he pulled the towel off and twisted me around so that I was facing him. "Wow, that suit looks so different on you than it did on Alice."

Feeling self-conscience, I mumbled, "That's because Alice is thin and was 15 years old the last time she wore it."

"No, B- it's because you fill it out so well. I do think that I might have to put the towel back on you though. For your sake, of course." He smiled as he said it, but I knew that he was only half-kidding.

I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek and tell him that it would be okay, but before I knew what was happening, I was in the air and then into the pool.

"Emmett Cullen, I will fucking kill you!" I yelled as I came out of the water. I made my way to the steps and got out. As I stepped off the last rung of the ladder, I noticed that Edward had a murderous look in his eye. Wondering what had happened, I looked at Emmett and Japer. They were standing side by side staring at me.

It would appear as though one of the triangles had failed to do its job!

_Not the most exciting of chapters, but it seemed like the story needed some fluff. We will get back to lemons and angst soon, I promise...  
_


	21. Giggles and Tears

Again - sorry for the long delay.

I have a really hard time writing the lemony bits *blushes*

Chapter 20

The rest of the evening went quite well. I was mortified about by my bathing suit slipping, but we got it taken care of, and I decided that I should not make a big deal out of it... well sort of. Rose and Alice had come running to my rescue. They retied the bathing suit so that it fit a little more snugly, giving the triangles less chance for movement.

"I don't know why you are even bothering; if you think I am getting in the pool again in this thing, you are both out of your fucking minds!"

Rose put another drink in my hand while Alice pouted, "Oh come on Bella! The triangle just slipped a little, it's not like you lost your entire top. Besides, it would have stayed in place fine if Edward hadn't been messing with it right before you went in the pool."

Feeling warm from the drink Rose gave me, I couldn't stay mad for too long. "It's just embarrassing."

I chanced a glance over at the guys who were paying absolutely no attention to me whatsoever. They were goofing off with Jane. Knowing that I had overreacted, I fixed my attitude and decided to play nice. I was going to think of something to royally fuck Emmett over though. If not tonight, then soon.

Little Jane was so much fun, and it was obvious that Edward was totally enamored with her. He was a complete doting uncle, diving under to get things for her and chasing her around whenever she asked him to. It was fun to watch him with her. As a mother of a three year old, I know how tiring it can become to play the same game over and over and over, but Edward didn't seem to mind one bit. I wondered how he would act with Leah. _Put those thoughts out of your head Bella._ I think we played Marco Polo for hours.

Tired and hungry (swimming always does that to me), I climbed out of the pool, checking and double checking my bathing suit top, to dry off. I realized that if we were going to eat dinner, I would probably have to fix it. I sat in the lounge chair with my big fluffy towel wrapped around me and watched the family playing. Shortly after I got out, Edward noticed that I was gone, and he came to sit behind me on the chair. He pulled me back into his chest as he slid both of his hands under my towel. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hands on me. Being comfortably tipsy and exhausted, I absolutely refused to feel anything but happy at this moment.

His hands started rubbing up and down my ribcage as he whispered, "I really like this bathing suit on you."

I wiggled a little so that his hands had easier access and told him that I was glad that he liked it but that he would never see me in it again.

"Well," he said it that sexy voice of his, "If you hate it that much, then I think we need to get it off of you right away." His hands were roaming a little more urgently.

One sentence. That was all it took for him to turn my brain into mush. I felt so ridiculous that the mere mention of sex with Edward could still make me act like a teenage girl. "Your entire family is in the pool 10 feet away," was all I managed to get out.

"They won't mind if we head up to my room for a little while."

Before I could even think, I was up off the chair and heading into the house. Edward was right behind me. He didn't take his hands off of me for one second.

The house had changed so much, I was afraid I would go to the totally wrong place. I stepped to the side to let Edward lead. Instead of stepping in front of me, he pulled me into his chest and just held me.

I could feel the smirk on his face as he spoke quietly into my ear, "Do you not remember the way, or do I just have you so flustered you can't walk anymore?"

I haughtily responded as I turned to face him, "Don't flatter yourself Mr. Cullen. I am no horny little teenager; I can certainly manage all by my lonesome."

"Maybe, but what fun would that be when I am here to manage things for you?" He began kissing along my jaw line, which actually did make my legs feel a little bit weak. I was not about to admit it though. He made his way to my mouth. "Bella..." and he stopped speaking.

I wanted to protest; I wanted to know what he was about to say, but I couldn't think of anything but the way he was making me feel. Although I didn't think it was even possible, he was pulling me closer into him. I had always loved the way his body felt, and none of that had changed. He had remained solid, and chiseled through the years. I stood on my toes so that I could gently bite his neck. His hands tightened on my back, and before I knew what was happening, I was being lifted off my feet. I wrapped my hands around his neck and allowed him to carry me while I continued to nibble. He didn't turn the lights on in the room that he carried me into, but I could see the outline of his furniture. I was amazed to realize that from what I could tell, nothing had changed. He put me down at the edge of his bed, and laced his fingers into mine. I tried to ask him what he had been about to say, but he cut me off with another mind blowing kiss.

When Edward kissed me, I forgot who or what I was. I forgot everything that was going on around me. It had always been like that with him. It's why we almost got caught in the act so many times. All of my judgment and level headedness went out the window as soon as he touched me. It was like he had this magic over me, something almost mythical, and I couldn't resist. Really, it wasn't just his kiss; it was everything about him. His voice, his appearance, he was just my Edward. I didn't understand why, at this very minute, my Edward was pulling away from me - until I realized that he had just gone back to close and lock the bedroom door. In the time it took him to walk to the door and back, I could actually feel the void. For what felt like the hundredth time since breakfast, I realized that I was in over my head, and that this "fling" that I had wanted was more than a fling.

Not knowing that the shivers and goose bumps were from him touching me rather than the towel I had wrapped around me being thrown on the floor, Edward pulled me into the bed with him and made sure that I was covered. I tried to pull the blanket off so that I could feel him against me, but every time I moved, he would just cover me back up. It could have been funny... could have been. I finally sat up and pulled the blanket off of me.

Looking down, I said, "I probably wouldn't be shivering if I didn't have on a wet bathing suit."

Moving quickly to help me untie the bathing suit, Edward bent down so that he could look directly at me and make sure that I could see the teasing look on his face. "Bella, if you had wanted me to take your suit off, you could have just asked. You didn't have to make me worry about you." I teasingly smacked at him, but he just grabbed my hands and put them above my head. "I would imagine that the bottoms of your bathing suit are making you cold as well." He kissed me again as he slid his hands down my arms and body to try to take my bathing suit completely off.

"Um, we have to leave that part on."

It seemed to take Edward a minute to comprehend what I was saying, but realization dawned on his face as he asked me, "Bella, do you really think it matters? I can assure you that it doesn't bother me."

"It matters to me." I said, totally disgusted with myself.

Between kisses, Edward informed me that we would have to enjoy ourselves in other ways. Quite frankly, I was pissed.

I started to protest as soon as his lips left mine, but they began working their magic on my neck before I could say anything. I could feel the warmth of his lips as they moved down my collarbone. As much as I wanted to simply bask in the sensations of feeling Edward touching me and kissing me, my body wanted more. Pushing myself into him, I made my needs known. I wrapped my legs around his waist just in case he didn't understand what I was trying to tell him.

"Bella, you are making it very difficult for me to do this slowly like I had planned."

Before I even knew what I was saying, I replied with "Fuck slowly!"

"That was the plan."

I wanted Edward to feel the pleasure that he was giving to me. I tried several times to get my arms between us so that I could push him down onto his back, but every time I would try to move my arms, he would stop me. "Please let me do this my way Bella."

With a shit-eating grin on my face, I looked at Edward, pulled my arms out of his hands and started playing with the waistband of his shorts. "I promise you that if you let me do this my way." I stopped to kiss him, starting with his eyes and planting tiny kisses all over his face until I came to his mouth. "You won't regret it."

As I pushed my tongue into his mouth, I was able to get my hand inside the shorts that he was wearing. He moaned into my mouth as I put my hand around him. I pulled my mouth away long enough to give him an "I told you so" look, but he quickly pulled my face back to him.

"There will be no doing anything slowly if you keep doing what you're doing," he growled into my mouth.

Smiling as I kissed him again, I told him that I was going to set the pace this time, and that he just needed to deal with it. He couldn't really argue with me as my hand started working. He just dropped his head back and groaned again.

"Hm, that's what I thought!" I said as I began kissing his neck and chest. Besides, we have a little extra time this weekend. Charlie isn't bringing the kids back until Wednesday. You should be able to do whatever you want, as slowly as you want by tomorrow." I tightened my hand as I spoke causing him to groan again.

I tried to tug his shorts down with my free hand, but it wasn't working. I had to stop what I was doing in order to get his shorts off. This time his groan wasn't quite so intense, but he did give his shorts a good tug, making them much easier for me to get them off. As I started kissing his chest again, he pulled my face up to his and kissed me again. He managed to make me forget what I was doing simply by kissing me. Things became almost frenzied as his hands and mouth explored my body. I could feel both of us losing control, and I wanted to make sure that Edward was feeling every bit as out of control as I was. I managed to turn us more on our sides so that I was able to move a little more easily. I gently bit his shoulder and began licking down his arms and chest resulting in a guttural moan. Kissing my way down his body, I took him into my mouth. Watching his hands grasp and ungrasp the sheets was a surprising turn on for me. I licked the tip of him and took him in my mouth again. Listening to the sounds that Edward was making and knowing that I was the person responsible for his pleasure was incredible. I could tell he was getting close to the edge by the way his breathing was hitched and broken. For a final time, I licked up and down his length and under the tip and took him in my mouth. His hips began to work on their own forcing him deeper into my mouth as he finished. I was fascinated with the way his hands turned white as he clinched his fists in the sheets and thought about the things I would like for those strong hands to do to my body.

As if reading my mind, his hands started tugging me up towards him in the bed. His kisses were a bit more gentle but still every bit as powerful. I didn't expect him to kiss my mouth directly, but apparently he had no qualms as he gently licked at my lips and pierced my mouth with his tongue. Those strong hands began working their magic, rubbing me exactly where I needed to be rubbed. Edward pushed one leg between my thighs and pushed me into him. With his other hand, he began rubbing against me. Feeling my entire body tense with anticipation, I bit Edward's shoulder again, this time a little bit harder. I didn't think about it for long once Edward groaned again and pushed against me more forcefully. I was too busy focusing on the fact that every nerve in my body was on fire. I could feel all of my muscles tensing. I screamed as the orgasm hit me, and I tried to find a pillow to muffle the sound. Since there wasn't one close enough, I buried my head in Edward's shoulder, hoping that would help some as my lower body took over and continued thrusting into his leg.

"God, you're beautiful! I could watch you all day."

"Yes, I'm sure that I looked so attractive a few minutes ago. You're just saying that because I gave you a blow job!"

"That was no ordinary blow job, I can assure you," he said as he was putting his dry clothes back on.

_The kicks in the ribs and the constant sound of little snores weren't all that bad. It was the occasional screams and the inconsolable sobbing that I couldn't deal with as a mother. The sheer panic I would feel when Seth would climb into the bed with me, because I knew I was a failure as a mother, is what I dreaded each and every night. I could do absolutely nothing to take the pain away from that little face full of anguish. _

_The first night that I heard the screams, the night of the funeral, I rushed into Seth's room and scooped him out of his bed. I brought him with me into my room and held him while we both cried. Sometime during that night, little Leah must have heard us and woken up as well. She ended up in the bed with us, and we all cried ourselves out. That night seemed to go on forever. Seth was repeating over and over, almost in a catatonic state, that he wanted his Daddy. Leah would try to copy Seth, and I could do nothing but sit there and cry with them. _

_It was almost the only thing Seth said for the first few weeks, "I want my Daddy." As a counselor, I should have known the stages of grief that they, Seth more than Leah, would need to go through, but as a mother, it was impossible to separate myself from the situation enough to realize that he was coping in his own little way. I spent every second with my little guys trying to make up for the fact that they were sad and upset and that I could do nothing about it. _

_For the first time in his life, Seth had become clingy. I'm talking the kid that screams if his mother leaves the room to go to the bathroom, clingy. Needless to say, returning to school after the few weeks of vacation he had for Christmas, was difficult for both of us. Not knowing what else to do, I sat with him in his kindergarten class. I thought that if I showed him that it was safe, that I was a permanent fixture, he would start to adjust. It didn't work. Soon Seth started pitching fits and hitting classmates. I was able to take leave from work for several months, so I ended up becoming a permanent fixture in Seth's class. When I would reprimand him for his behavior, he would get worse. It was so bad, that his teacher asked me not to stay more than an hour or so in the mornings._

_I didn't know what to do with myself when I wasn't taking care of Seth. I would stay at the school and volunteer in someone's room, which was incredibly difficult, because there were days that I would be able to hear him crying for his Mommy. These days turned into weeks, and soon it was time for me to return to work. _

_It wasn't until Embry pointed out to me that I was having just as much difficulty as they were, that I even stopped to acknowledge my reaction to the death of my husband. I wish I could say that I realized I needed to step up as a mother and teach my children some coping skills, but the fact of the matter was, I still thought that I was doing what was best for everyone by trying to take the place of their Daddy. My life had become a continuous cycle of sleepless nights, followed by tearful mornings, followed by temper tantrums all the way into the babysitters house and the kindergarten classroom. I would get to work each day and enjoy the few minutes of quiet time before I would be expected to help children coping with their own problems. There was one girl, in particular, that I took an interest in. She was a 12 year old girl named Jennifer whose mother had died of Colon Cancer the previous summer. _

_Jennifer had been having run-ins with another little girl all year long by the time she came to me to talk about bullying. From the information I was able to get out of her, the other little girl had been teasing Jennifer about boys and just saying plain hurtful things that middle school girls say to each other. I asked her if she had spoken with her father about the girl, and she answered me, "Ms. Black, I know that he's my Dad, but he doesn't understand this stuff. He would try, because that's what he does, but he isn't a mother, and he never will be. Things would be a lot better for both of us if he would just quit trying to take her place."_

_From the mouths of babes..._

_That afternoon, I picked Seth up from school, determined to have a nice afternoon. No sooner had I pulled out of Leah's sitter's driveway, than Seth had reached over and pulled her hair hard enough to make her scream. When I asked him why he would hurt his sister on purpose, I expected another sarcastic remark from him. Instead I got sobs. Seth was so upset that I couldn't get him to answer me in the car. He was crying so hard that he could barely speak. Leah had started crying too, by this point, and I was focusing on getting us home. _

_I used my best counselor voice when I spoke, "Seth, I know you are upset about the death of your father, but that doesn't give you the right..."_

_"You don't know!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "You didn't even love Daddy, or you would be upset too. You hate me and you want me to die too!"_

_I looked over at Seth, only I was in the passenger seat of Jake's truck now, and it was Jake looking back at me. "I can't believe you don't even care. You didn't love me, you're such a fucking whore!"_

_Just as he said it, I could see the semi barreling down on his side of the truck. I tried to yell at Jake to stop the car, but I couldn't speak. I turned away so that I wouldn't have to see anything, but I never heard the sound of the crash. When I turned back to look at him, Jake had turned into Lauren. _

_"No, Bella. You aren't a whore, you are just a clueless bitch. You didn't even know that your husband was fucking my brains out on a regular basis. You know that he was coming home from my house the night of the accident. He fucked me good that night. You know it, you're just too stupid to admit it. And you know why Jacob fucked me instead of going home to you? It's because you never gave him the love he deserved. You were always pining over that Edward guy, and he didn't love you enough to stick around either."_

_"That's not true," I tried to say. Only this time I was talking to Jessica._

_"What's not true, Bella? That you're sleeping with my leftovers? That Jake died coming home from someone else's bed because you didn't love him enough to give him what he needed. Come on Bella, he married me!"_

I was awoken by a sudden stop. We were close to my house, which meant I had been asleep for quite a while. Disoriented, I asked Edward why we had pulled into a grocery store parking lot.

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt Edward's hand pulling my chin toward him in the car. "What's with the tears, B?"

I smiled at him, "To tell you the truth, I don't know. I was just thinking about how different my life is now than it was two years ago."

To be totally honest, I knew that I was thinking about these things out of guilt. I had spent such a nice day with Edward and his normal family, that it was surreal. Esme's words about her allegiance to her son were playing over and over in my head on the drive home. Seth had come so far since his father's accident, that I was completely terrified my newfound giddiness would somehow hinder his progress. I guess I started thinking about his journey and fell asleep.

Edward looked truly concerned when he spoke. "Is it because you spent the day with my family, or is it me?"

I tried to reassure him that it was neither. "I was thinking about Seth and how difficult things were for him after Jake died. I guess I fell asleep."

"Please talk to me. You said Jessica's name right before you woke up."

I certainly wasn't ready to talk to him about it right now. "It was just a bad dream, Edward. Seth turned into Jake who turned into Lauren who then turned into Jessica. It's okay, really!"

Not convinced, Edward pulled back out into the light traffic. He glanced at me every few minutes to make sure I wasn't crying again. "Are you hungry?"

The plan had been for me to cook dinner for the crew, and then we were all going to hang out a bit longer. But when Edward and I walked downstairs from our afternoon, there was a note on the refrigerator door that everyone had decided to go out since we were taking too long. There was a smiley face drawn on the note telling me that it had been written by Alice. However, on the bottom of the page in Rosalie's very distinct handwriting was another note:

Remember Edward, I will cut your balls off if you hurt her again!

Love,

Rose

"No, I was hungry, but now I'm just really tired. Swimming always does that to me." I tried to keep my voice as normal and casual as possible, but I was really shaken up by that dream. For some reason, Esme's words: "Did you ever question his love for you?" kept running through my mind. The answer was undoubtedly yes. It just reiterated the fact that I had never felt like I belonged in his world.

The remaining few minutes in the car passed quietly. I knew Edward was concerned because he kept glancing at me. He held my hand tightly and would lean over to kiss me every chance he got. As we pulled into my driveway, he asked me if I wanted to go anywhere or do anything.

"I think I just want to go to bed."

"Bella, it's only 9:30. Are you sure?"

I tried to keep my voice light, but I really wanted to cry. "I'm sure. I want nothing more that a hot shower and my bed."

Leaning over to kiss my as he opened my door, he said, "A hot shower does sound nice."

Normally, a shower with Edward would be a perfect remedy for my blues, but this time I couldn't do it. I didn't want to sound bitchy or mean, but I needed a few minutes alone. "I'll be quick, then it's all yours."

Knowing that I had probably hurt his feelings, I tried to step in front of Edward so that I didn't see the look on his face. I was being a total bitch, but I did not want to break down in front of him.

"Bella, do you want me to leave?" He sounded so sad.

Not knowing what I wanted or how I felt, I told him the only thing I could think of. "No, I will only be a few minutes." I tried really hard to lighten my voice as I spoke again, "Then maybe we can watch a movie in bed or something."

I turned around so that he didn't see the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I didn't look back until I had the bathroom door firmly shut and locked. After turning on the shower and standing under the hot water for a few minutes, I did feel better. I was able to tell myself that I was being totally irrational and that it was just a dream. I spent a few more minutes in the bathroom just to allow myself time to calm down. I checked my face in the mirror, put on my big fluffy pink robe and walked into my bedroom to find Edward laying in my bed. He had taken his shirt off and was leaning back against the headboard flipping channels with the remote. As soon as he saw me, he put the remote down and held out his arms.

I climbed into his arms and snuggled into his chest. He smelled so good that I could feel myself relaxing just by breathing him in. He rubbed my head and arms for a while, and we just sat there and watched whatever random show was on the television. After a few minutes, he pulled my face up to look at him and kissed me gently. "Bella, baby, what is it."

His arms made a steel cage around me, so I knew there was no escape. All of the will power in the world couldn't stop the tears that started flowing. I tried to look away from him, but he just kept pulling my face back to his. "Please Bella, whatever it is, let's talk about it. I know it has something to do with Jessica."

Hating the fact that I knew I was going to sound clingy and needy, I looked away as much as he would let me. "I need to know, Edward. Why did you marry her. I didn't think it mattered, but it does. I don't get the whole, I've never stopped loving you thing. It just doesn't make sense."

Edward sighed and kissed my nose. "Where do I start?"

Will his answer be good enough - probably not.

Please review - good or bad.


	22. Movie theaters and vodka don't mix!

A/N - I'm hoping not to lose too many of you with this... Let the Edward/Jessica wackiness ensue...

Chapter 21

"You know, Bella. There are psychologists that specialize in dream interpretation. It isn't an area that I have particularly studied, but I can tell you there are several schools of thought." Rose's voice on the other end of the phone sounded interested.

Edward was still asleep, and I knew that I should have been. But I had woken up still bothered by my weird dream in the car last night, and I wanted to see If Rose had any insight for me, so I called her on her cell. I also just wanted to talk to someone that I knew would be objective about the all-night discussion that had taken place following the crazy dream.

Rose was still speaking, so I made myself focus on her voice rather than on my own inner monologue. "... feel that dreams are the manifestation of wishes that have not been fulfilled. In that case, maybe your dream signifies that you would feel better about your current situation if you knew that Jacob was guilty of infidelity. There's probably some deeper meaning involving your relationship with Edward and your kids that has to do with Jake. If you were going to subscribe to this theory, you would also want to consider the fact that Jessica showed up last in your dream and mostly asked questions of you. Perhaps your wish there, would be to have questions answered."

"Do you think that's what the dream was about?"

Rose sounded so professional. It was weird having her talk to me without all the profanities and with the professional edge in her voice. "As I said, I've never paid a lot of attention to dream interpretation. I can just give you overall viewpoints. I honestly don't think it matters what school of thought people belong to though; I think it's more about associating the dream with your particular situation."

I pondered that for a minute. "What are some of the other theories?" I was truly interested in the dream theories by this point.

"Well, there's the theory that the people in a person's dream are representative of the actual people and the person having the dream. In that case, Seth could have been representing the sad little boy that he actually was when Jacob died, but he could have also been representative of your guilt. Although I wouldn't worry too much about his part in your dream because you aren't sure where you stopped remembering and where you started dreaming. From what I remember, most of the Seth part actually did happen, so I don't think that was part of your dream."

Rose had been around a lot when Seth was going through his grieving process. She was the person that finally pushed me into taking him to see someone. I had wanted her to work with him, but she was entirely too close to the situation, and she was concerned that he wouldn't be able to talk to her about his anger towards me, so we found someone that specialized in working with children.

I had to stop her there. "I don't think that any part of me will ever be represented by Lauren Mallory."

"So you don't think that the Lauren that was telling you about her relationship with Jacob was the part of your brain that has been suspicious of something between them for years? Bella, you've never talked about the fact that he was coming from somewhere he had no business being on the night of his accident."

Of course, she was right again. I could totally understand everything that she was saying when she put it in perspective. Figuring out how I was represented in Jessica wasn't too difficult. She was asking the questions that I had wanted answers to.

"There are many other theories that people believe, but again, I think that you can apply all of the theories to your dream, and you will come up with essentially the same answer. You want some answers. If you write your dream down, I would be happy to go over it with you sometime and research some of the potential meanings. I would love to talk to Em about it, but I won't. To be brutally honest, I don't give a shit about the dream right now, I want to know more about the conversation that followed."

Shrink Rosalie was going back to bed, and my best friend Rose was coming back out.

I was still not used to the idea that my Rose was dating Edward's brother that had been picking on me since I was 15 years old. "Tell me more about your relationship with Edward's brother," I inquired.

Rose was quick to respond. "Not right now, sister. As much as I can't wait to have that conversation with you and tell you about our mind blowing sex..."

"Ewww"

"Whatever! Anyway, you called me to talk about you, and I want to know all about the rest of your evening last night. I already know enough about your afternoon, by the way, you can skip that part."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella, we all heard you screaming from downstairs! Not that I don't want you to have amazing sex, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to hear it while it's happening. I must say though, it's good to know that you enjoy sex. I don't think I heard you and Jake one time. And our beds were on the same wall!"

"Please tell me that you are the only person that heard us!"

"No can do, girlie. We all heard you. Jasper told little Jane that you weren't hurt, and that Edward was tickling you. I'm not going to let you change the subject though, spill it!"

I was completely mortified, but Rose was right. We could talk about all of that later. I didn't know how much time I had until Edward woke up, and I really needed to talk to her.

_Edward sighed and kissed my nose. "Where do I start?" _

_I started to reply, but he stopped me by putting his fingers to my lips. "That was a rhetorical question. I'm not sure it matters where I start or what I say, I don't think I can ever make you understand."_

_I pulled away from him a little bit. "Nothing like a vague response. Edward, I deserve to know what happened."_

_"I'm not saying you don't B. I will tell you everything that you want to know, but I'm not really sure that it matters. I hurt you and for that I will never be able to forgive myself."_

_I just looked at him. _

_"Bella, I've had years to realize how stupid I was. I should have listened to every person that told me so. The only people that knew about my fertility issues were my parents, and they let me know daily that I was fucking up royally. My mother would get so angry with me that she couldn't even look at me for the longest time. My dad once explained to me that she knew I was hurting myself, and she couldn't stand to watch it. It wasn't just about that though. I had this idea in my head that I wasn't good enough for you in any way. You were so strong and so good, even after your issues with your Mom and Phil. Which by the way, since we are being totally honest, we need to talk about Phil sometime soon. I have some information that I think I should share with you."_

_He kissed my head and continued, "But back to us..._

_I must have been looking at him funny because he laughed a little and kissed my head again._

_"I'm sorry Bella, but I wanted to tell you that I had something else to discuss with you while we were talking. I know it's random, but that's how I work. Anyway, back to my royally fucking up and my mother not speaking to me."_

_I just kept looking at him, assuming that he would start making sense soon.  
_

_"I'm pretty sure that I told you about the conversation we had when you were in the hospital and the way I felt like I had been hit in the gut. I knew that me not being able to have kids would have been something that you would deal with, but I wasn't sure you would be able to deal with the fact that I hadn't told you as soon as we started talking about plans for the future."_

_I interrupted him, "Edward, I don't mean to sound cold or crass, but we've already discussed why you felt the need to leave and destroy us and me."_

_No matter how much I tried, I could not stop the tears from falling. "I'm asking you why, no, how you could marry someone else when you supposedly still loved me?"_

_"Please baby, don't cry." Edward pulled me into his chest and peppered my shoulders with tiny little kisses._

_"I know you don't want to hear about my reasons for the whole thing anymore, but Bella, it's all entwined. All of the stupid decisions that I made are a result of a complete and total lack of wanting to live without you. It's easy to look back now and say that I should have just been honest with you and tried to work things out, but I was convinced that your life would be better without me in it. And to some extent, I was right."_

_He knew that I couldn't argue with him because that would mean that I resented my children or wasn't fulfilled by them. _

_"I still think you're avoiding the topic, Edward. I am asking you specifically about your relationship with Jessica."_

_"I'm getting there, I promise. Do you remember the weekend that you came home from school right before I left for Dartmouth?_

_I willed my voice not to shake. "I could never forget," was all I could manage to get out. _

_"I don't know if you will believe me, but I was not at the movies with Jessica that night. We just ran into each other, and we were talking. I looked up, and there you were." His voice actually started quivering as he said, "I will never forget the look of complete anguish on your face, never."_

_I interrupted, "Edward, I had been wondering about you and Jessica dating for a few months before that night. I had even asked you if the two of you were dating, but you always told me that you weren't."_

_"We weren't dating. Until that night." The last words were spoken so softly, I wasn't sure if Edward meant for me to hear them. _

_My body tensed involuntarily. I pulled away from him. It occurred to me that it was getting late, and I was completely worn out. The last time he and I had a conversation about our breakup when I was tired, I had a complete meltdown. I didn't want to be such a drama queen this time, and quite frankly I was too damned tired to put on a show. _

_Edward was staring at me as I told him that I needed a few minutes. "Do you want anything from the kitchen?" I managed to get the words out as I was scrambling off the bed to put some space between us._

_Not even paying attention to Edward's answer, I rushed out of the room. The tears came. I kept telling myself that it was all in the past and that none of it really mattered anymore, but suddenly I felt like that girl so many years ago. I wondered why I even asked Edward about Jessica. There was a part of me, a huge part, that didn't want to know any of it. I knew that Edward was waiting for me, but I couldn't make myself care. I walked out onto the porch with a glass of water and sat in my favorite chair. I don't know how long I sat there, staring out towards the river; I could picture Edward and I making out on that first night that he came to see me. I knew that night, but I was too stupid to admit it to myself, that this would not be just a fling. The question that kept running through my head was whether or not I would be able to feel safe with Edward; would I always feel like second best. I started thinking about my life over the past few months with him in it. Things were good. I didn't want to go back to the way things were before he came back. _

_I got up to go back inside and I noticed Edward was sitting on the couch in the living room. His shoes were next to him on the couch, but he was just sitting with his head between his hands. Standing in the doorway, I asked him if he was leaving._

_He looked up at me with a tear stained face and said, "I assumed that you wanted me to go."_

_Every rational part of me disappeared for a few minutes as I walked to him and sat in his lap. I had never seen Edward cry, and I didn't think I could handle it._

_"No, I don't want you to go," I said. "I just needed a few minutes to catch my breath. Who knew that talking about stuff that happened so long ago would cause so much emotion."_

_"Bella, I have never hated myself more than I did that night. Just now, watching you run out of the bedroom with that same pained look on your face, it kills me. I know that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to take some of that away, but please know that I will spend the rest of my life trying."_

_"I don't want you to do anything out of guilt, Edward I..." but he stopped me before I could finish by putting his hands on my lips again. _

_"Nothing that I am doing or have done is out of guilt. I simply want to make you happy. I know we aren't here, and you don't particularly want to hear it, but I love you, Bella. I have loved you since the day I met you; we've always had this almost animalistic need for each other. That hasn't gone away at all for me, and if truth be told, watching you now, seeing how strong and determined you are, it's probably gotten stronger."_

_I started picking at my fingernails, because I really wasn't ready for our conversation to take this turn._

_"You thought Jessica and I were dating because I wanted you to think that. I thought that if you could get on with your life, it would be a lot easier for me. The fact that she and I were both going to Dartmouth gave us something to bond over, I guess you could say." He was staring at the coffee table as he spoke, "We were both running away from something. I just knew that if I got as far away from you as possible, then you would be able to move on and live a happy life. Jess was just trying to get away from Forks in general."_

_I wanted to interrupt him with a million questions so badly, but he was telling his story, and I knew I needed to let him finish._

_"She had talked about dating, but I just couldn't. She knew that I loved you, so she didn't push it. When I saw you at the movie theater, I knew instantly what you thought. I knew you thought that I was there 'with' her. I wanted to run to you and tell you that I wasn't, so badly. I wanted to grab you and hold you. But I didn't. As I said, I knew that you would think I was with Jessica, and in my warped mind, I decided that was for the best. I thought for sure that you would confront me. Instead, you looked at me like I had just died to you, and you walked away. I was a mess."_

_Edward looked at me then. He laced his fingers in mine and said, "I don't want to hurt you anymore. Are you sure you want to hear the rest?"_

_"I do," I replied. "I don't think we can ever move on with this huge elephant in the room."_

_I could tell that Edward was uncomfortable as he started speaking again. "I didn't want to go home that night, because I could not take the death glares that I was getting from Mom. I knew that if she started in one more time on how stupid I was being, that I would cave. I was pretty sure that you hated me at that point, so I figured I may as well stick with my plan. Jessica offered to take me somewhere, but I had no idea where I wanted to go, so I gave some guy fifty bucks to buy me a bottle of cheap vodka and we drove around and got drunk. Neither one of us wanted to go home drunk, so we found a park and we just sat there and talked. She told me that she wasn't at all interested in having a family, so she was trying to get the hell out of Forks because that's what everyone expected of the girls from here."_

_I stopped him. I had a feeling about what was coming, so I thought I would make it easier on both of us. "Are you about to tell me that the two of you slept together?"_

_He actually smirked a little as he spoke this time. "I would much rather skip over that part and pretend it never happened. It wasn't just that we slept together though, we drank an entire bottle of vodka and decided that in order for people to get off of our backs, we needed to get married. Jessica was convinced that her family would be satisfied, and I knew my mother would at least keep her comments to herself . She is, after all, Esme Cullen."_

_I couldn't not interrupt him this time. "So you're telling me that you ran off and got married after a conversation over a bottle of vodka... seriously."_

_"Yep, pretty much. I don't want to mislead you though, we tried to do the married couple thing. We enjoyed each other's company, so we were okay just hanging out or whatever, but I never loved Jessica. She knew it, and she was fine with it."_

_"By married couple thing, you are referring to sex?" I needed to know._

_"Among other things. Jessica and I both thought that since we got married, we should make a go at being a real couple. We pretended really well for a few years, but it just got old. We both got tired of pretending, and we settled into a routine of being roommates, when we were in the same place, that is."_

_He seemed to be waiting for the barrage of questions that he knew I had, so I didn't disappoint. I decided to start with the end, "If you had settled into a routine of being roommates, why the divorce?"_

_"That one is easy, B. Your husband passed away."_

_I just stared at him._

_He continued, "I realized what a fucked up mess I had made about two years too late. I guess I just grew up a bit, and realized that I was an idiot. I essentially created a problem between us because I had a problem. By that point, I hadn't spoken to you in a while, and I didn't want to cause you any more pain. I knew that I was going to have to have some contact with you, so I found your email address. The first time I emailed you, I was fishing to see what was going on in your life. It's when you told me about a boy." _

_"I honestly don't know what to say, Edward."_

_"I know, pretty fucked up, isn't it. I did some checking on Jacob Black. Part of me wanted to find out that he was a complete and total prick with a secret life somewhere, but a much bigger part of me just wanted for you to be happy. When all I could turn up was that he was an athlete and that he grew up with his Dad, I figured he was alright."_

_"I have so many questions, I don't even know where to start," I said as I continued to stare at the man sitting next to me. "I think I need some time to process all of this information before I can really dig into it."_

_"Dig away. I will answer any questions truthfully. You may not love the answer, and you may not love the person that I became for quite some time, but I will not lie to you again."_

_My head was spinning and I was completely exhausted. The conversation was coming to an end, and I could feel all of the emotion from the day seizing me. Edward was a mess. Of course he was still the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen, but his hair was tousled, and he still had tear stains down his face. I focused on his chest so that I didn't have to see how difficult this was on him. I wasn't supposed to care about that part - he left me._

_He gently lifted my chin and whispered, "I know I fucked up. Please don't walk out of my life again. I'm pretty sure that I couldn't live through it twice."_

_Not knowing what to say, I did the one thing that came naturally to me. I kissed him._

_Wiggling myself a little deeper into his lap, I wrapped my fingers around his neck as I pulled his mouth into mine a little bit more forcefully. Pulling my hands down so that he could lace our fingers together, he pulled away from the kiss. He rested his forehead on mine and said, "I know that I'm breaking our current rules, and I know that I'm not supposed to say this, but I love you Bella."_

_He gently kissed the corners of my lips before I could respond. We kissed for what seemed like hours, and when we were both worn out beyond words, Edward pulled me off of the couch and carried me to bed. I didn't have any dreams this time._

_"_You have got to be fucking kidding me. He married her for a bottle of vodka?"

"Well, he didn't exactly marry her for a bottle of vodka, they decided to get married over a bottle."

"Don't fucking argue semantics with me, this is some crazy shit! Does Em know any of this?"

"Rose, I don't think anyone but his parents, me, and now you, know the story. Please don't... I gotta go. I think Edward is up. I'll call you later."

Rose promised me that she wouldn't talk to Emmett about any of this and made me promise that I would call her back as soon as I could. Just as I was hanging up, Edward walked out onto the porch. I still marveled at how sexy he was, wearing nothing but shorts and a shit-eating grin.

"I'm assuming you were talking to Rosalie." He leaned over and kissed me. "Good morning, by the way."

"Good morning," I replied, "and yep... talking to Rose"

"If you are worried about her talking to Emmett, don't be. I have now told the only person, whose opinion matters, about what a fuck up I am. The question is, is she going to put up with me?"

Crazy enough? Do you forgive Edward even just a little bit?

2 updates in 2 days! I doubt I will be able to keep it up, but enjoy.


	23. A Rockin good time!

A/N - These characters all belong to SM

I almost changed my story a bit after some of the reviews that I got, but I just have to write this story the way it came about in my head. I am thinking that there will be a few more chapters of this story, then there may be a part two.

Thank you all for reading and I love your reviews (even the ones that have decided they hate Edward :)

Chapter 22

"Of course I'm going to put up with you. Haven't you ever noticed that I have never been able to tell you no?"

I hadn't seen Edward smile like that since we were teens. Just as I was getting out of my favorite chair to go to him, we heard a loud banging downstairs. It was loud, and it was repetitive.

"Please tell me that isn't the sound of my sister having sex," Edward said as he tried to figure out where the noise was coming from.

"God, I hope not," I replied. "If so, they are into some kinky shit." I knew that my comment would gross Edward out, but I couldn't help myself. "I think they were planning on moving the furniture around today so that they could fit in the new dining room table they bought for when their house is ready. Speaking of people having noisy sex..."

"Say no more!"

And before I could possibly say any more, Edward was carrying me towards the bedroom. I was smacking at his chest trying to make him put me down, but I was giggling so hard, I couldn't speak. Edward threw me on the bed and jumped on top of me, kissing me until I couldn't breathe. I managed to pull myself out of his grips long enough to tell him.

"That was not what I was hinting at you perv! I was trying to tell you that apparently, the entire house heard us yesterday afternoon at your parents house. And we weren't even having sex! I am so embarrassed."

He thought about it for a few minutes while absently stroking my arm. "Did Jane hear?"

"That's the worst part, Jasper had to assure her that you weren't hurting me and that you were just tickling me."

"I guess we will have to be more careful. Especially when your kids are in the house."

Mentioning my little ones reminded me that I had a bit more to say to Mr. Cullen, "Edward, I told you that I was sticking around. I have a few things that I need to say about that though."

"I kinda figured you would."

I rolled him off of me so that I could sit up. "First, I still really haven't wrapped my brain around everything you told me last night, but let me tell you, I think you were an idiot."

"Don't hold back, B!"

"I wasn't planning on it. You need to know where I stand. You ran off and made horrendous choices because you thought it was what was best for me, without ever consulting me. In doing that, you hurt both of us, probably beyond the point of ever fully getting past it. The choices that you made are about you, not me, regardless of what warped thoughts you had. I know that you truly believe that you were leaving because you thought it was the right thing to do, but it was more than that. There was obviously a part of you that wasn't ready for a relationship like yours. That, I can deal with."

Edward tried to interrupt, but I stopped him. "Please let me finish. I need to say this, and then I don't want to talk about this shit anymore." I continued, "I can't be too upset with you for marrying someone else or having sex with someone else, because I did both of those things as well. The difference is that you took those choices away from me. I married someone that I loved, but that I knew I could never be in love with. I spent a huge amount of energy making that work, so I understand that part. What I will never be able to get over is the fact that you made such a royal mess of things all because you thought you were doing what was best for me. Not to mention, I think the situation with Jessica is completely fucked up, and I would guess that you hurt her as well."

I lay back down so that I could face him and make sure he was paying attention to me. "Had I known at the time what was going through that crazy-ass head of yours, I probably would have dragged you back from Dartmouth, but I didn't. Instead, I wondered what I had done wrong and what was wrong with me."

"I am so sorry for that, Bella."

"I know you're sorry and I'm not trying to make you feel any more guilt. You are a fine martyr without needing any help from me. I'm trying to explain that there are parts of me that won't ever be the same. Not just from you leaving, but also from the other life experiences I have had. I am neither dumb nor helpless. I make my own decisions. I need you to understand that more than anything else." I paused for emphasis, "If you ever make any decisions regarding either of us, because you think it's what's best for me, it is an absolute deal-breaker. Edward, I am not the same little girl that you left. I don't think it's cute that you felt so strongly you sacrificed yourself. As a matter of fact, I think it's a little bit creepy. I don't want that kind of relationship. We are adults. ...I think I'm done now."

Edward didn't say anything other than "deal."

"Now, as I said... I'm tired of all of this shit. Let's do something fun."

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. "I have an idea."

He began peppering my face with tiny, gentle little kisses. "What would that idea be?" I said in between kisses.

The gentle kisses were becoming a little more urgent. Rather than answer, Edward pulled my hand down into his crotch so that I could feel how turned on he was.

I pulled my face away from him. "That was certainly in the 'fun' plans for today, especially since I can enjoy all of it again, but I was thinking that we should maybe have some people over tonight... you know, just grill out and have a good time. I think we are actually supposed to have a clear evening, but my grill is on the screened porch anyway. We could invite Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett."

"That sounds like a great idea." He had stopped kissing me and was rubbing his hands up and down my arm. "My parents are coming to see Alice and Jasper this afternoon, and they are taking Jane home with them. I think they are taking her to some show in Seattle tomorrow. Would you mind if they came too?"

"Of course not. I will call everyone and invite them... As soon as we finish here." I leaned in to let Edward kiss me again. His kisses were almost chaste, but his hands were anything but. "I would like to take a shower first though."

Without saying a word, Edward stood up and pulled me up with him. He bent down to kiss me again as we stood at the foot of the bed. We didn't let go of each other, or stop kissing for that matter, until we were in my bathroom. I had assumed that Edward was going to join me in the shower, but it would seem as though he had other plans.

"Do you mind?" he asked as he bent over to turn on the large tub.

"No, I think it sounds perfect." I leaned over and kissed his shoulder as he checked to make sure the water was comfortable.

After making sure the water was good, Edward turned around and began kissing my neck. I had been trying to get the knot holding my robe together untied, but I wasn't able to make my fingers work. His more than capable fingers left my face to take the robe off. The robe was quickly removed and disposed of as those hands made their way up my ribcage and began working their magic on my breasts.

The fact that I was standing there naked and completely vulnerable while he still had his shorts on just didn't seem right to me. I reached down to his waistband and tried to undo the button. My hands just didn't seem to be cooperating with the removing of the clothes, so he had to undo it himself. I could feel the void of heat on my breast where his hand had been.

_What the hell! Where'd you go?_

Every nerve in my body was on fire, and I didn't feel like I could get close enough to Edward. Even when he was inside me, it wouldn't be enough. As his hand made its way back to my breast, I lifted my leg and wrapped it around his waist. I wanted to have him inside me so badly that I was going to fuck him right there, standing up in front of my bathtub.

His hands moved down my torso to grab my ass. He used that leverage to lift my other leg and wrap it around his waist as well. When I was sure that we were on the same page, and that he was indeed going to fuck me standing up in front of my bathtub, he surprised me by stepping into the tub.

My girlie bits were not happy with this turn of events as he lowered my legs so he could pull me down into the water with him. I turned a bit so that I could kiss him _and so that our crotches would be aligned should they decide to connect_. His hands were still on my ass as he pulled us closer together causing me to moan. He chuckled a little, so I pulled away to look at him questioningly.

"You are so impatient, beautiful. I promise, we'll get there."

Ugh! I didn't know what was with this smug bastard and him wanting to take his time, but I wanted him now, and I was going to make sure that I had him now...until his hands left my ass and slid inside me making my moans only that much louder.

It's a good thing that I have a very large bathtub, because it didn't take long at all for me to start writhing against the pressure I could feel. He moved me a bit more so that he was able to get his leg between mine, which allowed him to get his fingers deeper inside of me.

I tried to focus on him for a minute. I tried kissing his chest or his shoulder, but I just couldn't make it work, so I just laid my head back against the side of the tub. Edward took this as an invitation to kiss my neck as his hand continued to work his magic. His kisses traveled to my chest, where they become more urgent. The gentle kisses being planted on my nipples were nice, but they weren't quite enough. I managed to push his head a little more into my chest, and as I groaned, he got the point. The gentle kisses were replaced with little licks and bites causing me to moan yet again.

"Do you like that?"

My breathing was entirely too hitched to answer him, so I replied by pushing myself even harder against his hand. This time he moaned as he turned his hand slightly. Suddenly every nerve in my body was screaming as he pushed against the one spot that could make everything go black. The intensity. Oh my God! I felt like I was going to explode from the inside as Edward continued to push that one spot.

"That's it, baby. Cum all over my fingers." I could feel coldness on my nipple where he had just been nibbling. He pushed his fingers a little harder on the spot where it belonged as all of the sensations in my body were building. I pushed against his hand again, causing the spark which ignited the explosion. I know I was loud as I screamed his name repeatedly. So loud that he tried to shush me my kissing me. I totally didn't care.

I opened my eyes to that beautiful face which was completely covered with desire. His unoccupied hand was pushing the hair back out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. I pushed up some so that I was able to kiss him. I kissed him hard, pulling his lower lip into my mouth.

He kissed me back with force. Like before, I felt like I couldn't get close enough. I didn't like it at all when he pulled his head away. "I thought we were going to work on keeping things a little quieter.

"You can't expect me to keep things quiet when you do things like that. Do you think they heard?"

"Do things like what?" he was licking my nipples again causing all of the little sensations to start coming back. He stopped long enough to finish his reply, "and no, I don't think they heard."

My breathing hitched as he started gently rubbing his leg against me again.

His breath was pretty patchy too by this point, but he managed to say, "You didn't answer me. Do things like what?

Having to stop between almost every word because I couldn't think straight, I replied, "making me cum all over you." Not usually being one for dirty talk, I looked at him to see what his reaction was going to be. He threw his head back and moaned. Feeling a little powerful, I continued, "So you like it when I talk about what you just did to my pussy?"

"More than you could ever imagine."

I reached my hand between the two of us in order to wrap my hand around him.

"Fuck!" he said through clenched teeth as he reached down to wrap his hand around mine. He pulled us both over a bit so that I was resting completely on top of him which made it difficult for me to keep stroking him.

I rested both of my hands on his chest and lifted myself so that I was able to position myself over him. With his hands on my thighs, he lifted me a bit more until he could slide into me.

I was still incredibly sensitive, so when he moved us, I thought I was going to explode again. I had to slow down my movement just to be able to catch my breath. I pushed against his chest to let him know I needed to take things slowly for a minute. Edward kept his hands on my hips, but he let me set the pace. I loved watching the expression on his face, head laid back on the side of the tub, as I slowly took him deeper into me.

The sensitivity that was almost painful just moments ago was turning into a sensitivity of need. I leaned my body forward to kiss Edward's neck. The movement caused his hands to tighten on my hips and a hiss to escape from his mouth.

Feeling powerful for being able to cause that kind of reaction in him, I began to increase my pace.

"Bella," his hands tightened on my hips, "you might want to stop for a second."

_Wooo Hooo! It's all me... Say my name!_ I felt so powerful knowing that I was the person causing his reaction. I moved a little bit faster, knowing that I was driving him crazy.

"Bella." He tried to hold me still, but I wouldn't allow.

I leaned over and kissed him again, then I picked up my pace to match him as he finished. His hands were digging into my hips, and it was starting to hurt a little. He must have noticed that I was wiggling under the pressure, because he loosened his grip and moved his hands to my ass.

"I'll get it," Alice yelled as she jumped from my couch to run to the front door. Esme was standing in front of Carlisle on the front porch holding a brown paper bag in one hand and a small stuffed elephant in the other. She hugged Alice as she walked in and looked around the room. She honed in on Edward, who was standing behind the counter in the kitchen, and smiled a pig playful grin. Jane came running into the living area from where she had been playing in Leah's room. She jumped into Carlisle's outstretched arms and snuggled in. The grandparents couldn't dote on that child enough. They were totally enraptured by her story of the dinosaur eating the Barbie Doll's shoe. Carlisle made a big show of putting her down on the chair, making sure everyone heard him say what a big girl she was. It was obvious that they were totally in love with their grandchild. I wondered briefly how Jasper's parents related to Jane. I don't remember them being very involved in his life when we were in school. I had never heard Jane mention them either. I would have to remember to ask Alice how that was working out.

"Ooooh, what's in the bag, mom?" Alice giggled as she took the bag from her hand and started walking toward the kitchen counter. She pulled it out of the bag, making sure that Edward saw it. He looked at the bottle and then at his parents.

"Really, my own parents!"

Jasper was snickering but watching Edward at the same time. He was ready to jump in and calm him down if he became angry.

"Not my idea," Esme responded. I just asked Alice what I needed to bring.

Emmett and Rose walked in without knocking. I was so used to Rose walking in, it didn't even strike me as odd. "Here, Edward. Bella tells me its your favorite!"

I thought it was ironic when Alice brought her bottle of Absolut, but I didn't realize there was a plan until Esme and Rose brought some as well. I was really hoping that Edward was serious when he told me that he didn't care what I told Rose anymore, because apparently she took it upon herself to tell Alice, who of course, had to make a plan.

I looked at him sheepishly, afraid that he was going to be angry, but he didn't seem to be. I slowly made my way into the kitchen to help him get things together for the grill. One thing that I had learned with Jake, was that he could look and act happy when people were around, but if I pissed him off, it was a totally different story behind closed doors. In my mind, I knew that the situation with Edward was totally different and that he would never talk to me or behave towards me in the same manner Jake had. I also knew, in my mind, that I could easily just tell him to get the fuck out of my house if he made me uncomfortable with his anger. But old habits die hard.

Thankfully though, Edward was a great sport about being teased by his family. He promptly pulled out the shot glasses and started pouring. For those of us not so willing to do shots of vodka, he pulled out some mixers and started fixing drinks. As I started pulling things out of the refrigerator, he pulled me into him.

"I didn't know they were going to do this, I'm sorry."

I had spoken quietly so that his entire family wouldn't hear us, but Edward responded loud enough for everyone to hear. "You have no reason to be sorry, Bella. I have no secrets. My family now knows what a fu...," he stopped himself as he looked at little Jane. "What a stupid choice I made. I didn't expect my story to spread this quickly." He paused and looked at Rosalie, who responded by raising her eyebrows defiantly. "But it's perfectly ok to poke a little fun at Edward." He continued, "All I really want to do is put all that shi... stuff behind us. Besides... it's free vodka!"

He truly seemed to be enjoying himself and his time with the family, so I pretty much forgot my fear of him being angry with me when everyone left. It's really hard to picture someone yelling at you when they are sneaking you into a corner to make out every chance they get. Hell, as long as Jane wasn't in the room, he didn't even bother trying to sneak into the corner. I couldn't help but to be impressed that he had so much respect for her.

We gorged ourselves on hamburgers and hotdogs. The guys went outside to play football, followed by an adorable little three year old. All the ladies made their way down to the Whitlock apartment so we could sit on her porch and watch the guys. We could have seen them from my porch upstairs, but it wouldn't have been quite as easy to heckle them. Besides, who knew if we were going to decide to run out and play a game or two with them. You know, show em how it's done...

I could tell that Esme wanted to say something but didn't know how. Apparently Rose noticed too, because she started the conversation for her. _Suck up! _"So Bella, are you guys like official now?"

_Ding, ding, ding! That seemed to be the million dollar question..._

I replied honestly, "I don't know that official is the right word. We just are..."

Alice sounded almost pouty when she said, "Well that doesn't sound very romantic."

"I'm too old for all the romantic crap, Alice." I knew that I was blushing. "There are so many outside factors in our lives right now. Can't we just enjoy each other without putting a label on it."

I'm pretty sure that I was the only person that heard Rose mumbling under her breath about how she knew we had enjoyed each other yesterday. I still blushed furiously and kicked her.

"Bella, you are certainly not too old for all that romantic crap. You deserve some romance, and if my son doesn't step up and show you that, you are to let me know."

I could feel my cheeks absolutely glowing by this point. "That's not what I meant, exactly. It's just too soon to give us a label, I guess."

Esme obviously wanted to continue this conversation, but Jasper brought in a fussy Jane.

Alice jumped up to snuggle with her little girl. "Uh oh," she said to the room, "someone has hit her wall. It is already thirty minutes past her bedtime."

Esme went to the door to yell for Carlisle. "I guess it's time for us to get her out of here then... considering we have a bit of a drive."

Jasper carried the little girl into her room and changed her into her pajamas. When he came back out, he said to Esme, almost in a whisper, "She should fall asleep before she's out of the driveway. If you or Carlisle will just carry her into her room when you get back to your house, she should sleep until morning." He kissed the little girl on the head and handed her to Alice, who squeezed her tightly and told her that she loved her.

We all watched as Alice and Jasper made sure Jane was in her booster seat and that she had everything she needed. As the older Cullens pulled out of the driveway, the younger boys were trying to figure out what we should do. We all headed back into my house and made quick work of the clean up. The guys had decided to play Rock Band, so they were dragging out all of the equipment.

Watching tiny little Alice play the drums was hysterical. Alice had always been good at everything, and things always seemed to come naturally to her. I was really enjoying the look on her face as she suffered miserably through "We Will Rock You" by Queen. _I mean, come on... who doesn't know that beat?_

"I can't make my hands work together," she complained.

Jasper came behind her to help her move the sticks correctly. It was fascinating just watching the two of them and the way they blended together to make it work. I must have been staring because I soon heard that voice in my ear.

"Sweet, aren't they?"

I turned around to find Edward's lips right there. I was kissing him before I knew it. Not one for Public Affection _although Edward hadn't seemed to mind groping me in front of him family at all this evening, _I gave him a chaste kiss back. "They are sweet. It's disgusting."

Edward laughed. "I'm just glad that my sister has someone that is as good to her as Jasper is."

The song had ended, and Jasper had managed to squeeze himself in behind Alice on the chair so that he could help her with the next song. Emmett and Rosalie were arguing over who got the highest score.

"Bet me!" Rose knew exactly what she was getting herself into, so I just sat back to watch the show. "Wait, wait, wait," she spoke to Jasper, who was about to hit the drum and continue the game. "We have to bet before the scores come up. What is a good bet?"

I looked at Emmett, wondering if he would speak his thoughts aloud, but luckily, he didn't. He walked over to Rose and whispered in her ear. Her smile was enormous as she said, "Ok, so that's a win-win for me, but if you lose, you have to do the dishes for a week."

Wait... what? How long had the two of them been together? They were already acting like they lived together. I would have to investigate.

Emmett didn't seem to like that bet very much, but when his score was revealed, and he had won, he got over it. The two of them started getting pretty handsy at that point, and I knew it wouldn't be long before they were excusing themselves. They planned to stay in the guest bedroom in the basement.

I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun with adults. Just being with my friends and the people who had been so important to me for so long, was great. I got up to sing a few times, but the battle of the guitar was being raged by Em and Rose. And I certainly wasn't going to break apart the duo at the drums, who seemed to be doing some little erotic dance, so Edward and I did the singing. Without a doubt, my favorite song of the night was "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. Edward screaming, "I wanna fuck you like an animal" is something that I will never forget.

We played and drank until the wee hours of the morning; then we made our ways to our prospective sleeping/ whatever else we were doing, places. As the other couples were walking down the stairs, Rose turned around and looked at me with that shit eating grin that means she's up to no good.

"Bella, remember we're all downstairs, please. No one but Edward wants to hear you screaming his name."

She just smirked at me and told me she loved me as she ran out the door before I could throw something at her.

I looked at the grin on Edward's face and gave him a questioning look.

He answered me by pulling me closer into him. "Oh, it's on now. I am going to make sure you scream louder than you've ever screamed... All for Rose... Well, not really all for Rose - I just like to make you scream and watch your face when you cum."

He kissed my neck and continued, "So why don't we take this conversation to the bedroom?"

I knew I was blushing, but I couldn't help it anyway. "Why go to the bedroom when we have a perfectly good kitchen right here?"


End file.
